How to Train your Human

Don’t let them do this to you!

More rules for the discerning Cat.

Today is a beautiful, warm Caturday. A nice, cool breeze, lots of sunshine, no 2-legged noise machines roaring by on scooters with music blaring from their iphones, no noisy lawnmowers, or chatty neighbors gathering to steal my human’s attention- everything is perfectly lined up for a long, cozy nap.

Well, it was anyway. The sun got a little too bright for Sushi and me, so we retreated to the Can Openers’ bed for a nice, long nap. And then, the paparazzi decided it was a great time to snap a few pictures and wake us up. We were not pleased.

That’s when I realized it was time to post another lesson for you poor unfortunate cats who can’t control those annoying humans.

If you want to be taken seriously as a cat, and get the respect of your pet humans, there are a few rules that need to be followed.

1.) MAKE IT UNATTRACTIVE FOR THEM TO DISTURB YOUR NAPS. This is beautifully illustrated by my friend, Spooky.

Great job, Spooky. You’ve got “the Look” purrfected.

2.) DON’T LET THEM DRESS YOU LIKE THEY DID ME.

I could’ve stopped them, but I allowed it just this once for the purpose of illustrating my point. Humans think it’s “cute” to dress us up for their selfish habit of taking pictures of us to post online. If they try to do this to you, do what Sushi does at the vet. It’s called “the Alligator roll.” Here it’s nicely illustrated by a random alligator. Sushi has mastered it.

Sushi follows this technique to avoid those shots and nail trims at the vet. Great job, Sushi!

3.) Don’t sleep in the pots and pans. (Unless they have meat in them- and aren’t turned on).

Oops.

I have more rules to give you, but Sushi and I are going to try again for our naps. They better not interrupt us this time, or the claws will come out!

Go away, human.

2 thoughts on “How to Train your Human

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s