I’ll bet you didn’t think cats keep recipes did you? I didn’t think so. Well, you’re right. We don’t. We’re too busy chasing mice and those delicious little delicacies that hover around the hummingbird feeders, and running from the little 2 – legged monsters that are louder than a flipping jet engine.
But we have to cope somehow, right? How do we do it? Well, here’s one of my favorite ways of coping- One of my favorite things to do is sneak up on Sushi while she’s sleeping and swat the holy fleas right off her.
*note*- I never said Sushi likes it. I just like doing it. It’s a great stress reliever-
Disclaimer: Don’t try this at home.
It could be hazardous to your health.
Seriously though- You have to make time for FUN! Take time to unwind and relax. You humans seem to have a really hard time with that – but one thing my humans have found that really helps them is taking time to do something they enjoy (like feeding me treats).
And don’t watch the news. It’s hazardous to your health! I mean, really- why bother? It’s always the same stressful nonsense anyway. Just record it and replay it for a few weeks, and you’ll see it rarely changes. So, skip it. Instead, focus your thoughts on all the things in your life that you are thankful for. If you can’t think of anything, go visit someone who’s worse off than you, and all of a sudden you’ll see a ton of things to be thankful for in your own life.
Also remember- all the things that are so stressful right now won’t go on forever. Things will get better. Love your families. Be kind to others. BE the change you want to see in the world. Don’t be overcome by darkness, but overcome the darkness with light.
And one more thing- don’t go around swatting people who aren’t messing with you. That only works if you’re a cat.
The Can Opener is getting on my last nerve! She does her workout, and just because I come to coach her and make sure she does all the moves right, she thinks I need to work out too. I think that trainer is going to her head.
Next thing I know, she’ll be serving me salad, or tofu. And now, I hear I have a vet appointment to get my claws trimmed, and some shots. You know what that means? That means SCALES. That means I have to practice the Alligator roll and get better at it. Last time that vet wasn’t prepared for me. The human said that when the vet brought me back out to the car, she was breathless and looked like she’d been through Armageddon.
I did good.
I stretch, and sharpen my claws on the mat while she’s doing her lunges and stuff and that IS my workout. Does she praise me for it? NO. she tells me I’m making her trip over the mat. (Hey, that’s a GREAT IDEA)!
Well- I guess I may as well play- I have to get my strength up for the Alligator roll.
There’s nothing as annoying as chasing a squirrel and getting blasted by a cold sprinkler! There are sprinklers set up everywhere and turned on at different times. How’s a cat supposed to plan a hunt? I had to find a place to get away from it without getting wet all over again, and then I saw it… the swing set- my new cat tree and scratching post!
This is a nice little hangout. No wonder the critters love it. But now it’s mine! And the best part is, Sushi can’t get up here to take it from me! MWAHAHAHAHA!
That got me thinking. There are lots of other things humans do that cats really don’t like. This might be a good time to show you what they are. Watch this while I go get my popcorn!
Today is a beautiful, warm Caturday. A nice, cool breeze, lots of sunshine, no 2-legged noise machines roaring by on scooters with music blaring from their iphones, no noisy lawnmowers, or chatty neighbors gathering to steal my human’s attention- everything is perfectly lined up for a long, cozy nap.
Well, it was anyway. The sun got a little too bright for Sushi and me, so we retreated to the Can Openers’ bed for a nice, long nap. And then, the paparazzi decided it was a great time to snap a few pictures and wake us up. We were not pleased.
That’s when I realized it was time to post another lesson for you poor unfortunate cats who can’t control those annoying humans.
If you want to be taken seriously as a cat, and get the respect of your pet humans, there are a few rules that need to be followed.
1.) MAKE IT UNATTRACTIVE FOR THEM TO DISTURB YOURNAPS. This is beautifully illustrated by my friend, Spooky.
2.) DON’T LET THEM DRESS YOU LIKE THEY DID ME.
I could’ve stopped them, but I allowed it just this once for the purpose of illustrating my point. Humans think it’s “cute” to dress us up for their selfish habit of taking pictures of us to post online. If they try to do this to you, do what Sushi does at the vet. It’s called “the Alligator roll.” Here it’s nicely illustrated by a random alligator. Sushi has mastered it.
3.) Don’t sleep in the pots and pans. (Unless they have meat in them- and aren’t turned on).
I have more rules to give you, but Sushi and I are going to try again for our naps. They better not interrupt us this time, or the claws will come out!
I found my soul mate last night- and I think we’ll get along beautifully!
I was napping on the laptop keyboard last night while the Can Opener was *trying* to use her computer, and something caught my eye and I haven’t been able to think of anything else since…. (except food)…
I don’t know what his name is, but this dude is my dream cat! I’m going to have to find a way to meet this handsome boy! Watch his video, and you’ll see why- not only is he HANDSOME, but he can teach me his tricks so I can defeat this ridiculous DIET the Can Opener has me on.
Or, at least learn how to steal more goodies!
*Back off, Twilight & Sheba- this one’s all MINE!*
The Can Opener wouldn’t let me stay outside tonight because it’s going to be cold- and she wanted to play with me.
We were having fun- kicking my favorite golf ball back and forth, along with some of my other favorite toys that I haven’t played with for a while (because I love to stay out at night).
But then we wanted to play with the feather toy, and Sushi woke up and gave me a dirty look for playing with her toy- and since I didn’t want to get flattened by her sitting on me, I decided to hop up on the counter and then on top of the fridge, and then on top of the kitchen cabinets and stay there until she fell asleep – (she can’t get to me up there).
It’s time to catch up on the cat gossip around here.
I’ve been wondering who the pretty new solid gray cat is with the white bib and white paws. It moved in across the street a while ago, but it stays mostly inside. That kind of hampers my attempts to get to know anything about him/her. So, I did what humans do when they want to get the goods on their neighbors. I decided to have a girls’ day lunch!
Since Sheba and Twilight are always running all over the place, I knew at least one of them would be able to enlighten me. Only one problem. It would require the Can Opener’s cooperation, since I can’t open a can. I had to convince the Can Opener that eating outside is as nice for me as it is for her and the Critters.
Lucky for me, she went along with it! Twilight was suspicious, though- she doesn’t trust Sheba (Sheba’s trying to take over the human)- So she just sat there and the Can Opener finally took her dish in so I wouldn’t eat it for her. How rude!
Speaking of being rude, Sheba wouldn’t tell me anything. She simply ate, burped, then stretched out next to me and went to sleep. Just to get even, I snored as loud as I could.
Then she got up and left. Twilight had already headed down to the stream, so I was left all alone. That little plan didn’t get me the information I wanted, so I’ll have to figure a way to get the human to let me stay out all night with Twilight and Sheba.