Mom has some things to say-

Last Monday the internet went out (heavy rain & winds). Tuesday I was hit with the worst migraine I’ve ever had – (and I don’t get them often). It started with sudden visual disturbances while I was helping my sister with some things- and within an hour it felt like my head was in a nut cracker. This went on until Saturday night – accompanied by a stiff neck (which still hurts).

Saturday also marked one year since my husband passed, and when I woke up I was flooded with all the memories and feelings that accompanied the events.

Wednesday, Jan.18 (continued from previous writing)…

The kids had decided we’d all get together and call it “Dad plaid day” – we would all wear plaid shirts in his honor since he loved wearing them- and then spend the day together having fun and doing “dad” things, then go to his favorite restaurant before heading home to play games and do manicures with the little ones.

That part I was excited about- (although I’ve never had a plaid shirt in my entire life and would have to get one).

We also collectively decided that from this time forward, we would no longer remember and refer to January 14 as the day of his death, but as his “first birthday in Heaven.”

But when I woke up that morning I found myself sitting on the bed thinking how unreal it was that it had been a year- yet it still felt like it was only yesterday. As I opened the curtains and looked out the bedroom window, I remembered again the sight of the funeral directors taking him away for the last time and I felt the wave of sorrow hovering again. But immediately I began to feel something else that overshadowed it. A gentle, comforting nudge from the Lord reminding me of His Presence – and this scripture;

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NLT

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so that you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from Heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words.“

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With this I was asked to give my grief to him- and receive the joy of the Lord in its place- (Nehemiah 8:10). I realized then that I was going to be able to go forward that day and enjoy the day with my kids by leaving behind the shadows of death – and rejoicing that I am alive – and I am not alone- or abandoned!

I also am mindful that I am not the only one grieving a loss of a spouse- or child (God forbid), or other loved one. So many are in this place of sorrow as well- and for me a year has now passed – and yet the pain, sorrow, and effects of grief still try to hang on. For others it is more recent- but I’m sharing these things with you all to let you know that whatever it is you’re facing- there is someone who understands what you’re feeling -(even when you can’t express it)- and there is light to be found- even in this darkness. You are not alone.💚

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Come unto Me, you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

– Matthew 11:28 –