Category Archives: Cattitude

How to Train your Humans

That’s it, Human. Good little human. Now hand over the treats and you can go have your coffee.

Training Your Human and the other pests in your house

Greetings fellow felines. It’s been a while since I’ve done some lessons on training those moron humans of ours. That’s because I’ve been so busy training my humans and Sushi that I’ve barely been able to keep up with my busy napping schedule.

As you may know by now, The Can Opener around here has been trying to help Sushi the fat cat to lose weight. I don’t think it’s working. She still is the small mountain in the middle of the rug that they have to walk around. So, being the great trainer that I am, I’ve been busy trying to assist the human in training Lardbutt- How?

Well, when I encounter a mountain in the middle of the living room, I climb it. (Sushi doesn’t like that), and since it makes her mad, she sits up to swat me. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! It makes her sit up and move! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

GET UP AND MOVE!
KNOCK IT OFF, FLEA!

Sometimes that’s the only way to get her to exercise. The Human tries to play with her, but sometimes she will only play for a little bit, and the human is dealing with the small critters all day (most days) too.

THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!

Now, when you work so hard to help your human do something, you should be rewarded, right? That’s what treats (and playtime for you) are all about.

If your human is too busy to play, you can trick them into it, by head bunting them, “asking for pets” … when they start to pet you, sit there and purr for a few minutes, then gently wrap your paws around their hand and attack! Not too hard, though- if you do it too hard, they’ll get upset and stop playing. They’re a little bratty that way.

Sometimes you also have to give them some gentle hints. Like dragging your favorite toy to them and sitting there waiting for them to wake up and figure it out. This is what I had to do with my Can Opener this morning….

Now my morning is off to a good start. Playtime accomplished, training Sushi accomplished, and demanded treats given. Now I can go conquer the rest of the world!


Morning Coffee with Sushi

Hey human- why are you on the computer instead of snuggling me on the couch? We need to talk!

My Can Opener has it all backwards this morning.

She’s supposed to post our blog in the evenings after the Critters go home for the day. But yesterday that didn’t happen- because after they went home, she worked out then launched into cooking dinner… (steak, sauteed broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots, and brown rice). She still just offered us the same old cat food.

How rude. I thought for sure that steak was for me and Twilight- why else would she make it? As far as the vegetables go, she can have those. Humans eat the strangest things, and not a mouse in the mix anywhere.

So by the time she was done with all that and the clean-up last night I was demanding my cuddle and grooming time and told her everything else could wait.

But I didn’t mean THAT! So this morning I’m sitting her down for a very serious talk about getting MY priorities in order! I’ve got to get her thinking straightened out again. More training.

But, at least she has provided me a new cozier spot to be with her when she’s at her desk- so I’ll give her a little break for that- as long as treats are included.

This is better….
but take off the blanket so I can scratch it up! Leather makes a great scratching post!

Well, It’s time for me to resume training this human, before the little critter keeps her hopping for the rest of the day. There had better be some treats heading my way soon!


The Sushi Diet Chronicles

I’m getting tired of this diet- and Twilight’s fat jokes.

This is MY bed. I’m a Queen- I need a Queen-sized bed.

I know that Twilight thinks she’s going to keep me out of this bed. But That little flea could sleep in a matchbox. I need a little more room to spread out in all my glory. Therefore, I NEED the Queen sized bed. If she tries to get on top of it- (like she plans to)- I’m going to wait for her to fall asleep, and reach up and bite her tail. Problem solved.

I mean, seriously- she’s 9 lbs. She’s the size of a hairball. Just look at her!

I could use a snack. Maybe I’ll just eat her.

Now, how do I get up on top of that desk shelf?


Monday Morning Cattitude

Waking up to a hazy sky and smoke in the air puts a cat in a rotten mood.

Any self-respecting cat will of course, demand that the humans immediately get busy clearing the air, and bringing out the sunshine. But of course, Humans can’t do that – (and most of them would just ignore it, anyway), so what is a cat supposed to do to escape what would otherwise be a long, boring day trapped inside?

1.) POUT. Make your displeasure evident. The humans will know they can’t fix it for you, so they should feel sufficiently guilty enough to fall all over themselves trying to make it up to you- something like this would work well….

2.) If they don’t do whatever is necessary to fix the problem for you, continue pouting- no matter what they do to distract you.

3.) Of course, if your humans are of the stubborn variety, you may have to show them who’s boss and then give them a stern warning….

If that doesn’t work, then set about making your own indoor fun… and soon they’ll be happy to let you out!


Sushi Snores!

Sushi says she doesn’t snore. And most of the time she doesn’t – but today, she did- and I CAUGHT HER!

Wiped out after a long play session and an (attempted) nail trim.

The Can Opener has made several attempts to trim Sushi’s claws, by herself, but without the Marines, it’s just not going to happen. Today she watched a few videos on YouTube looking for tips that might help since she can’t get her into the vet for a trim for at least a few weeks. They aren’t making many appointments.

After watching several videos, she finally decided to try some tips from a Vet who clipped his own (angry) cat’s claws. It looked a lot easier than it actually was- because even though that cat was also angry, it wasn’t “Ms. Alligator Roll.”

Maybe the video will help someone else out there with a militant cat, but for the Can Opener, Sushi won- again.

The Can Opener got a kick out of listening to this cat’s loud objections.
However, Sushi wasn’t amused.

I think Sushi knows those switchblades on her feet are her only means of ruling the roost around here, and she’s not planning on giving them up. No matter how many treats she’s offered. So, what’s next? I’ll be watching… with a big bowl of popcorn!!!

Sushi is paranoid now. Good luck, Human.

Fab Friday Felines

Sometimes I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I take my breath away!

I got a good look at my cute little face. Wow.

Mom’s right. I am absolutely the cutest feline anywhere… I noticed my face in the mirror, and I realized that I truly am “One of a kind.” My stripes are perfectly in order, my nose is flipping adorable, my eyes are light blue, and I’m super smart too!

My humans fell in love with me at first sight, and now its been 7 years, and I finally have them mostly trained.

Sushi tries to take the spotlight- and in a sense, she does. In the sense that there’s always a big “elephant in the room” that the humans have to be careful not to trip over!

The Rug in the Rug.

Sushi complains constantly about being on a diet. The humans are concerned for her because the vet said she needs to lose weight. They are doing everything they can to help her- but the girl was born to eat. She cons the grandkids, and walks in the human’s friends’ houses and helps herself to their food (not the good stuff Mom feeds us), and she’s been taking lessons From Sheba to sniff out treats- even if theyre not in our house.

As much as Sushi hates being on a diet, our Can Opener has plans for her to helep her. I’ll post on that later, from a safe distance. For now, any small animals need to stay inside…..

goodnight!

The Cat Burglar

I didn’t invite her- I thought you invited her?

A Close Encounter of the Feline Kind

This morning has started out very annoying. First we woke up to a smokey haze hiding the sun and giving my fur a weird orange tint. I went outside and had to come back in. I was sitting in the windowsill pouting, then I looked over and saw Sheba come sauntering in, and helping herself to my food.

Oh great. First smoke, and now this.
What!? My Mom’s asleep, and I’m hungry. DEAL WITH IT!

Now, where are those treats I smell?

HEY! Who’s that cat in the mirror?

I’m so glad she didn’t figure out how to get the treats the human leaves up on top of the desk for me. She has to leave them up there in my favorite hangout under the air conditioner because that’s the only place Sushi can’t get to to eat them. But I sure hope she stops staring at herself and leaves soon, because Sushi and I need to have a talk.

Well, that didn’t last long. The Can Opener got up to go into the kitchen and Sheba jumped down and followed her – growling and swatting at her leg! She got escorted outside- then she turned around and HISSED at the door!

Thanks for saving my treats, Mom.

And now for that talk with Sushi….


Sushi’s Friday Funnies

“I TOLD YOU IT’S YOUR TURN TO POST TODAY, SUSHI! GET TO IT!”

My bratty siamese sister is making me WORK!

She’s so flipping rude sometimes! First, she came flying in the house, trumpeting her presence loudly with a mouse hanging out of her mouth, and after she presented it to the Can Opener, and flipped over belly up, loving all the high praises about being such a WONDERFUL huntress, she came over to me, (where I was peacefully laying down rolling my eyes at her performance), and licked my head, purring, and then- she whapped me upside the head and ordered me to do a post!

“OKAY, ALREADY! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ALBINO FLEA!”

Finally, when I convinced the little brat to let me go, she turned to resume her mouse activities and it was gone! MWAHAHAHAHA! Serves her right. Man, I’m sleepy now. I guess I’d better do that post so she won’t interrupt my nap again. So, I asked the Can Opener to help me and she gave me some ideas… I think this will help me get over my frustration with the albino fleabag, and maybe they’ll help you too!


And now for a final thought from the Can Opener….

Thinking and Praying for all my readers all the time. I appreciate every one of you and I know times are hard- but do not lose heart. God listens to prayer- even when you don’t know what to say. Be strong.


Enjoy your weekend!


How to Train your Human

Don’t let them do this to you!

More rules for the discerning Cat.

Today is a beautiful, warm Caturday. A nice, cool breeze, lots of sunshine, no 2-legged noise machines roaring by on scooters with music blaring from their iphones, no noisy lawnmowers, or chatty neighbors gathering to steal my human’s attention- everything is perfectly lined up for a long, cozy nap.

Well, it was anyway. The sun got a little too bright for Sushi and me, so we retreated to the Can Openers’ bed for a nice, long nap. And then, the paparazzi decided it was a great time to snap a few pictures and wake us up. We were not pleased.

That’s when I realized it was time to post another lesson for you poor unfortunate cats who can’t control those annoying humans.

If you want to be taken seriously as a cat, and get the respect of your pet humans, there are a few rules that need to be followed.

1.) MAKE IT UNATTRACTIVE FOR THEM TO DISTURB YOUR NAPS. This is beautifully illustrated by my friend, Spooky.

Great job, Spooky. You’ve got “the Look” purrfected.

2.) DON’T LET THEM DRESS YOU LIKE THEY DID ME.

I could’ve stopped them, but I allowed it just this once for the purpose of illustrating my point. Humans think it’s “cute” to dress us up for their selfish habit of taking pictures of us to post online. If they try to do this to you, do what Sushi does at the vet. It’s called “the Alligator roll.” Here it’s nicely illustrated by a random alligator. Sushi has mastered it.

Sushi follows this technique to avoid those shots and nail trims at the vet. Great job, Sushi!

3.) Don’t sleep in the pots and pans. (Unless they have meat in them- and aren’t turned on).

Oops.

I have more rules to give you, but Sushi and I are going to try again for our naps. They better not interrupt us this time, or the claws will come out!

Go away, human.