In the evenings when it finally starts to cool off, I love to go outside and lay on the nice, warm sidewalk to enjoy the peace and quiet. Finally the critters have gone home, and the neighborhood screaming machines have been forced to go inside for the night and go to bed.
The neighbors with their loud grass eating machines and annoying sprinklers have finally gone inside and tv’s can be heard through the open windows. I can smell the mint and roses the human has all over the place, and there’s a big, fat strawberry on her plant that I plan to snatch the first chance I get.
Twilight rolls around on the sidewalk so her boyfriends know she’s outside, Sheba starts the mouse hunt, and I lounge and let the heat on the sidewalk make me sleepy. And suddenly-
That flipping human of ours decides to water the grass, and tomatoes and daisies, and everything else inthe yard- including ME!
If looks could kill, the Human would be a shriveled up piece of toast melting on the sidewalk. But I’m not that lucky. Twilight and Sheba were inspecting the lilac tree for possible mouse activity and they saw it coming and scattered. Again, I wasn’t that lucky.
Then I looked over my shoulder dripping wet, and Twilight and Sheba were snickering behind the bushes. Boy, are they gonna pay! I was too busy drying myself off to deal with the Human and those two mouse-hunters, but believe me, I will deal with them.
For now, I’m planning a special ‘surprise’ for the human in the morning- to pay her back for surprising me. For now, I’m getting some much needed rest after my cold shower.
Today is warm and sunny and beautiful. Yesterday was too. But I wasn’t able to enjoy it. It seemed like all of creation set out to ruin my otherwise perfect day. It started the night before last when the Can Opener groomed me and cleaned my eyes and fed me and later tucked me into bed. Sounds great, right? Well it was. Until I got sick- seconds before she was getting into bed herself.
I know people think we cats don’t care if we make a mess for our humans to clean up, (actually some cats really don’t care)- but I’m not one of those. My human babies me and takes care of me (and just about everybody else) – and she’s always so tired when it’s bedtime. So it really didn’t set well with me that I got sick.
She didn’t get upset at me- she just took care of it like she always does, and then she comforted me and gave me snuggles so I wouldn’t feel bad. But somehow that made me feel worse.
So for the rest of the night I didn’t feel good. When everyone woke up yesterday morning, I still didn’t feel good and refused my favorite food when she gave it to me. I knew she felt bad for me but I couldn’t help it. Then the critters arrived, and she spent the whole day taking care of them, and her garden, and making dinner and doing laundry- and she even tried to play with me but I wasn’t up to it.
Then, when the critters finally went home yesterday, and I felt better, I wanted to go outside and lay in the sun. But the neighbors next door had a bbq, and every critter from here to New York was running around in MY YARD! And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, the other neighbors had all their sprinklers turned on so there was no nice, quiet, place for me to lay in the sun. Even Twilight ran inside and fell asleep in her box under the bed!
By the time things quieted down outside, and the sprinklers were turned off, it was time to go to bed again. And the human was too tired to play.
I hope today goes better – but it feels like a Grumpy Cat kind of day to me.
Today she got on my last nerve. I know she was trying to sleep, but all I wanted to do was play. She didn’t like that idea, so she got up and swatted me and I defended myself and she got even MORE mad. I really think this diet is making her too grumpy to live with.
Look- here’s how it went, just because I tried to play with her.
Please either take her off the diet, and FEED THE THING (enough to satisfy her), or let me sell her. Thanks, Twilight
Well, I can’t help the feeding part, because that’s up to Mom- but I know from watching Mom that losing weight is more than just eating less. It’s about eating well- (foods that are healthy). But one thing Mom says is you have to exercise too. You can’t just be a couch cat (like Sushi) and expect to lose weight.
The Can Opener tries to get her to play to make her get some exercise, but she just isn’t interested in the dangly thing -(unless the human is using it to play with me)- and my Can Opener has been searching all day for ways to help Sushi start moving so she can lose weight. She’s looked for toys that slow down her eating and supplements, and she’s read articles, and Sushi just wants to lay on a nice, warm nap all day and sleep- (Not that that’s a bad idea).
This morning she was all cuddled up on the end of the bed while the Can Opener was waking up with her coffee, having her devotion, and I decided I’d help Mom motivate her to play. But it didn’t have quite the effect I planned. See for yourself!
Well, she sure is grumpy! I think I’ll leave this problem to the Can Opener, and I’ll go look for another playmate. That one’s got no sense of humor at all!
I was having a nap on my spot right next to the Can Opener’s computer- where it’s really convenient for her to reach over and pet me while she’s typing.
Then I got up to check out the ducks in the yard. But when I came back to finish my nap, I found this… and I was not happy!
The Bed Thief
Sushi just glared at me and went back to sleep. I was not having it. That thing she’s laying on is called a “Boppy.” It’s a special soft pillow meant to wrap around a mommy’s waist while she’s sitting to hold a baby on – and ever since the Tiny Critter outgrew it, I claimed it for my bed (since it wasn’t being used anymore). It’s sooooooo thick and comfy and it lets me settle in perfectly. It’s just my size.
But Sushi decided to claim it for herself – although the whole couch is “her spot.” If she has her way, my boppy will be as flat as a flipping PANCAKE!
So naturally, I tried to have a friendly discussion with her – cat to cat. Nice and civilized. It went something like this:
Jeez. How rude. I’ll just camp out right next to the lamp – and then sleep on the nice, warm keyboard. Let’s see how Miss Fussypants likes THAT!
Why? Because I feel like it. And I’m a cat, so I can. Yesterday Twilight posted about giving thanks… That’s typical of her because she’s a very happy little girl. So am I – until something doesn’t go my way. But it’s not my fault. I’m a tortoiseshell with white (calico)- we torties tend to be very vocal. So, here’s my list of why I plan on having a Whiny Wednesday.
The Can Opener fed me this morning. I should be thankful, right? Well I am- except that she fed me Tiki cat mackerel and tuna. There wasn’t enough of the juicy stuff and the chunks of mackerel were too hard to eat. I felt like I was eating a fishy pillow!
She gave me treats. Another thing Twilight said I should be thankful for. But what she didn’t tell me was that the “treats” are medicine!! They are Lysine chews!! What a dirty trick to pull on a sweet, unsuspecting cat like me. They taste like MEDICINE. Of course, I rejected them.
She brushed me. Here we go again. Another “thing to be thankful for”- but she used a new brush that is meant to de-shed me so I don’t get hairballs. Way to take the fun out of being brushed. *sigh*
She picked me up to cuddle me on her lap. And then, right when I was getting all relaxed and sleeepy, she sneezed. 17 times! (I’m typing this under the bed).
See? I’ve got a bunch of good reasons to whine! *Looking for some cheese…*
Sit down, Human. Sushi and I had a talk and you need to listen.
Now, We waited all day for you to take time with us- and you didn’t have to go anywhere, but you still didn’t take time to play with us! You cleaned our ears (a BIG NO-NO)- you put flea treatment on us -(a BIGGER NO-NO),… and although you cuddled us and fed us treats, you STILL didn’t play with us!
You read, you cleaned, you cooked, washed laundry, washed dishes, and you took care of us, but when we wanted you to stop everything and keep us playing, you didn’t. And then, you kept going back and forth to your sister’s house all day long, leaving me and Sushi wondering just what the flea was going on. So the last time you left to go there today, I followed you- (yes, that’s right)… and I watched through the window as you played with HER CAT! PSYCHO SHEBA! What the flea??
You say you were there because her human had a painful surgery Friday and she needed help. But how was it helping her to feed Sheba and play with HER? Hmmm? I HEARD you two laughing and I saw Sheba chewing on the phone charger while you and her human laughed and YOU EVEN TOOK PICTURES OF HER!
Now, you did take time to spoil us and play with us when you finally got back home -(after I almost turned into an icecicle waiting out on the banister for you to get done and come home), but it wasn’t enough. We think you need to revisit your priorities, and buy more treats. Right, Sushi?
*Rolls eyes* Nevermind.
(Sushi): Oh. What’s right? (Twilight): Just forget it.
I’m tired of trying to get the Whale (Miss Sassypants)- to play with me only to have her swat the holy fleas off me and pounce on me. That thing is a flipping boulder. I may as well have a dinosaur stomping on me. She gets all hissy and pounces on me, so I defend myself like any self respecting cat would, then she flies to the human and acts all wounded and pathetic. That’s it!
I WANT A CHICKEN! Not fried -(they’re no fun to play with)- I want one to chase! But boy, those things sure look silly. And they run fast, and since they only eat corn they won’t be after my fancy feast or whipped cream or treats. What’s more, they can fly (a few inches)- so that promises to be a lot of fun when I chase them. I think I want a rooster. Yep. That’s it. Why?
Because a rooster can chase Sushi away from my food, and he can’t crush me! I also won’t have any more trouble getting her out of bed on her days off.
I just have to say, I have a complaint. Yep. Whether she realizes it or not, the Primary Can Opener around here is the Complaint Dept. I would think the critters have already made that abundantly clear. But somehow she remains clueless. At least where I’m concerned. Why, you say?
Well, for example, I’ve been sitting here patiently in front of the Kuerig all flipping morning, asking for a cup of coffee. But she doesn’t get it. I think that’s unfair. I have a constitutional RIGHT to the purrsuit of happiness, and I’ve been purrsuing coffee all morning and she just helps herself to a cup the size of Texas, and I have to lick whatever drippings the Kuerig leaves behind. I am not pleased. Time to get a refund.
Okay, now that I’ve got that off my furry little chest, I think I’d better introduce you to some fabulous felines (not as fabulous as me, sorry)- before my frustration boils over and I scratch her to ribbons. Then I’ll be grounded (no pun intended) from treats too. She’s so clueless.