How to Train your Humans

These Critters are wearing me out!

by Sushi

How to keep the Critters from Driving you Nuts

Twilight has a boyfriend now. He’s a Seal Point Siamese that lives a few streets away, and at first she used to run from him. Now she watches for him to come serenade her at the bedroom window then gives the human the big blue eyes to let her out. That’s why I’m posting so much lately- she’s always running around with Romeo. I hate to tell the guy, but he won’t get anywhere with her, because she’s been “fixed.” But at least meanwhile, it keeps her from pestering me to play with her!

Speaking of playing, the Critters are running circles around me all day long and can’t keep their sticky little paws off me.

I love the Critters, but the minute my paws touch the carpet they both drop everything in unison and race to sit in the floor beside me and compete to scratch my back and pet my head, and beg the Can Opener to let them give me treats.

Sounds heavenly, right? Not if you’re a sleepy cat who just wants some peace and quiet. And on top of that, the Can Opener put me on a diet so now the Critters arent’ allowed to load me up with treats 6 times a day anymore.

SIX TIMES A DAY (x 2 CRITTERS)- THAT’S 12 EXTRA TREATS A DAY I’M MISSING OUT ON! THIS HAS TO STOP!

I mean, Seriously? How much is a cat supposed to endure in 9 lives?


So, Here’s my “plan A” – (I won’t need a plan B)…

I’ll act like I’m starving first thing in the morning and keep yelling for food (after I’m fed). I’ll let the human put my eye medicine in (she’ll give me treats for letting her put the medicine in without shredding her)….

Then when the Critters get here, I’ll wait til the littlest one has her running all over the place, then I’ll go to the biggest one and give her the eyes and convince her I haven’t been fed or given treats yet. She’ll be heartbroken for me, and wait for a chance to sneak me another feeding and some more treats while the human is taking care of the first catasrophe the little one makes.

Then I’ll go to Human #2 (the backup Can Opener), and snuggle him and he’ll give me treats- then while the Can Opener is still working on breakfast and tea time snacks, and planning lunch, I’ll go wind around her ankles acting as pathetic and hungry as possible. If I time it just right, she’ll think she was so busy with the little Critter that she forgot to feed me, and she’ll feed me again. Or, better yet, she’ll let the big Critter “help” – and she’ll feed me twice what the Can Opener will. And sneak me more treats. Purrfect!

Then during tea time, and lunch, the Can Opener will be so busy she won’t notice that I’m eating Twilight’s food.

That’ll get me through breakfast and lunch. Then when the little one goes to sleep for her nap, I’ll climb up on the biggest Critter and start the process all over again. She falls for it every time! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! She might even load me up with Redi Whip!

I love Critters!


5 thoughts on “How to Train your Humans

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