Monthly Archives: January 2021

It’s 6 AM – Oh Yay.

The Can Opener is having her morning coffee and devotion while Sushi sits on her lap cutting off her circulation, and I’m falling asleep. Then there’s the THUMP at the front door that tells us the Critters have arrived, and I bolt out the door at the speed of light.

And the day begins…

So the little critter bounds in wearing brand new PINK boots, and a brand new coat, and way too much joy for 6 am. The older critter comes sleepwalking in, still wrapped in her full sized cat blanket and heads straight for the couch.

Then Sushi decides that since she had to do all that work of walking off the human’s lap anyway, she needs to have Lily pay for it by scratching her back for the next hour. That’s when I decide that 29 degrees isn’t too bad after all for going outside. And out I go at the speed of light!

Sorry, Human. You should’ve left the door unlocked. Stay here.
Frozen grass isn’t so bad- really.
Scratch my back, kiddo.

Several hours later I come inside to see the big critter busy with school and the little critter has become a cashier since I darted out the door. I see that the Can Opener is “buying” her Angel from the critter for $13.00. Well, that’s interesting- if it’s already hers, why’s she buying it?

The Can Opener has “change,” a credit card, and several bills varying from $5.00- 25.00… and the human tells the “cashier” she’ll buy the Angel for $13.00, and proceeds to count out $13.00 to the critter.

Critter just stares at her (after punching a few musical buttons on the cash register), refuses the (play) cash she’s being offered, and holds out her hand to the Can Opener, with a look that says, “you know what I want.”

Finally the light clicks on, and the human sees that Critter is staring at the (play) credit card! So, she gives her the credit card, waits for the critter to hand it back – (she keeps it)- and then she sticks her hands out to the Can Opener again, waiting for cash!

The Can Opener says, “hey- I need my credit card back, and I already paid for it!” Critter sits and stares with a mischeivious grin, and just keeps holding her hand out and staring at the bills and change that was remaining. Just to play along, Can Opener gives her EVERYTHING- Critter takes it all, puts it in the cash drawer (with the credit card)- and keeps the angel too!

This kid will be rich in no time.

You’d think that Angel would’ve spoke up…. just sayin’.

How to Train your Humans

DISCLAIMER: Not a lesson for the faint of heart.

Lesson 8

Teaching those Idiot Humans to Hunt

There are so many things a newly adopted (or long time) cat has to teach the humans who think they own it. For example;

  1. What food you find acceptable (this could take months or hundreds of opened and rejected cans of expensive food).
  2. The temperature you want your water to be (I personally demand two ice cubes, and filtered water from the fridge, of course).
  3. Where you want your bed to be. (Let’s make it easy, and just demand the human’s bed. They can sleep on the couch).
  4. How you like your back scratched, and how often.

My Can Opener already learned those things almost immediately. Of all the things I’ve taught her though, I realized there’s one skill she’s still severly lacking in, so I’ve been trying to teach her how to hunt.

Yeah… she’s not getting it.

I mean, I feel sorry for her. She practically lives on yogurt, berries, dark chocolate, popcorn, and fruit and salads. I figure she doesn’t hunt for berries and vegetables, and the “chicken” and other “meat” she brings home doesn’t look freshly caught to me, so I think she needs some help.

So, I started the lesson by bringing her a nice juicy mouse for her lunch. I thought she’d be so excited, but she didn’t like it at all and evicted the mouse from the house right away. I’m seriously worried about her.

I’ve thought about bringing her fish from the stream, but I can’t resist eating it myself before I can get back home and give it to her.

So, the other day when she took a walk with the critters, I did a little research and found a video that I thought would make it pretty clear what “we” were hunting for and how to catch herself a mouse.

My movie- for training the human to hunt. But she won’t watch it. Moron.

Wouldn’t you know, she wouldn’t watch it! She said it was just something to keep me company when I’m alone. Right. In fact, she got right up from the couch and made herself a cup of coffee, and acted like the whole thing was just “TV for cats!”

So after all the hours of training I’ve already invested in the Can Opener, I have to start all over again just to teach her “how to Cat.”

I just can’t believe it.

A Very Happy Caturday!

It started out cold and boring- but it ended purrfectly!

A visit from my Mama! We hunted and played all evening!

I was so happy when I woke up to a very sweet, familiar scent… My Mama was in the backyard waiting for me to see her and come outside! The Can Opener treated her to lots of food (even some tuna)! And then we hunted all evening – I’ve missed her so much, because she’s my favorite (cat) playmate. And today had started out cold and wet, so I hadn’t expected to see her- until I caught that familiar scent and followed it to our back door, where I found her eagerly waiting to play!

We always play fight and chase each other and cuddle, and then go to the stream behind our house to watch the ducks and geese. Then, when I know the Can Opener is getting ready for bed, we cuddle a little longer and say goodnight and I go inside and tell the Can Opener all about it while she grooms me and gives me treats.

Then I groomed Sushi and said goodnight…
Now I can go to sleep knowing Mama’s okay.
And Sushi is happy and content too.

On Guard- at 4 am

The Critter will be bursting through the door anytime now…

The little pitter – patter of tiny creature feet

I knew when the alarm went off at 4 am that a very long day was about to start. The Can Opener had barely finished her coffee and fed us, when I soon heard that fateful sound- the laughter and the delicate little knock at the front door that signaled the presence of the critters!

I was already up as high as I could get on top of the desk (right in front of the heater), which has become my favorite spot to hang out now. I watched intently as the human prepared to answer the door, hoping I could hop down and run into the bedroom before the pint sized tornado could get close to me. I had just made it into the bedroom and found my way under the bed when the bumping around and laughing erupted from the living room.

Sushi had more nerve than I did -(or less brains), because she just sat there on the couch when they came in, eagerly waiting for them to come see her and play with her. I was watching warily from a distance.

What? Did you bring treats?

Suddenly the shrill sound of Mickey Mouse and laughter filled the house, and I went looking for an escape. But wouldn’t you know, it was cloudy and rainy outside and I was stuck.

Oh wonderful.

Lucky for me, they both had to have breakfast and start school soon, so it wasn’t the disaster I had prepared myself for – so I ended up sleeping most of the day until it got later.

What is that thing?

The littlest critter kept shoving some noisy little pink thing toward me in the window and I wanted to take it, and run outside and bury it someplace.

But I was lucky- they saw Sushi and she signaled that she wanted a lot of attention, so I let them indulge her while I took the opportunity to escape!

Time went by faster than I’d expected, and soon the Critters’ Dad came to pick them up and all of a sudden there was a competition to see who could pet me most!

Oh great, now Sushi has to get in on it.

And of course, Sushi and her aggressive begging for more back scratches soon took over.

Oh well. At least I got my back scratch first!

Friday’s Funny Furballs

This has been a stressful week for everyone in the human universe- and we cats feel it too. I think it’s time for some laughs!

Here’s some pictures of Serafina that the big Critter took- when she crowned Serafina Queen of the House!

This is my purrsonal favorite trick. Which is why the Can Opener’s (black) workout clothes are covered with my fur within minutes of slipping into them! MOL!

And now for some chuckles. Remember, you can’t help what is going on around you. But God made laughter for a reason. Take time to enjoy your family, your friends, pets, and things that help you relax.

Good God! All the humans are losing it!
Hey, it saves water!

The Dive…

Maybe if I dive down on Sushi she’ll play with me…
Well, maybe not.

Playtime- But not with Miss Grumpypants!

Today was another busy day for the Can Opener (they all are)- but when the critters went home, and she finished her workout, we got to play! I was hoping for treats of course, but instead, she found my toy snake and we had a blast! (Still can’t find the missing golf balls, though).

I always ask to play by waiting until I see the Can Opener go to her desk and open her laptop- then I jump up on the chair and start swiping at her before she can sit down! She slowly spins the chair a few times (because I love that)- then we play peek-a-boo! Well, when I saw my pink snake in her hand, I got so excited because it’s one of my favorite things to play with! And when I’m done playing that game, I grab it with my claws and won’t let her have it back! Mol!

Well, here we go again.

Maybe if I jump on her from up here…

I’m desperate to play, and that whale Sushi is snoring.

Once again it’s pouring rain outside, the winds are gusty, and I’m bored out my mind. Of course, for the humans though, it’s the end of a long, exhausting day and they’re ready for bed. The Critters were here all day long (which is probably why the Can Opener can’t wait to get to bed)- and I enjoyed all kinds of cuddles when they were here.

But I still want to play golf with the human. She rolls the golf ball to me, and I swat it back to her over and over until I get tired. At least, that’s one of my favorite things to do with her, but Lily always finds my golf balls, and the Can Opener has to take them away from her and hide them “from Lily” so she can’t break a window or something with them.

The problem is, she forgets where she hid them! So then I look for my ping pong balls, but they’re all under the bed. And no matter how pathetically I ask, the Can Opener won’t go digging around under the bed while Human #2 is trying to sleep. I don’t know why not- I do it all the time. That’s how I find so many treats to tear up- like his new iPhone ear buds- (those things are a blast)! And random reciepts that crinkle when I swat them- and some of the human’s hair ties- but I never find my golf balls, or any other really cool things to play with like bugs, or lizards, or snakes.

There’s got to be something fun up here somewhere…

And of course, Sushi the whale is curled up (on MY BED) snoring all this time and has no sense of humor at all about me swatting her to get her to play.

Snoring Sushi

Well, everything’s about to shut down over here now- so I guess my wild party willl have to wait for another night. *Sigh* It’s rough being a cat.

The Return of the Critter

photo by Skitterphoto (Pexels)
Staying as high up as I can get!
The Coffee Fairy

I’m getting more used to this little tornado…

It’s awfully quiet around here on the weekends when the little tornado and the Hurricane are home with their parents. Even the mice seem to sigh with relief. I mean, they’re loud -(louder than a jet)- but I think they’re starting to grow on me a little – not that I’ll ever admit it to them, though. I have a reputation to maintain, you know.

The littlest tornado has grown up enough to learn that if my tail flips a certain way, or if my ears twist back, it’s time to back off. That helps me warm up a little, particularly since she always loves to feed me treats- and will beg the Can Opener to let HER feed me! (Hey, I’m a CAT- not an idiot).

She always wants to feed me every time I walk in and look at her and give her my special “Creature only” meow… you know, the long, LOUD meow that sounds like I’m dying of hunger and need food urgently to save my life. That’s the one. It works every time. MWAHAHAHAHA!!

BUT, she also loves to make coffee for the Can Opener and literally gets upset if the Hurricane – (the big Critter) – makes it for her, or if she makes it for herself. She always grabs another kcup and insists on “putting salt and pepper” in it. Of course, the human takes it and pretends its “the best cup of coffee ever”- and actually drinks the stuff. (Don’t worry- the “salt” & “pepper” are imaginary).

Speaking as the resident cat (the smartest one), I actually think it’s cute, and feel myself starting to get a little protective of the little headache.

That is, until she throws a lego at me, or tries to cut my whiskers, or feed me play-doh. Then, I head up to the highest perch I can find (unless I can get someone to let me outside).

I’m finally getting brave enough to let her pet me!
I also tutor her and make sure she does her lessons.
I even make sure to mark her pages for her.
My favorite part of the day though, is when she takes her nap.

The Rainy Day Boredom Fix

I’m bored.

This wet, cold weather has to GO!

At first, I thought it was just because it was so early when the Can Opener got up and let me out. Everything outside was drenched, and it was so cold it made my whiskers stand on end. I was going to go outside and try to catch a mouse or two for the Can Opener’s surprise breakfast in bed, but I knew even the mice would’nt come out to play in this weather, so I went back inside to wait for things to warm up a little.

It was nice and toasty inside, but there was nothing going on that even hinted of fun- the Can Opener was hardly awake enough to know her name yet, as she had only had her first three cups of coffee, and I knew If I didn’t let her get an adequate amount of coffee down before she fed me, Sushi and I could end up with God-knows-what in our food dish.

One day, she was so sleepy, she poured Cheerios in our dish, and Rachel Ray dry cat food in the critter’s bowl. Lucky for the Critter, she realized it before she poured the milk. (Wish Sushi and I had been so lucky).

So, since it was obvious no one was going to play with me, and it was still rainy and cold out, I looked over and saw Sushi asleep on the couch and came up with a genius plan…

Wanna play?
Well, GEEZ! You woke up on the wrong side of the couch!

Fine. I guess I’ll go look for the cute little yellow stray that stopped by yesterday- at least she won’t be so grumpy!