How to Train your Humans: Rules For The Serious Cat

Twilight here! Welcome back! Any self-respecting cat who wants to be taken seriously needs to follow a few rules. Most people don’t realize cats actually have an unspoken code they follow that not only manages those pesky humans, but gives them status around their kitty peers. Every cat needs respect and status (just like humans)- so let’s outline a few ways to get that status.

1.) If there’s a box in the house, claim it! Especially if the humans have started using it for something important – like wrapping a present!

2.) If there are presents already wrapped, you are meant to unwrap them immediately – (those little tags with names on them all say “kitty” and are meant to attract you.)

3.) Also, those little delicate round things are ping pong balls bought especially for you to bat around the house. Bonus points if you can shatter them!

4.) At times you may find special colorful little things sitting around on trays that have a curious smell and that humans have been laboring all day to create.

They call these “cookies”- which is another word for (cat) treats. Be sure to snag a few immediately, so they don’t feel like you’re rejecting their offering.

5.) Better yet, sometimes you’ll find warm milk with whipped cream left with cookies for Santa – You’re supposed to lick off the whipped cream for Santa, because he’s allergic. Just so you know.