I rested my head on my furry cheetah and started dreaming…
It was the strangest thing. I was sitting on the Can Opener’s lap as she brushed me and talked softly to me. She put the stuffed cheetah under my head and I relaxed and began to purr as I listened to her.
Then, I wasn’t sure if it was real or a dream, but strange things began to go through my mind.
I envisioned my kitty cousin, Abby- laying on her cat tree, a heating pad draped over her. She looked so comfortable- and as warm as I was with the human’s robe draped around me to keep me from the morning chill.
She sure looked sleepy and content. Or was I just imagining it, because I felt myself getting sleepier?
Ducks swam lazily along a shoreline…silently tempting me. A distant bird somewhere tried to alert them as I became suddenly aware that my tummy was growling… Was that tuna I was smelling, or something more fowl?
Then the strangest thing of all popped into my mind- how did I go from ducks lazily drifting by to this bizarre scene? Must be the Lysine treats. I mean, I’ve seen some pretty weird looking humans, but none of them this weird…I think it’s time to lay off the Lysine.
Sushi and I want to let you all know we haven’t abandoned you!
The Can Opener was trying to help her sister with a problem ordering something on Amazon last Friday- her sister had tried to use her ebt card on her Android phone on the Amazon website- and she kept getting a message that her payment information needed updated…. the human looked at it and said she had done everything right and there shouldn’t have been a problem.
Soon after that the trouble started. Her sister did what she SHOULD have done- she (thought) she was contacting Amazon Customer support- (there was a link at the bottom of the page, and she clicked it).
Now before we go any further- my Humans have been ordering from Amazon forever – they’ve never had a problem. However- when the Can Opener’s sister clicked the link for “customer support”- she had a call from someone who CLAIMED to be an Amazon customer service agent. Guess what? He wasn’t. Not a real one.
When she started trying to explain the problem to the “agent,” she found him very difficult to understand. He spoke with a heavy accent, and spoke extremely fast, and being that she was in the process of getting ready for a very painful physical therapy appointment and he kept repeating certain things to her that she couldn’t understand, and he began to get irate with her and began to say things to her like, “I don’t know why you don’t understand- how old are you? Why don’t you understand me?”
She started crying out of pain, frustration (she was going to have to miss her appointment), and his tone was rude- then he said to her, “Why are you crying? Are you a crybaby?!”
At this point, she walked with her phone next door to my human and asked for her help- (with the phone on speaker)- and told our human what he had said.
I’ve never seen my human that mad!🙀 She couldn’t believe a so-called “customer service agent” would talk to her sister that way.
*I don’t like this guy*
My human wanted to hang up on him- but her sister needed the problem resolved- so she took the phone and asked who she was speaking to- he didn’t give her a name. He claimed (again) to be an Amazon customer service agent, and before she could say anything else, he launched into Bogus story to explain why he “needed her bank card information”- And every time one of them tried to speak he spoke over them, and the human herself was still trying to calm her sister and herself and figure out if anything he was saying made sense. (The Can Opener had only been awake about a half hour before this happened, and she hadn’t even had coffee yet)!
He asked her for the name and number on her bank card (that she had used on Amazon)- The phone was on speaker, and when the human turned to cue her sister not to answer- she had already said it before she could stop her. 🙀
Then he wanted to know what bank it was on- My human went to respond by asking why he needed that, but at the same time her sister (in her frustration and anxiety to get things taken care of and get to her appointment)- told him it wasn’t a bank. It was a prepaid debit card she received her social security on.
This all started because she wanted to buy some food items with her ebt card. Nobody can buy an iphone with an ebt card.
The guy got upset! Then he suddenly said, “Ma’am, you don’t understand… we can see that someone using your card purchased a $1300.00 iPhone and we need a bank account to refund your $1300.00!”
She kept trying to tell him -(over the speaker)- that she hadn’t had enough money in her account to have bought an iphone, and that her issue was about an ebt card and her debit card wasn’t the issue. That’s when he asked her if she had a computer and she said “no, but my sister does.” He kept asking if she would be able to use my human’s computer to fill out a form so he could take care of things for her- the next thing we knew, she was sitting at the Humans’ computer filling out an authentic-(LOOKING) “Amazon” form… until he wanted to know details he had no business knowing.
Can I bite him, Mom?
The point is, when he didn’t get the bank information, member number, and social security number he kept insisting he needed, the computer started doing things all by itself that neither the human or her sister was doing. Her email opened up, and a pointer started going down the list of her emails,…. looking for something…(but that stuff isn’t stored on the computer).
Then the pin to my human’s computer was changed- again-without anyone touching the keyboard. She turned the computer off and unplugged it and prepared to notify Amazon and the police.
So- the human’s computer is being fixed- and this is why Sushi and I haven’t been posting.
We can post from the Can Opener’s iphone- but getting that thing out of her paws is like trying to climb Mount Everest with no claws. But today she let is use her phone because she doesn’t want everyone to think she’s abandoned you.
And, today’s the first day she’s been calm enough to let us tell the story.
We will post again tomorrow. But the human isn’t touching the computer again until it’s restored. Her computer tech restored her pin to her (which she changed), and she spent the last three days changing passwords and WiFi name and password and working with the tech to get it back. She is so thankful she never stored her banking information on the computer!
It’s been a busy couple of days around here- and the Can Opener has had a lot to deal with. A problem came up yesterday that she is working on, so she’s not letting me on her computer right now- (something about me walking across the keyboard or some nonsense like that)- excuses!
Unfortunately, she’s not on her computer herself so I don’t see what the problem is if I do walk on it and leave nose dribbles on the screen, and lock her keyboard, and leave my beautiful white fur all over it.
Another way to spoil my fun. Thanks, human.
She’s even sending her computer to be “fixed”- so I’m stuck grabbing her phone when she’s not looking-(which around here, takes enough talent that it should be an Olympic event worthy of a gold medal).
So, she’s seriously hampering my social life, which is a really bad thing to do to a cat of my unusual beauty and caliber- so I’ll have to find a suitable way to get even-
But first,… fancy feast and a nap. Don’t give up on me- I’ll get that Can Opener trained to my satisfaction if it’s the last thing I do! *sharpens claws *
Why? Because I feel like it. And I’m a cat, so I can. Yesterday Twilight posted about giving thanks… That’s typical of her because she’s a very happy little girl. So am I – until something doesn’t go my way. But it’s not my fault. I’m a tortoiseshell with white (calico)- we torties tend to be very vocal. So, here’s my list of why I plan on having a Whiny Wednesday.
The Can Opener fed me this morning. I should be thankful, right? Well I am- except that she fed me Tiki cat mackerel and tuna. There wasn’t enough of the juicy stuff and the chunks of mackerel were too hard to eat. I felt like I was eating a fishy pillow!
She gave me treats. Another thing Twilight said I should be thankful for. But what she didn’t tell me was that the “treats” are medicine!! They are Lysine chews!! What a dirty trick to pull on a sweet, unsuspecting cat like me. They taste like MEDICINE. Of course, I rejected them.
She brushed me. Here we go again. Another “thing to be thankful for”- but she used a new brush that is meant to de-shed me so I don’t get hairballs. Way to take the fun out of being brushed. *sigh*
She picked me up to cuddle me on her lap. And then, right when I was getting all relaxed and sleeepy, she sneezed. 17 times! (I’m typing this under the bed).
See? I’ve got a bunch of good reasons to whine! *Looking for some cheese…*
I know that all the humans are under a ton of something they call “stress.” We cats don’t really understand what that means, because well, we’re cats. So, I googled it when the Can Opener stepped away from her computer for one of her ever – increasing keuring visits.
Here’s the definition (according to Google) of “stress:”
Stress can be defined as the degree to which you feel overwhelmed or unable to cope as a result of pressures that are unmanageable.
Like I said, we’re cats- so we don’t really understand how that feels. The closest thing we get to it, is when the humans decide we need a visit to the vet (or, God forbid), a BATH.
But while I’m outside every day spying , I mean, observing the neighbors around here, I hear them all complaining about things that are going wrong everywhere so I think it’s time to share some feline coping skills.
We cats have great ways of staying relaxed. That’s why we all have 9 lives and we never suffer from insomnia.
Here’s some of my favorite secrets for staying happy in the middle of whatever is happening.
Hit the nip- Catnip does wonders. This helps with my next tip:
Take time for the humans- (interaction is important and keeps them feeding you, and may result in treats).
Spend time connecting with nature- (catch a bird or two every day).
If someone annoys you, ignore them. Cats are experts at this.
Sleep 18 hours every day. You’d be surprised how many problems you’ll avoid dealing with.
PLAY DAILY- tackle anything that moves.
NEVER WATCH THE NEWS.
Eat constantly. Let the humans do the diet thing.
oh, Yes- and BE THANKFUL FOR YOUR BLESSINGS.
And now, some pictures of me de-stressing…
Well, I was de-stressing until Sushi jumped down to take over the play session!
It seems everywhere I look people are flipping uptight. I’d better intervene.
I think everyone could use a few good laughs to start your week off.
We cats notice a lot more than people think we do. Like when the humans come back from the grocery store with something in their bags that smells suspiciously like treats, and they act all relaxed and non-chalant, like there’s only boring stuff in there and try to slip the treats out and hide them without us noticing. YEP. That’s right- we notice. Even when we are sleeping in the other room.
We also notice that most people hate Mondays like we cats hate the vacuum cleaner. With that in mind, I decided to try to lighten things up a little for you guys by sharing some of the Can Opener’s favorite comics. I hope you enjoy them and get yourself a warm spot in the sun and take a nap. If it’s good for cats, it’s good for humans.
The Can Opener is staying up late again, so I got extra time to play outside (even though it’s raining, I didn’t care)- so after several hours of chasing my mama (cat) outside and coming back in, I had eaten, had treats, and was finally warming up and falling asleep on the cat tree when the human got up to make herself a cup of blueberry tea, and started petting me and telling me how adorable I am. Thanks for the news flash. Now leave me alone and let me sleep.
Apparently I’m just so flipping cute that she can’t resist me, so I decided to help her.
Finally, after three or four rounds of chewing on her hand, she decided maybe I wanted to be left alone (and the tea timer went off- thank God), so she got her tea and went to say goodnight to Sushi instead.
Lucky for Sushi, she was asleep, having already started snoring, and the Can Opener decided to just give her a quick pet and tell her goodnight. That’s because Sushi has longer claws than me and isn’t as forgiving. Thank God she decided to just leave us alone and drink her tea. I think otherwise Sushi and I would’ve had to take drastic measures to get her to back off.
Of course, from the looks of Sushi, it would take an earthquake for her to take any measures that meant she had to move.
This morning the tiny Critter and her sister were here before the sun came up. How come they can get the Can Opener out of the bed that early, but I can’t without chewing her nose off?
The house is quiet- dimly lit while the Can Opener takes her time having her morning coffee, listening to worship music and praying when she wakes up at 4 am. Then at 6 am the house explodes with laughter and, “You’re a BABY!”/ “NO I’M NOT A BABY, I’M A GROWNUP!”
And from that moment on (once Daddy leaves)- silence takes wings and flies the heck out of there just like Sushi and I. Maybe ‘silence’ is a cat too.
Of course, I actually really love those two- the tiny tornado loves to pet me and her face lights up when she sees me as though I’m the most purrfect thing in the world- but man, she’s loud!
They watched the sun come up and then I decided to take advantage of them just sitting there staring out the window to remind them that they hadn’t petted me, and that I wouldn’t be at all offended if they wanted to throw some Redi Whip and Fancy Feast my way.
That’s one of the reasons I love them- they love to feed me- even if I’m not hungry! A cat could really get used to this… in fact, Sushi and I have a bet that if they keep coming over every weekday, I’ll be 16 pounds soon myself! Of course, Sushi isn’t going to stay 16 pounds…she discovered that the Biggest Critter started bringing treats with her when she comes every morning. All of a sudden, she’s really fond of them both!
And I’m pretty sure her waistline is fond of them too!
I sometimes hear people talking about their cats and some of the things they do that make their humans wonder what they’re doing. Being that we cats can’t tell you what we’re doing and why, (some of it is top secret stuff, and you just don’t have clearance- sorry)! I decided to find some videos (about the not top secret stuff) – to help you understand us a little better.
I may do this about once a week, because I know a lot of you humans need all the help you can get understanding us cats and our behaviors, because it’s clear some of you don’t even understand the humans in your life! Maybe I can at least help you with understanding the felines. If you have dogs, though, good luck. I can’t figure them out either.
How to Train your Humans 
