How to Train your Humans

I’m cuter than Sushi. Deal with it.

How to deal with the other pets in the house

No matter what breed of cat you are, or how pretty, fluffy and smart you happen to be, there’s often another “Pet”- (aka. pain in the tush)- in the house that sets out to squeeze you out of the picture and steal the affection, playtime, and food that is rightfully yours. How does a self respecting cat eliminate that problem?

First, make it clear that you’re on to them.

Give them a look that would kill a horse (just don’t turn it on any nearby horses- it’s not their fault). That will alert them that they aren’t getting by with anything – and that you’ll get even. It’ll also serve the purpose of making the other cat (or whatever) duly paranoid.

When it comes to feeding time don’t fool around.

Be the first one to wake up your can opener by any means necessary- I find that a good strong bite on the nose is especially effective for this- but pouncing right on their eyes is a good option, too. If that doesn’t work, there’s always the option of knocking something noisy (and preferably expensive), into the floor. You’d be surprised how fast they’ll spring out of bed!

Then lead your half-asleep human to the kitchen and demand she feed you in a safer spot. Like on the kitchen counter- where the other resident flea bag can’t acess your food.

Whatever the other pet does well, do it better.

For most cats, this is a no-brainer. However, if the other pet is a dog, you’ve got it made, since most of them have marbles for brains, anyway. If the dog brings your humans’ slippers to them (for example), don’t worry about it- they probably chewed holes in them first. Just outdo him by bringing their car keys to them. Then give the dog the look that says,

I unlike you, know what they really need.

If the other pet is another cat that thinks they’re prettier than you, (like Sushi thinks of me), do some glamour shots of yourself dressed up – then prance around like you’re the Queen of England. Here’s an example. Sushi snapped pictures of herself on the human’s iPhone to make herself look smarter than me. Well, I can do that too.

Let’s see how Sushi likes THIS!

Case closed.


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