Well, I can’t help the feeding part, because that’s up to Mom- but I know from watching Mom that losing weight is more than just eating less. It’s about eating well- (foods that are healthy). But one thing Mom says is you have to exercise too. You can’t just be a couch cat (like Sushi) and expect to lose weight.
The Can Opener tries to get her to play to make her get some exercise, but she just isn’t interested in the dangly thing -(unless the human is using it to play with me)- and my Can Opener has been searching all day for ways to help Sushi start moving so she can lose weight. She’s looked for toys that slow down her eating and supplements, and she’s read articles, and Sushi just wants to lay on a nice, warm nap all day and sleep- (Not that that’s a bad idea).
This morning she was all cuddled up on the end of the bed while the Can Opener was waking up with her coffee, having her devotion, and I decided I’d help Mom motivate her to play. But it didn’t have quite the effect I planned. See for yourself!
Well, she sure is grumpy! I think I’ll leave this problem to the Can Opener, and I’ll go look for another playmate. That one’s got no sense of humor at all!
I was having a nap on my spot right next to the Can Opener’s computer- where it’s really convenient for her to reach over and pet me while she’s typing.
Then I got up to check out the ducks in the yard. But when I came back to finish my nap, I found this… and I was not happy!
The Bed Thief
Sushi just glared at me and went back to sleep. I was not having it. That thing she’s laying on is called a “Boppy.” It’s a special soft pillow meant to wrap around a mommy’s waist while she’s sitting to hold a baby on – and ever since the Tiny Critter outgrew it, I claimed it for my bed (since it wasn’t being used anymore). It’s sooooooo thick and comfy and it lets me settle in perfectly. It’s just my size.
But Sushi decided to claim it for herself – although the whole couch is “her spot.” If she has her way, my boppy will be as flat as a flipping PANCAKE!
So naturally, I tried to have a friendly discussion with her – cat to cat. Nice and civilized. It went something like this:
Jeez. How rude. I’ll just camp out right next to the lamp – and then sleep on the nice, warm keyboard. Let’s see how Miss Fussypants likes THAT!
Why? Because I feel like it. And I’m a cat, so I can. Yesterday Twilight posted about giving thanks… That’s typical of her because she’s a very happy little girl. So am I – until something doesn’t go my way. But it’s not my fault. I’m a tortoiseshell with white (calico)- we torties tend to be very vocal. So, here’s my list of why I plan on having a Whiny Wednesday.
The Can Opener fed me this morning. I should be thankful, right? Well I am- except that she fed me Tiki cat mackerel and tuna. There wasn’t enough of the juicy stuff and the chunks of mackerel were too hard to eat. I felt like I was eating a fishy pillow!
She gave me treats. Another thing Twilight said I should be thankful for. But what she didn’t tell me was that the “treats” are medicine!! They are Lysine chews!! What a dirty trick to pull on a sweet, unsuspecting cat like me. They taste like MEDICINE. Of course, I rejected them.
She brushed me. Here we go again. Another “thing to be thankful for”- but she used a new brush that is meant to de-shed me so I don’t get hairballs. Way to take the fun out of being brushed. *sigh*
She picked me up to cuddle me on her lap. And then, right when I was getting all relaxed and sleeepy, she sneezed. 17 times! (I’m typing this under the bed).
See? I’ve got a bunch of good reasons to whine! *Looking for some cheese…*
Sit down, Human. Sushi and I had a talk and you need to listen.
Now, We waited all day for you to take time with us- and you didn’t have to go anywhere, but you still didn’t take time to play with us! You cleaned our ears (a BIG NO-NO)- you put flea treatment on us -(a BIGGER NO-NO),… and although you cuddled us and fed us treats, you STILL didn’t play with us!
You read, you cleaned, you cooked, washed laundry, washed dishes, and you took care of us, but when we wanted you to stop everything and keep us playing, you didn’t. And then, you kept going back and forth to your sister’s house all day long, leaving me and Sushi wondering just what the flea was going on. So the last time you left to go there today, I followed you- (yes, that’s right)… and I watched through the window as you played with HER CAT! PSYCHO SHEBA! What the flea??
You say you were there because her human had a painful surgery Friday and she needed help. But how was it helping her to feed Sheba and play with HER? Hmmm? I HEARD you two laughing and I saw Sheba chewing on the phone charger while you and her human laughed and YOU EVEN TOOK PICTURES OF HER!
Now, you did take time to spoil us and play with us when you finally got back home -(after I almost turned into an icecicle waiting out on the banister for you to get done and come home), but it wasn’t enough. We think you need to revisit your priorities, and buy more treats. Right, Sushi?
*Rolls eyes* Nevermind.
(Sushi): Oh. What’s right? (Twilight): Just forget it.
I’m tired of trying to get the Whale (Miss Sassypants)- to play with me only to have her swat the holy fleas off me and pounce on me. That thing is a flipping boulder. I may as well have a dinosaur stomping on me. She gets all hissy and pounces on me, so I defend myself like any self respecting cat would, then she flies to the human and acts all wounded and pathetic. That’s it!
I WANT A CHICKEN! Not fried -(they’re no fun to play with)- I want one to chase! But boy, those things sure look silly. And they run fast, and since they only eat corn they won’t be after my fancy feast or whipped cream or treats. What’s more, they can fly (a few inches)- so that promises to be a lot of fun when I chase them. I think I want a rooster. Yep. That’s it. Why?
Because a rooster can chase Sushi away from my food, and he can’t crush me! I also won’t have any more trouble getting her out of bed on her days off.
I just have to say, I have a complaint. Yep. Whether she realizes it or not, the Primary Can Opener around here is the Complaint Dept. I would think the critters have already made that abundantly clear. But somehow she remains clueless. At least where I’m concerned. Why, you say?
Well, for example, I’ve been sitting here patiently in front of the Kuerig all flipping morning, asking for a cup of coffee. But she doesn’t get it. I think that’s unfair. I have a constitutional RIGHT to the purrsuit of happiness, and I’ve been purrsuing coffee all morning and she just helps herself to a cup the size of Texas, and I have to lick whatever drippings the Kuerig leaves behind. I am not pleased. Time to get a refund.
Okay, now that I’ve got that off my furry little chest, I think I’d better introduce you to some fabulous felines (not as fabulous as me, sorry)- before my frustration boils over and I scratch her to ribbons. Then I’ll be grounded (no pun intended) from treats too. She’s so clueless.
Use the other cats in your house to your advantage.
Some cats have a harder time than others when it comes to getting their humans to respond to their wishes. This is because some humans are just plain dumb -(look at politicians, for example)- and other humans aren’t trying to be unkind or careless, they’re just not paying attention to your requests and body language. So, how do you get their attention?
For example, what do you do when you’re hungry and your humans are taking their time about getting up to feed you?
First you have to remind them who the boss is. Humans have this stubborn belief that we are their pets and they are in control of everything. I say it’s time to clear that up for them – permanently.
Methods that work:
The Sweet Snuggle
Most cats try a little morning snuggle with their humans, to gently wake them up. Sometimes this results in the human smiling and immediately getting up to meet your demands requests. Sometimes cats have to go just a little further- like maybe gently licking or pawing at their humans’ faces.
The Race Track
My personal favorite, is to gently climb up on the human’s bed, then wait a second to see if she wakes up- then if she doesn’t, I immediately CHARGE up her body, then across the bed (crossing diagnonally both the Can Opener and the backup Can Opener)- and back again about three times. Usually this works beautifully.
Removing the BLINDers
BUT- If that doesn’t work, the next most effective trick is to jump into the bedroom window, being sure to part the curtains or blinds enough to let the light in. Of course, this is most effective if you have vertical blinds, as they make a loud rattling noise when you fly into them.
Sometimes however, you have to pull out all the stops-This is where it helps if there is another pet in the house. Another cat or (God forbid, a dog).
This morning Sushi and I did all those things, and still our primary Can Opener kept snoozing. We found out later (unfortunately) that she’d had a hard time sleeping because of pain- Oh well, she needed to wake up anyway because we’re hungry. That brings me to the next method:
The Co-Conspirator Method
So, I decided to take matters into my own paws and used Sushi to my advantage. After charging as fast as possible across both humans numerous times, (as Sushi wailed as loudly as possible at the foot of the bed), I jumped into the window making as much noise as possible with the blinds, then waited for her to get up.
After seeing that she still wasn’t getting up, I made an “executive decision” and then pounced on Sushi from the window! MWAHAHAHAHA!
And finally, the resulting war in the bedroom woke them both up (BONUS POINTS)!
Disclaimer: Not all methods work 100% of the time. Before trying the “Removing the BLINDers” method, make sure the windowsill is wide enough to support your weight and your claws will hold. It’s also a good idea to first make sure the window is closed. If it’s open, the blinds won’t make sufficient noise.
Okay, So there wasn’t a “Day One,” or a “Day Two.” That’s because today is the third straight day of icy cold rain and wind, and frankly, I didn’t think about plotting against the weatherman until today. My bad.
The Can Opener says, “Twilight, you’re a little grumpy today- feeling a little cattitude?” I asked her how she’d like her clothes shredded. (Never got an answer- she just sort of suddenly decided to get a cup of coffee and go clean something). I am so tired of rain. The entire backyard (which is my purrsonal playground), looks like a lake (except for all the mud)…. and I can’t go out and play and come in and leave nice, muddy pawprints on things like I normally would. There goes the highlight of my day.
To make matters worse, there’s a flock of at least 20 big fat ducks (and a pair of geese), who constantly hang out on the bike path behind our house at stare at me through the window while the rain is pouring down on them and I swear they’re daring me to come get them. Hope mom doesn’t mind the big puddle of drool in the windowsill.
Now those aren’t the same ducks that have been inviting me to dinner since this flooding started- the human actually made me have to find a picture that looked like them (“since you can’t go out and play anyway”)- It’s not my fault she’s too lazy to put a tarp on and stand out in the pouring rain and get me a picture.
And Sushi is no help at all. She’s perfectly content to stay inside and keep the couch from getting up and walking away.
So since Sushi is too lazy to play with me and the Can Opener says she can’t control the weather, my only choice is to go after the weatherman. But How?
The Can Opener slept in past 7:30 AGAIN today. I was not happy. I gave my very best, LOUDEST bugle call ever, and she still wouldn’t get up until 7:45! Meanwhile, my tummy was rumbling like a thunderstorm in a rainforest, and I just know I lost more weight. I think I even lost a few ounces in my paws this time- and that could be serious! What if my paw pads melt away before she wakes up and feeds me? Not only would I lose my absolutely darling pink paw pads, but I wouldn’t be able to walk! I’d have to just plop on my side and ROLL into the kitchen!
I mean, the Can Opener is sweet and everything, and she gives me lots of love, but you can’t live on love alone! You need Fancy Feast and whipped cream and treats and popcorn and shredded cheese too! And what happens when the Can Opener malfunctions? I can’t go on this way!
Of course, when she got up she told the Backup Can Opener that her tummy hurt- and he replied that he hadn’t slept all night- (he blames the surgery on his arm Saturday)- as if having your arm sliced open is an excuse for not feeding the poor underfed cat.
At least I finally got fed- a whole 10 minutes after the zombie finally got up- but by that time I was desperate enough to eat the first spider that came along- and that’s just plain gross!
Twilight says I’m being a selfish brat- I say, “Well, DUH! OF COURSE I AM! I’M A CAT!”
I was going to do a post to make you guys smile this morning, but Sushi is getting on my VERY. LAST. NERVE. I saw her laying on the rug and swiped at her to let her know I wanted to play and she HISSED at me and smacked me with her tail- so I smacked her back. And she smacked me back. And I smacked her back again.