I keep seeing “help wanted” signs all over the place. Problem is, they’re all looking for humans.
And everybody knows that humans are no match for cats. Think for a minute about how much smoother things would run if cats were in charge. Humans are a persnickety bunch- and they always gripe about their jobs. That’s because they don’t go for jobs that suit their personality type and the things they’re best at. So when they work somewhere for some random stranger, they are quick to complain and try to get out of doing their job.
We cats, however, know what we like and don’t like and we don’t try for jobs that we don’t want to do. We only look for jobs we would love to do. That’s why we we’re so good at being cats.
I have only been on this diet since my last vet appointment. I can feel myself melting away to nothing. So, what’s so bad about weighing 16.3 lbs? I know a lot of humans who WISH they only weighed my weight. But they’re not on the diet- I AM. Poor innocent Sushi. It’s not fair…
The human heard me “snoring” during my nap today. Know what? I wasn’t snoring. THAT WAS MY TUMMY GROWLING! I can’t believe she actually bought me “weight management” food. When I complain that I’m getting fed less often, and getting different food, she tells me I’ll feel better when I’ve lost a few pounds. “One ounce at a time, Sushi.”
I’d love to give her “one ounce” of my claws.
Twilight knows its hard on me. And she doesn’t rat me out when I finish off her food. She just heads outside and leaves her dish for me to finish. But the trick is finding it before the human sees it and picks it up.
But at least the Can Opener is playing with me more now. I love that.
Undercover Career- Relaxation & Meditation Coach and Bodyguard
Abby is especially cuddly and observant. Among many other qualifications, she loves to be right in the center of the action. She loves her Mom so much that she really can’t stand to be parted from her and is very protective. She’s constantly watching out the windows (as is Serafina), to make sure no bugs, squirrels, racoons, or other pests try to get in to distract her Mom while she’s working or disturb her.
She’s also highly sensitive to her Mom’s feelings and frustrations when she’s having a rough day at work, so these unique qualities make her the purrfect Undercover Relaxation and Meditation coach.
As a Relaxation and Meditation Coach, her Mom’s wellness and peace of mind is her first priority (besides food), so she makes it her business to know where her Mom is at any moment of the day- especially when she’s working and starting to feel exhausted, and frustrated. That’s her cue to jump up and occupy her Mom’s lap -(especially during those moments when she can discern that her Mom is about to get up to get a cup of coffee, or go to the bathroom).
She does this to remind her Mom to stay focused on her work. So she won’t get distracted by things like getting a few minutes of exercise, or taking a break for unnecessary things like eating lunch.
Actually, I’ve been an Undercover Cat Career Agent since before I was adopted here. My previous owner was gone so much, I decided I had to find a way to support myself, and I’ve never been the kind of cat that would go around begging strangers to feed me -(they can’t afford my taste- except at the White House, and I don’t trust those guys).
So I put word out on the streets that I could help cats get recognized for their special skills if they’d bring me certain favors. Like Lobster (from the Rich cats that wanted to get richer). Or tuna, and shrimp from the cats who have Parents that work in the seafood department or go fishing. Hey, a cat has to do something to survive when their owner takes off and stays gone and leaves them with nothing but dry cereal, water, and bugs.
Here’s one of my favorite students- she actually belongs to the the Critters- her name is Serafina, and her parents buy her really good food- unfortunately, she likes to eat as much as I do, and it doesn’t matter if she’s actually hungry or not. Because for Serafina (and me)- Eating is not just a necessity. It’s a passion. We would be chefs, but most of them won’t allow us in their restaurants. Idiots!
Serafina’s special talent qualified her for an undercover career as a cordless vaccuum cleaner. And she does an excellent job. She is specially trained to only pick up food crumbs and treats that fall into the floor, or onto the couches (which Jazlyn and Lily are very faithful to leave for her to practice on). She’s turning into a real pro. Tomorrow, I’ll brag about another favorite career cat I trained, Abby (who lives with the Critters and Serafina).
For now, it’s my bedtime. It’s been a long day- Twilight and I have been working all day.
Sushi sleeps more than any cat I’ve ever seen. Seriously. She wakes up, stretches, eats, stretches again, gets snuggles then sleeps some more. A couple of hours later she wakes up and starts it all over again.
I have to say, when I asked her why she never plays or hunts (anything harder to catch than a spider), she explained to me that she’s not really sleeping all that time. She’s employed.
Yep. She’s an Undercover Cat Career Coach. Go figure. She won’t tell me how she gets paid- although by the looks of her, I figure if they pay her in food, she gets paid a flipping fortune.
But she did furnish me with pictures of her performing her various duties. Here’s a few of them:
1.) Blanket Tester.
2.) Upholstery Tester.
4.) Lap Pillow Tester.
5.) Lawn Work Snoopervisor
Geez, with all that “work,” no wonder she never wants to play!