And thought about Santa – (who, by the way, lost my address last year)- And I decided to hold off on my evil plans for now. Just because I wrote him a letter asking for a new boatload of tuna, or Tiki Cat, and some new squeaky mouse toys, since the Can Opener around here freaks out if I catch her a nice, juicy mouse. Life is so flipping hard sometimes.
However, from what I see on Pinterest, I think even the Elf on the Shelf has to “socially distance” and wear a mask. But honestly, I thought he’d always done that. I mean, you only see the little dude once a year anyway, and even then he hides and then takes off for the North Pole the first chance he gets.
I can’t blame him for that- I’d do that too sometimes just to get away from bossy “Miss Fussypants” (Sushi). But apparently he’s locked down now too.
Which brings me to wonder, If the Elf on the Shelf is having to “Socially Distance,” who will Santa use to spy on us all?
All I wanted to do was start a game with Sushi and play with her for a little bit while the Can Opener got her coffee and woke up. But apparently she has no sense of adventure or humor in the mornings. Personally, I think the Can Opener should start serving HER coffee. Maybe then she’ll lighten up a little bit.
I started by grooming her like I always do. Usually, she grooms me back. But this morning I think she didn’t like that I was winning the game I started. Of course, maybe I should’ve told her we were playing a game first – but I don’t really think it woud’ve made a difference.
Here’s how it went when I tried to play with her….
After this, I just ate breakfast and went out to find Sheba so we could chase mice together since Sushi wouldn’t play with me. But Sheba had kept her human up all night and wouldn’t let her sleep, so by the time she finally got to go outside, she took off like a rocket for the stream behind our house and I couldn’t find her. It’s just not fair!
When I came back, Sushi still was in no mood to play because after I left, the Can Opener had played with her and after only about 10 minutes Sushi was already tired and wouldn’t play with her anymore, either. She’s just a big bundle of FUN. Oh well. She’s a lot older than me, so I think it’s time to amuse myself…
The Can Openers and critters (big and little ones), had a wonderful Thanksgiving yesterday in spite of COVID restrictions- (“no more than 6 people allowed to gather for Thanksgiving”)- which the Governor proposed having people arrested or fined if they didn’t follow the guidelines. On THANKSGIVING? Luckily, there were only six of them anyway, (unless you they count Serafina and Abby)….
But what if you have a huge family like Sushi and I?
Sushi and I had to stay home while they went to celebrate at the critters’ house- and they were gone the WHOLE DAY. Honestly, Sushi and I had planned to wait till they left, then bring in OUR family for a major party… 🎉
And there are so many more in our family- but they don’t want their pictures used on the internet because they’re flipping Purranoid.
It didn’t matter anyway, though- because they all forgot to get their passports in time. They tried hitchhiking a ride here but not many people pick up hitchhikers in the jungle or desert- especially if it’s a 600 lb cat that could eat them. Weirdos.
Anyway, our family is all upset because they couldn’t come- but it’s probably for the best anyway, because they all get a little grumpy when they’re hungry- especially Aunt Fussy-pants.
But over at The Critters’ House- Everything was relaxed and content.
The baby Critter’s Dad found a video by Chef Gordon Ramsay on making a Turkey … with bacon… (*drool*) – and he made the turkey that way while everybody chatted, had mimosas, (and coffee) and visited and played games.
They all had a blast- while Sushi and I were home alone…all. day. long.
But it’s okay- because they loaded us up with Tiki Cat and Redi Whip and treats and snuggles when they got home. And besides, Sushi and I can use this “cat abuse” to get our way for along time!!😹
The Can Opener wants to share the video for Chef Ramsey’s Turkey- it was purrfect!
Christmas Recipe: Roasted Turkey with Lemon Parsley & Garlic / Gordon Ramsay
Does this collar make me look fat? The humans say I’m fat- I don’t know where they get that idea- I’m only 16.9 pounds. And that’s all fluff- and muscle (because I do yoga all day long)… so I’m guessing it must be the new collar.
All I can think is, they say that being on tv adds 50 pounds to you (or was it 100)? If that’s true, then I’ll bet that being on the internet (or in a picture) does the same thing! How HORRIBLE!!
I know it’s probably hard to believe I do yoga all day- but I do- here’s proof!
See? I do yoga every day… at least, I WOULD if they’d stop dangling stupid things in front of my face to distract me!
The most important thing for every cat hoping to train his humans to be a decent cat slave, pet parent, is…
Make sure they know who’s boss.
This should already be well established before you plan to train them to let you “help” them at mealtimes.
One way to demonstrate you are the boss is to demand that you get fed first. That way, when they get busy in the kitchen with, say, Thanksgiving dinner- your belly will already be full in case they are exceptionally hard to distract.
Next, park at the Keurig (or whatever coffee brewer they have), until they start your , coffee. After all, cats need the stuff too, and if you’re going to be an effective trainer, you need to get your motor going.
*Just don’t let them see you drinking it*
Extra points if you get lots of cat hair in the cups and on the brewer. Also, pawprints are a nice touch- particularly if guests are coming! And, if the creamer is left out- that means they want you to sample it and make sure it’s safe!
It’s also important to watch for little critters if you’re having a hard time getting into the kitchen. They’re always screaming they’re hungry, so most of the time you can easily slip in if you act like you’re just trying to play with them. Some of them will even stand with the refrigerator door open while they search for forbidden treats, and when they do, you may even be able to hop up into the fridge on the bottom shelf…. and then grab and run!
Now, for the important stuff. On special occasions, when there will be gatherings – like Thanksgiving- you definitely need to be on your best behavior.
(At least as far as the humans know). That way, they won’t think to put you out of the kitchen while they prepare the delicious turkey and pies with whipped cream and other delicacies that you can’t wait to get your paws on.
And don’t forget to make your presence known constantly by winding around the legs of the control person in the kitchen, meowing as pathetically as possible. Sometimes they won’t realize they just fed you ten minutes before and they’ll start giving you samples. If not, wait for them to leave and jump up and grab them for yourself!
You can always claim “Quality Control!”
If you should happen to get caught straddling the abandoned turkey while everyone’s busy in the other room, well,…
That’s how it went for at least an hour this morning. Sushi whining because she didn’t catch the mouse that was poking around, and me (Twilight)- trying to explain to her that in order to catch something, you have to CHASE IT FIRST!
Unfortunately, in Sushi’s mind, chasing mice is ‘disgusting’- and she couldn’t imagine for her life why she should’ve chased it.
“What do you think I am, Twilight? Some sort of ANIMAL? I just wanted to invite it to dinner- I asked it nicely, and it just ran away from me. YOU’RE the one who does the disgusting ‘chasing mice’ thing!”
How do I say this gently?
So I said, “Well, Sushi- IT’S A CAT THING. And guess what? YOU’RE A CAT!”
She just sat there for a few seconds thinking -(which is hard work for her)- then said,
“OH. That explains the tail.”
I give up. This girl just doesn’t know how to cat.
Our Caturday started late thanks to that Can Opener of ours staying up until 2:00 this morning determined to finish a birthday present she was making for the oldest Critter who turned 12 today.
I wasn’t happy that instead of getting up at 4 am like a good little Can Opener, the little bratty human decided to sleep in til 7:30 and only woke up because Sushi and I teamed up to drag “Her Laziness” out of bed to feed us.
I raced across her in the bed 3 different times at high speed, and when she still slept, I bombed the bedroom blinds and smacked them repeatedly with my tail.
Our Morning Grooming
So as usual, Sushi and I race ahead of the Can Opener in the morning, helping her find her way to the kitchen to make sure she doesn’t forget where to find our food waiting to be released from the prison of the can. God knows without coffee, she hardly knows her name so she needs all the help she can get.
On the way to the kitchen, I stopped to thank Sushi and to congratulate her for her talent on getting this moron out of bed and we started grooming each other. Then all of a sudden, Sushi got wild and started smacking me! Of course, her tummy growled, but good God! She doesn’t have to be a flipping LION about it!