Monthly Archives: May 2022

How to Train your Humans

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It’s time for some more lessons on training your humans. I’d better get some coffee and get started!

Too many kittens out there have no clue.

It’s springtime- and with spring comes kitty litters! Freshly brewed cute, adorable, clueless kitties who have no idea how to grow into a respectable cat. That’s why they need me to teach them!

We cats are highly intelligent and resourceful, but a baby anything needs to be shown how to grow and thrive- and most importantly, how to rule their humans. Remember- we were once worshipped in Egypt.

So, kittens- (and cats who need a refresher course) – First, remember that humans are suckers for a cute little kitty face. Look up at them adoringly, making sure your eyes are big and innocent – (that way they won’t suspect you when you’re naughty). 😹

Next, remember to respond when they babble “talk” to you so they think you’re listening to the rules. This will increase your chances of being adopted because you’ll appear to be “trainable.”

Once you’ve convinced them you’re and adorable little innocent angel, and you get adopted you can start practicing training them!

If you practice enough, you can have them feeding you treats just because you’re cute!

If there are loud, two-legged Creatures who live in your new home, make friends with them quickly. Be sure to follow them around and sleep with them at night. Why?

1.) They have lots of toys. They like to play.

2.) They eat constantly. And they leave crumbs everywhere.

3.) They’ll leave the butter on the counter.

4.) They’ll grow up to be extra Can Openers.

5.) They’ll defend you when you do wrong.

Sooner or later they’ll decide to bathe you (it’s the grown-up human version of playing with Barbie dolls).

Just a heads up- Once you let them do this, it’s all over. They’ll think you like it and will insist on doing it for the rest of your pathetic life.

For the love of Ceiling Cat, DON’T let them do it. This is your cue to use your God-given weapons.

Teeth and CLAWS.

GOOD LUCK.

Now go practice on your un-suspecting humans and I’ll be back again soon with more lessons. ❤️☕💚

Memorial Day –

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Image by Anita S. from Pixabay

This is a hard post to write.

Happy Memorial Day? Somehow that doesn’t quite sound right to say. Unless “Memorial Day” is to you just a reason to get together with friends and have a barbeque.

The purpose of Memorial Day is to remember and honor those who have lost their lives in the service of our country. We who are alive and have never been in a position of defending our country no matter the cost, have a hard time grasping the full impact of what it takes to do that. Not only for the soldier who dies- but for their families. The children left behind. The spouses left to pick up the pieces and go on living and raising their children and functioning like they did before.

My heart is heavy writing this. I lost my husband in January- not because he was fighting for our country- but because he was fighting for his own life thanks to colon cancer.

When I got on my computer this morning and was confronted with “Memorial Day,” it brought back a wave of pain triggered by the word, “memorial.”

I’ve kept myself so busy trying to just keep functioning since losing my husband. But as I thought on all this today, I thought of how much worse the grief is of losing a spouse, or father or other family member in battle- When I lost my husband, I knew what he was experiencing, because I was with him daily- I saw his pain and hopelessness.

But when a person loses someone in the defense of our country- or on foreign soil, they don’t usually have the comfort of knowing that person wasn’t dying alone. They don’t get the chance to say goodbye. They are tormented by the unknown things- and they have little advance warning.

Even if you have not personally known anyone who has lost their life in this manner or is in a situation where they could- Please take a few minutes today to consider them- and pray for our soldiers wherever they may be, because they give up everything to protect us and our freedoms.

Don’t let their sacrifice be in vain.

– “The Can Opener”

http://Photo by Kevin McCartney: https://www.pexels.com/photo/low-angle-photography-of-american-flag-774316/

Sunday Sleepies

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No- you can’t get up yet, Can Opener. You’ve been baking all morning. Now it’s ME (not you) time!

See, Human- Sunday is for RESTING.

You’re supposed to rest today, Mom. You said you were going to type for me first thing this morning after church. But you got busy cleaning for “just a little bit,” then you went to check on your sister “for just a little bit,” then you went for a “short walk,” then you “did a survey,” and
“did laundry,” checked your email, and THEN you grabbed Twilight and gave her all kinds of special love and cuddles- (with me glaring at you the whole time—–WHICH YOU IGNORED), and then you baked those almond flour blueberry / strawberry muffins and blasted my ears when you chopped the almonds in the blender (thanks for the earache)- and THEN you teased me with the cacoa chips you added from that crinkly package you poured them from — and you didn’t even make it right by giving me a treat since you teased me!

So now that you’ve made my post late, because you wouldn’t type for me (and now you’re in pain from all that baking)- quit your whining and SIT DOWN and hold me so I can get a good nap.

Don’t worry, I won’t sleep more than 8 hours. So don’t plan on making dinner tonight, because you’re going to be occupied.

–Sushi

Friday Fab Felines

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Hey there- Twilight here to remind you all how lucky you are to have a cat. We are gorgeous, smart, and FABULOUS!

Of course, we Siamese are THE most fab-

But Sushi says torties are the most fab, and persians think they are, and toms think they are- so we’ll just throw a few of our favorites out there and you decide!

Here’s a very smart Tom.
Now here’s a smart cat – waiting for the little Critter to come find her, assume she’s seriously hurt, and demand her Mom to come revive the cat with food and treats.
I wouldn’t cross Betty if I were you.
Another smart Tom.
Here’s a spy cat…Nothing going on here. Move on!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 😹

Happy Furiday!

The Sushi Diet Chronicles

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Mom- Call an ambulance- Twilight’s about to need one!

MOM! Twilight’s touching me!

I’m telling you, Mom- if she tries one more time to “make me play”- she’s going to need an ambulance! I was minding my own business, scratching new holes in the rug, and all of a sudden out of nowhere, WHAP! SHE HIT ME!

I didn’t hit her; I was trying to help her learn how to work out. (Are you buying it)?
Yeah? I’m gonna work YOU out! Besides- we’re CATS, we don’t work out. You were picking on me you little flea!

See Mom? Here’s the proof!

See Mom? I think Twilight needs some therapy- and I need some treats. A tuna or two will do just fine, thank you.

I’m all about the food.

Thursday Therapy

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Good morning. I’m your therapist today- Twilight has the day off to play golf with the Can Opener.
Enough golf, Mom. You smacked me with the ball! I’m going outside!

Maybe it’s time to go see my friends!

So far I’m going with happy.
Don’t look at me! He did it!
You can’t win this one, human!

Happy Thursday!

Mornings with Sushi

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I’m still waiting for my coffee human. Why are you on your third cup without serving me?

It’s all about me, human. Move it.

And please quit telling me I need to lose weight. I know what the vet said- but look at me – I’m not even 20 pounds yet! You and I both know that I exercise regularly- It’s hard exercise walking from the bedroom to the kitchen every morning, and it’s even harder to jump up on the couch for my grooming. And anyway, I’m sure I lost almost a whole pound just trying to get away from you and your nail clippers!

Besides- Look how huge Twilight looks! I think you should put HER on a diet!
Nice try, Sushi- that’s not going to happen!
Fine. I’ll just take a nap. Wake me for lunch!

Friday Fab Felines

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Nice- but I don’t eat daisies until they bloom- thanks anyway!

Happy FURiday!

I’m a very busy cat- I’ve got birds to chase, butterflies to catch, creatures to spy on, and at least 4 baths to take before sunset.

So, I’m sharing some giggles before I get busy with my cattiness. Enjoy!

Keep growing, Critters- America needs more Can Openers!

A New BOX! PARTYTIME!

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It’s a NEW BOX – just for me! (Sushi get your own)!

A Sunny day, a new box, and the Can Opener!

When I heard the knock at the door, I darted under the bed, because it was a hard, loud knock- but a few seconds later after the Can Opener answered the door, I smelled something delicious coming from that big box. It was more of my favorite food! But then, when the bag came out, there were big sheets of pawsome brown paper inside (I LOVE CRINKLY PAPER)- And before the Can Opener walked away with the food, I pounced into the box to try it out!

I claimed it immediately! Then I hinted at the Can Opener to put some more tissue paper in it and the next thing I knew, I was having the time of my life!

Sushi, however, isn’t impressed with the box- (she has her own favorite)- So I had fun circling under the flaps of the box and swiping at my favorite wand toy (with all the pretty bows that I just can’t seem to untie- yet) … Give me time, and I’ll untie every one of those pretty bows!

Sushi on the other hand, was just watching the show. And bathing. And bathing. And BATHING…

And barking at the Can Opener to come brush and cuddle her.
Now I’m all played out. But I informed the human that the box STAYS.