Yesterday Sushi was sitting next to the Human on the front porch, and Sheba was laying next to her. That was okay, but then she crossed a line- she stood up and started marking our human and head-bunting her wanting love and snuggles! The Human thought it was sweet, but Sushi and I didn’t appreciate it at all!
Then I heard our Human sweet-talking Sheba and decided that had to stop, so I came running up to my Human to give her some snuggles of my own, and warn off Sheba. You’ll never believe me, probably, but Sheba saw me running up to love on MY HUMAN, and she growled and hissed at me, and swatted at me with both paws! She wasn’t going to let me get to our human or even go in my OWN HOUSE! *tail flap!* Awwww, HECKKKKKKK NO!
Our human picked me up, and hung me over her shoulder and started loving on me, and Sheba got mad- she went and laid down in the grass swishing her tail violently and kept giving me dirty looks. But then our human made Sushi and me so happy! She told Sheba that if she can’t “mind her manners,” she’ll have to go back home! Then she took me inside and gave me treats. (Sheba won’t mess with Sushi because Sushi could flatten her).
I made sure to sneer at Sheba over Mom’s shoulder when she took me inside and shoot her a warning look, and it made me feel so good that our human put her in her place. She keeps loving on our human because she knows we have treats- and her Mom is trying to cut her back on treats, because she won’t eat her food! What a rotten scheme!
So Sushi and I had a discussion with our human and she promised not to let Sheba have any of our treats no matter how sweet she acts.
There’s more to this story, but I’ll have to finish it tomorrow- our human is adjusting to a new Critter schedule starting tomorrow because their mom got a better job- so I have to get our human to give us our evening brushing and snuggles now before she shuts everything down for the night.
See- Sushi has already got my spot on the couch! Goodnight for now!
You’ve been paying too much attention to Sushi lately.
So, I’m going to remind you how utterly adorable I am. I know I’ve been staying outside a lot lately, but my Mama has been coming to play- and Mocha (the siamese down the street that adores me) has been waiting for me to come out and play. And, well, he is handsome. So,….
Anyway, I haven’t been upset at you- I just love being out at night when its warm – (and when Mama and Mocha are out). So since I’ve been gone so much I decided to stay inside today so I could be near you and remind you how loveable I am. I know you didn’t forget- but I think Sushi did. This way, she’ll know she can’t just hog you all to herself.
I want to thank you for being such a good human to Sushi and me. Thank you for always grooming me and buying me good food and lots of treats and whipped cream. Thank you for taking me to the vet when you need to know I’m okay – (even though I cry), and for not letting the other cats pick on me. Oh, and thanks for always keeping those fleas off us, and for letting me take over all your favorite spots.
Now, for those reminders….
Next time Sushi tries to hog you all to herself, remember these okay? You and I both know I’m the cutest, but she’s bigger than me, so let’s just keep it our little secret. Okay, bye! Mocha’s waiting for me!
I have to admit I don’t like that the human has me on a diet, but in spite of my best attempt at pleading eyes, she still insists on keeping me on it. It’s downright depressing. Twilight gets to eat whenever she wants- “but Twilight’s only 8 pounds!”- or so the Human says. It’s still not fair. I mean, look at me. I’m twice her size, (and older) so I say I have seniority here. Obviously if I’m bigger, I need more food. But NO! According to the vet, I need less food, and the human is doing her best to see to it. Dangit.
But, at least one great thing comes with it….
And that is that the Can Opener schedules daily playtime with me now and makes it as much of a priority as her own workouts! She bought me a new toy, and Oh, my CATS I love it! Hey, at least she doesn’t make me do her workouts- holy catnip! Mine are a lot more fun! See for yourself!
Whew! I’m exhausted! I still hate being on a diet, but now I know I’ll get scheduled playtime every day because the human thinks its important for me.
I keep seeing “help wanted” signs all over the place. Problem is, they’re all looking for humans.
And everybody knows that humans are no match for cats. Think for a minute about how much smoother things would run if cats were in charge. Humans are a persnickety bunch- and they always gripe about their jobs. That’s because they don’t go for jobs that suit their personality type and the things they’re best at. So when they work somewhere for some random stranger, they are quick to complain and try to get out of doing their job.
We cats, however, know what we like and don’t like and we don’t try for jobs that we don’t want to do. We only look for jobs we would love to do. That’s why we we’re so good at being cats.
Mom’s always telling us to play nice. I don’t think so!
I happen to know that when Mom buys a new toy for us, she means it for both of us. But Sushi hogs it all to herself from the moment it’s delivered and she sniffs it out.
I don’t know why, but this thing has Sushi so captivated she won’t let me play with it unless she’s asleep on the bed and she doesn’t know it. The rest of the time she guards the thing like it’s her life. She will even lay on it when she’s done playing, and then growl when the Can Opener picks it up off the floor.
And the worst part is, the Can Opener lets her get by with it because “the vet said she needs to lose weight.” *HMPF!*
And she said it’s the first toy she’s used with Sushi that actually gets her MOVING. Even the vacuum cleaner won’t make her move. Mom could roll it right over her back and she’d lay there sleeping.
But I want my turn with that toy- so I think I’ll try a trick of my own to get her moving. There’s a big dog down the street holding a sign that says “will bark for food”- I’ll swap him a can of Fancy Feast to come chase Sushi, and maybe that’ll get her moving….right out the door!
Then that toy will be all mine. And I’ll lose 16.3 pounds! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I found some crazy cats that my human cracked up over. (Not that it takes much).
I figure that maybe if I point her to these dustballs, she’ll forget about making me “exercise” and leave me alone for a little bit so I can catch up on my napping schedule. I’m unbelievably behind. I’m supposed to sleep around 18 hours a day, and I’m lucky to get 3 hours a day, between the vacuum cleaner, the constant “grooming,” Twilight pouncing on me to get me to play, and the two Critters squealing and coming after me all day long.
It’s hard being so beautiful and loveable. Because it means humans can’t resist me. It’s great when it works, but when it interferes with my naps, we have a problem. So, Maybe I can use these cats as a distraction for the humans so I can finally get an uninterrupted nap.
First, the oddballs in the family.
And now, for some even crazier cats to distract the human so I can sleep!
After a stressful night of scary fireworks, we need some therapy.
Sushi and I were waiting all day for the humans to get back from their 4th of July celebration last night and her sister looked after us until they got back. But we disussed it, and neither of us gave them permission to ditch us for the day. We were not happy! They are SO grounded from snuggles!
We were safe and in the air conditioning, and they had done everything they could to make sure we’d be fine. But there were some loud fireworks here for hours while they were gone. Right when we were starting to sleep, there were loud BANGS that just didn’t stop. We didn’t know what was happening, or which way to run! So, we hid… under the bed… until they got home around midnight.
Today, she’s expecting it’s going to happen again, so she’s already found herself a new hiding spot-under the neighbor’s table she had set up for a garage sale yesterday.
We thought it would never end. But they did come home, and when they did we got spoiled royally- and The Can Opener spent a long time comforting Sushi before finally going to bed. As for me, once I saw they were home, I knew I’d be okay, and went outside to find my Mama. I never saw her though, because she’s afraid of fireworks so she won’t even come back until things are normal again. I hope Sushi doesn’t eat all the tuna by that time.