I’m done with being on a diet and I’m striking back.
I’m ready to fight for my favorite “fat” foods-
The Can Opener switched me to a more expensive cat food that will help me lose weight. I have to tell you -(but don’t tell her, because she can’t know I LOVE THE STUFF)- I thought I was going to die when the order came in and she unsealed the box—- and I smelled the aroma of venison from the pretty green bag inside- all of a sudden I HAD to have some of the stuff immediately! I ran to the bag as soon as she pulled it out and started meowing LOUDLY to her to hurry up and open it!
Oh. My. Fleas! It is SO GOOOOOOOOOOOD!
BUT- I was all excited until I heard her say it has 1/2 the carbs of the other food, and it will help me lose weight! Now, no matter how much she paid for that heavenly stuff, I HAVE to act like I hate it!! So- I try to play it cool when she pours it in my dish- then the very second she leaves the room, I pounce on it!
And I know of other kitties like me who are also fed up with diets—- and they are ready to take back their favorite ‘fat’ foods too!
We’re on the prowl for Cheetos- popcorn, peanut butter, butter, potato chips, goldfish crackers, and PIZZA!
Keep trying, humans- but one way or another, we’ll get what we want! 😹
The Can Opener knows we don’t like change. I’ve been hitting the silvervine like crazy to cope!
Sushi and I are fighting back. With Claws.
A lot has been going on around here, and Mom’s schedule has changed again, so she has pretty much screwed up our whole routine. We don’t like it one little bit. So now for some updates…
A neighbor moved in two doors down with one of those big barky things- a big black barky dog who keeps running loose in our back yard- he keeps eating the food that the Can Opener puts out for my (still feral) Mom- even though she keeps watching for him so she can stop him from getting it. Sheba and I are trying to chase him away- because he’s not supposed to be loose in our neighborhood anyway- but the girl who owns him just lets him roam when the management around here goes home for the day.
Mom doesn’t like it at all, because when the Critters go outside, we never know if that dog will suddenly be set free to fly all over the yard while they’re playing- and he’s big enough to knock down either of the Critters if he was inclined to. Also the boyfriend of the girl also is cruising around in our backyard every evening trying to find the dog or chase him home. One day she opened the back door and the dog (wearing a leash) was standing there alone- just about to try to get in our back door.
Mom has also been busier with her Sister- who just got some bad news from her doctor- and the Critters are here more often as well because of their schedule changes- they’re both doing great- the not-so-tiny one is in gymnastics now and was just admitted to a class that is more advanced and prepares her for competition! They both are also doing great in school – and The Can Opener loves teaching them- but I don’t like that she chases me off their books and makes me let go of their pencils!
And now a word from my sponsor….(the Can Opener)
The Critters’ Dad has been unable to eat much for a couple of months and had to sleep sitting up- and after several visits to the Doctor and ER, finally someone actually made it a priority to do some tests and discovered that he has been suffering from an ulcer! We are all relieved that now he finally has an answer to what’s been causing him so much misery and I am so relieved that no cancer was found.
Nobody said ‘cancer’ – but after what we went through last year, It was constantly on our minds- (especially since symptoms and pain reminded us so much of what my husband was enduring for the last year and a half while the doctors kept passing him around like a tennis ball). When my husband finally had developed a blood clot in his leg and was rushed to the hospital- that is when finally (the doctors at the hospital), after hearing our story and how long he had been suffering, decided to find out for themselves what was wrong and finally we had the diagnosis – stage 4 cancer – (and an ulcer).
We are so grateful that he has an answer and can begin healing now and to know that no cancer was found! To those who have regularly followed this blog- I apologize for the long absence- thank you for stopping by and for your prayers for our family! Hopefully I can get a routine going again soon- you are all loved and appreciated!
Twilight and I are happy the littlest Critter is getting BIGGER!
The littlest Critter had a birthday yesterday!
The Can Opener has been flying all over the place since before Christmas preparing for birthdays, Christmas, New Year stuff, and the littlest Critter’s birthday. That’s why she kept saying, “I need a few more minutes sweetie” every time Twilight tried to play with her – (ALL DAY LONG EVERY DAY)- or I demand brushing. This is also why she hasn’t been posting for us, the lazy thing!We’re thinking of trading her in for a not-so-busy model. But where the heck can we find one these days?
I tell Twilight we should be grateful she always remembers to love on us and feed us, but Twilight’s miffed. She timed how long it took the human to get around to our snuggles this morning, and can you believe it took an entire two hours after she finally woke up? Disgraceful!
She fed us right away- but before she did anything else, she worked out, got dressed, did an online grocery order, called the vet for my pain medicine and flea treatment, and did laundry, and cleaned the whole kitchen. The whole time Twilight was giving her dirty looks from the living room and I was bored stiff. Actually, I’m always bored stiff. It’s a necessity for getting prepped for a long nap.
Okay, Sushi- get back to the Critter- she’s turning into a great cat slave!
Anyway- the tiny one turned 6 yesterday and now isn’t as scary to us as she used to be -(although she’s still just as loud)- now when she comes here, she pets us softly instead of scaring the whiskers off us- gives us our proper amount of adoration, and even looks for treats to give us! And she likes to get our wand toys out and play with us- (when she’s not tying knots in the dangly part).
Here she is in the new birthday dress the Can Opener bought for her- and playing at the park- and then at a different park (burning off the birthday cake)!
We want her to grow up- then we’ll have a new Can Opener to train! 😹😹
Twilight and I have finally put it together and now we know what makes the Can Opener leave us alone (suddenly) for the whole.flipping.day twice every year. And we are grounding the Can Opener.
They call it Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas.
I think this time the excuse was “Christmas.” Twilight noticed that when the Critter’s parents’ car pops up (without the Critters)- it usually means the Can Opener is going to disappear for the day and we’re going to be stuck watching cat tv and that means I’m not going to have my warm snuggly lap or the Can Opener to feed me treats and cover me up with my blankie- and Twilight will be smashing into the tv all day trying to get mice from inside the screen until she’s dizzier and dumber than normal.
Of course, the Can Opener doesn’t ask our permission first- she just feeds us (our ‘last meal’) – then flies out the door and comes home forever later smelling like C.A.T.
NOT like me and Twilight!
Last night she got home really late- (we were almost starved to death by then- I could see the BOTTOM of my bowl)! She also came home loaded down with presents and food- but it was all the kind of stuff she says we can’t eat. Nice thing to do to two starving cats who are moments from starving to death, huh?
And this is is why….
Serafina…. the Critters’ heart stealer.
Abby- Serafina’s co-conspirator!
Our cheating human calls them her grand-kitties.
Wait- What did you say, my head still hurts from all that mouse hunting yesterday- what does she call them???
That’s right- she calls them her GRAND-KITTIES! HOW INSULTING! We’re way grander, aren’t we Twilight? Well, anyway, I am…. and here’s proof!
I looked in her phone when she fell asleep last night and saw THIS! Serafina- (and the biggest Critter). Serafina was in full on STEAL HEARTS mode! Outrageous!And these two were helping Serafina and Abby steal hearts! No wonder Mom got home so late!The tiniest Critter made her stay for dinner (pasta she made with her Play Doh pasta maker).
No wonder Mom said we can’t eat what she brought home. She can’t either.
Okay, Sushi- give it a rest for now. I’m still recovering from all those head slams at the tv.
Hey, Can Opener. You need to find another weatherman. I don’t like this one’s reports.
The Rain is here again. Time to get creative.
Once again it’s raining constantly. As if that wasn’t enough, its also freezing cold. There goes my hunting plans. I’m convinced that the rats and mice in the neighborhood have orchestrated this debacle just to torment me, only I can’t figure out quite how they managed it.
But boy, when I do figure it out- they’re going to pay!
Meanwhile, I have to find less appetizing ways to entertain myself until the rain stops and the sun comes out again. I can only play so many tricks on Sushi- (she’s got no sense of humor)- and the Can Opener only plays with me for a few minutes at a time before she darts off to do something else, so I’m connecting with some of the neighborhood cats to get some fresh ideas.
Hey- This idea promises to be fun!
Maybe I’ll just start hunting for Bigfoot-
Well, What do you know! I found him!
Well, that was short-lived. Now what am I going to do?
The Can Opener started this earlier today- but then she went to work, and after that, Sushi got her sidetracked- Thanks, Mount Sushi.
It’s been a while- (it’s Sushi’s fault).
We’ve been busy keeping the rodent population down- (well, I have… Sushi only works on keeping those pesky blankets down). The Can Opener has a lot going on, and we’ve been telling her to get on the ball and post for us- but she’s as stubborn as ever and we can’t always get her to listen to her overlords (us) as well as she should. We are discussing disciplinary options now, but really, what can we do?
We threaten to with-hold treats from her, but she’s the one who buys everything so that doesn’t always work out. The closest we can come to with-holding her treats, is to stick our paws in her ice cream before she can dive in. But that lady is faster than lightening when it comes to ice cream.
Still, we’re working on getting this lady under control- but for now, she’s falling asleep and we haven’t had our nightly grooming and snuggles yet- so we’re going to make her give us attention now, and we’ll let her have her computer back in the morning. (Maybe)…
I smell bananas and spinach- and it had better be for Sushi.
I think the Can Opener’s obsession with fruits and vegetables has gone a little too far. Of course, some cats (like the psycho cat next door- Sheba-) actually like some of this weird stuff. She even goes crazy when her human has watermelon until she gets some of it.
So, if you’re one of those cats that like people food- you’ll love this. But if not- just remember, this wasn’t my idea- the Can Opener did it!
It finally quit raining ash, and the smoke cleared up, so a couple of days ago the Can Opener finally let me go out again and lay in a sun puddle on the doorstep in the center of her flowers. It felt so good- my own purrsonal heating pad without that annoying cord.
But a few hours after my belly-obsessed Can Opener called me in, I started scratching and pulling at my belly, and she kept trying to get me to stop, but of course, I didn’t, because DUH! I’m a CAT. I do what I want.
She was busy (what else is new)- so it took her a while to actually sit down for a few minutes and look at my belly. When she saw I had pulled some fur out, she had a catniption fit and the next thing I knew, she reached inside the kitty kit -(her evil bag of tricks she keeps all my meds and brushes in)- and out came a bottle, and she picked me up and sprayed my belly 4 times with that vile thing!
Before the spray…..
Today! After 3 sprays twice a day since Saturday.
She had called the vet, who told her to put a cone on me- lucky for me she hasn’t been able to get one yet- but she’s still looking. Meanwhile, she’s been watching me like a paranoid hawk, and on the few occasions I’d start to pull at my fur again, she’d shake the treat bag- and my head (of course), immediately popped up and I forgot what I was doing!! 😹
You know, I hate to admit it, but now I don’t mind that spray- I just sit now and let her spray me. I’m not going to tell her, but it makes the irritation go away instantly!! Don’t tell her I said that, though- I kind of have a good thing going here… If I just pretend to start chewing at myself, out come the treats!! 😻
You know, you humans think we cats don’t have problems. But we do!
I’ve heard humans say we cats have it made-
And they’re right- usually. That is if we are living with properly trained Can Openers. Otherwise, well- not so much.
For example… My friend Frisky who lives a few blocks away can never get his humans to get out of bed and feed him on time. So sometimes he has to get a little “creative…”
Then, next door to Frisky is Princeton – his humans are obsessed with persnickity produce that just dares him to do anything about it.
And just down the street a little further, there’s Lizzy– Whose Can Opener thinks it’s still the Elizabethan age.
And (almost) worst of all- poor Twinkie just found out she’s ADOPTED!
So the next time you see a ‘stray’ cat trying to move in with you, have a heart, will ya’? You never know what problems are driving them away from home!
A couple of mornings ago, The Can Opener sat down in the living room rug to play with Twilight – (Twilight loves to hide under big pieces of paper and attack the toys the human teases her with)- and when she was done playing, she went outside while the Can Opener made a fresh cup of coffee, then sat down and put me on her lap to brush me.
It was heavenly. I was purring as she brushed me, talked to me and rubbed my ears – then I smelled something that alerted me (and the human) that something wasn’t right- we both looked up and there was THAT!
A strange cat had just cruised right in the backdoor and helped himself to Twilight’s paper roll and started making himself right at home!
Hey- word on the street is, You’ve got great cat food here. How about a sample? And thanks for the toys!
I think I scared Mom when I reacted to him, because I made my hot displeasure known- not only because an intruder had invaded my castle, but because on account of that THING, Mom picked me up and moved me off her lap to go deal with him! NOT FAIR.
He looked at me as if to say, “deal with it, sweetheart- I’m not going anywhere.”
Mom went to him to chase him out of the house, and noticed he didn’t have a collar on- and he came right to her immediately, plopped down at her feet and rolled over, wanting to be petted. She realized then, that this was clearly not a feral cat- they will always run away and definitely don’t want to be handled by a stranger.
He also is very healthy- but, she noticed a wound under his “armpit”- a small wound, but it was definitely open. As if someone (or something) had sliced him – (about a 1/2 inch long). He also was covered with burs (meaning he most likely had been hanging out on the bikepath / stream behind our house). He was starving – and it was really hot outside (100 degrees). He seemed relieved to find a cool spot and a dish of cool water.
She said she knows the neighbors and their pets around here – but he doesn’t belong to any of them – but a lot of people have moved out (or been evicted)- recently – and since he doesn’t behave like a feral cat, and is begging for love (as well as food) everytime he comes around, she says she thinks someone moved out and left him behind.
So being that she saw a wound on him and that he was covered with burs all over the place, she put a blanket in the carpet and got the kitty kit out, and decided to try and clean his wound and remove the burs and see if she could help him. Thanks a lot, Mom. Wait til I tell Twilight!
He actually seemed to welcome the attention-Burrs removed, (with only growling, no resistance)- Neosporin applied, burshed, ears and eyes cleaned, and even allowed Advantage to be applied!ShA
After all she did to take care of him she started looking to find an owner- no one seems to know anything about him. But he won’t stay away. When she put him outside after tending to his needs, he growled- and turned around before she could shut the door and came back in! He refuses to leave!
And (of course) the Critters (and everyone else) love him.
So the Can Opener is planning to take him to the vet as soon as she can to get him checked and see if he has a chip so If he’s lost, he can be returned to his owners. And if not, she wants to get him fixed – (but he doesn’t look broken to us). Our fear is that after all that, she may find out he’s not chipped and keep him! But, the Critters’ parents just may adopt him- because he’s “SOOOOOO CUTE AND LOVEABLE!- AND, He’s a Russian Blue!”
Oh yay.
Until then, it looks like we’re stuck with “Mr. Smokey!” *tail flap*
How to Train your Humans 