Category Archives: grumpy

How to Train your Humans

Yes, I’m back. With a lesson to help you cats train those annoying humans.

Use the other cats in your house to your advantage.

Some cats have a harder time than others when it comes to getting their humans to respond to their wishes. This is because some humans are just plain dumb -(look at politicians, for example)- and other humans aren’t trying to be unkind or careless, they’re just not paying attention to your requests and body language. So, how do you get their attention?

For example, what do you do when you’re hungry and your humans are taking their time about getting up to feed you?

First you have to remind them who the boss is. Humans have this stubborn belief that we are their pets and they are in control of everything. I say it’s time to clear that up for them – permanently.

Methods that work:

  • The Sweet Snuggle

Most cats try a little morning snuggle with their humans, to gently wake them up. Sometimes this results in the human smiling and immediately getting up to meet your demands requests. Sometimes cats have to go just a little further- like maybe gently licking or pawing at their humans’ faces.

  • The Race Track

My personal favorite, is to gently climb up on the human’s bed, then wait a second to see if she wakes up- then if she doesn’t, I immediately CHARGE up her body, then across the bed (crossing diagnonally both the Can Opener and the backup Can Opener)- and back again about three times. Usually this works beautifully.

  • Removing the BLINDers

BUT- If that doesn’t work, the next most effective trick is to jump into the bedroom window, being sure to part the curtains or blinds enough to let the light in. Of course, this is most effective if you have vertical blinds, as they make a loud rattling noise when you fly into them.

Sometimes however, you have to pull out all the stops-This is where it helps if there is another pet in the house. Another cat or (God forbid, a dog).

Who, ME?

This morning Sushi and I did all those things, and still our primary Can Opener kept snoozing. We found out later (unfortunately) that she’d had a hard time sleeping because of pain- Oh well, she needed to wake up anyway because we’re hungry. That brings me to the next method:

  • The Co-Conspirator Method

So, I decided to take matters into my own paws and used Sushi to my advantage. After charging as fast as possible across both humans numerous times, (as Sushi wailed as loudly as possible at the foot of the bed), I jumped into the window making as much noise as possible with the blinds, then waited for her to get up.

After seeing that she still wasn’t getting up, I made an “executive decision” and then pounced on Sushi from the window! MWAHAHAHAHA!

And finally, the resulting war in the bedroom woke them both up (BONUS POINTS)!


Disclaimer: Not all methods work 100% of the time. Before trying the “Removing the BLINDers” method, make sure the windowsill is wide enough to support your weight and your claws will hold. It’s also a good idea to first make sure the window is closed. If it’s open, the blinds won’t make sufficient noise.

Twilight

The Plot Against the Weatherman

Day Three

Okay, So there wasn’t a “Day One,” or a “Day Two.” That’s because today is the third straight day of icy cold rain and wind, and frankly, I didn’t think about plotting against the weatherman until today. My bad.

The Can Opener says, “Twilight, you’re a little grumpy today- feeling a little cattitude?” I asked her how she’d like her clothes shredded. (Never got an answer- she just sort of suddenly decided to get a cup of coffee and go clean something). I am so tired of rain. The entire backyard (which is my purrsonal playground), looks like a lake (except for all the mud)…. and I can’t go out and play and come in and leave nice, muddy pawprints on things like I normally would. There goes the highlight of my day.

To make matters worse, there’s a flock of at least 20 big fat ducks (and a pair of geese), who constantly hang out on the bike path behind our house at stare at me through the window while the rain is pouring down on them and I swear they’re daring me to come get them. Hope mom doesn’t mind the big puddle of drool in the windowsill.

photo by Omar Ramadan (Pexels)

Now those aren’t the same ducks that have been inviting me to dinner since this flooding started- the human actually made me have to find a picture that looked like them (“since you can’t go out and play anyway”)- It’s not my fault she’s too lazy to put a tarp on and stand out in the pouring rain and get me a picture.

And Sushi is no help at all. She’s perfectly content to stay inside and keep the couch from getting up and walking away.

Good God. Not even Hercules couldn’t pick that couch up with her on it.

So since Sushi is too lazy to play with me and the Can Opener says she can’t control the weather, my only choice is to go after the weatherman. But How?



Whiny Wednesday

it’s your fault, Twilight…

It’s just not fair!

The Can Opener slept in past 7:30 AGAIN today. I was not happy. I gave my very best, LOUDEST bugle call ever, and she still wouldn’t get up until 7:45! Meanwhile, my tummy was rumbling like a thunderstorm in a rainforest, and I just know I lost more weight. I think I even lost a few ounces in my paws this time- and that could be serious! What if my paw pads melt away before she wakes up and feeds me? Not only would I lose my absolutely darling pink paw pads, but I wouldn’t be able to walk! I’d have to just plop on my side and ROLL into the kitchen!

Oh, get a grip, Sushi!

I mean, the Can Opener is sweet and everything, and she gives me lots of love, but you can’t live on love alone! You need Fancy Feast and whipped cream and treats and popcorn and shredded cheese too! And what happens when the Can Opener malfunctions? I can’t go on this way!

Of course, when she got up she told the Backup Can Opener that her tummy hurt- and he replied that he hadn’t slept all night- (he blames the surgery on his arm Saturday)- as if having your arm sliced open is an excuse for not feeding the poor underfed cat.

At least I finally got fed- a whole 10 minutes after the zombie finally got up- but by that time I was desperate enough to eat the first spider that came along- and that’s just plain gross!

Twilight says I’m being a selfish brat- I say, “Well, DUH! OF COURSE I AM! I’M A CAT!”

Boy, I may just have to get myself a new Can Opener.

Monday Musings

I was going to do a post to make you guys smile this morning, but Sushi is getting on my VERY. LAST. NERVE. I saw her laying on the rug and swiped at her to let her know I wanted to play and she HISSED at me and smacked me with her tail- so I smacked her back. And she smacked me back. And I smacked her back again.

We had an argument.

Boy, she’s so GRUMPY!


A Weird Day

Something’s up…

The Can Opener wasn’t herself today

For the last day or two the Can Opener didn’t seem to be feeling good. I mean, she looked good, but didn’t feel like playing with us, and she spent a lot of time just reading. She is always so active and busy it got Twilight and I worried, because she didn’t do any of the things she normally does, and we’ve never seen her so quiet. So we decided that maybe she needed some cheering up- so we’re going to lighten things up a bit.

We think it’s time for some silliness!


The Rainy Day Boredom Fix

I’m bored.

This wet, cold weather has to GO!

At first, I thought it was just because it was so early when the Can Opener got up and let me out. Everything outside was drenched, and it was so cold it made my whiskers stand on end. I was going to go outside and try to catch a mouse or two for the Can Opener’s surprise breakfast in bed, but I knew even the mice would’nt come out to play in this weather, so I went back inside to wait for things to warm up a little.

It was nice and toasty inside, but there was nothing going on that even hinted of fun- the Can Opener was hardly awake enough to know her name yet, as she had only had her first three cups of coffee, and I knew If I didn’t let her get an adequate amount of coffee down before she fed me, Sushi and I could end up with God-knows-what in our food dish.

One day, she was so sleepy, she poured Cheerios in our dish, and Rachel Ray dry cat food in the critter’s bowl. Lucky for the Critter, she realized it before she poured the milk. (Wish Sushi and I had been so lucky).

So, since it was obvious no one was going to play with me, and it was still rainy and cold out, I looked over and saw Sushi asleep on the couch and came up with a genius plan…

Wanna play?
WAKE UP!! IT’S TIME TO PLAY!
Well, GEEZ! You woke up on the wrong side of the couch!

Fine. I guess I’ll go look for the cute little yellow stray that stopped by yesterday- at least she won’t be so grumpy!


Friday Feline Stress Relief

I tried to get Sushi to play with me today. Yeah- not happening.
Are you crazy, flea? You know I don’t play! Beat it, kid.
Well, Geez. You’re just a big bundle of fun. I think I’ll go play with an alligator.

Okay, I’ll show you what fun is supposed to look like

Oh my gosh. YOU’VE LOST IT!
Fine. Goodnight.
You sleep too much.

That Psycho Cat Next Door

My Purrfect Playtime was interrupted!


Yesterday, the Can Opener was playing with me after she got her first cup of coffee, and we were having so much fun… and then this furry bundle of nerves came walking into our kitchen looking for my food and begging for treats!


Do I smell treats?

Lucky for me, she didn’t like what was in my dish, and my Can Opener didn’t give her any treats – so after harrassing my human for a little while longer, she chased me up on top of the refrigerator, and saw Sushi sleeping on the couch and hissed at her for good measure, then growled at my human and stalked out the door!


Trying to con my human into feeding her!

I really didn’t appreciate her growling at Sushi -(that’s my job)- but I was really mad that she growled at my Can Opener! So of course, I had to chase her out of the house and we had a talk about it. The human didn’t get there fast enough to take pictures, but just to give you an idea, it went something like this;

Geez- I sure hope Santa is too busy to notice…
No Twilight!
I warned you, kitty!
OH NO!

Sushi is getting on my last nerve!

Boy, she sure is grumpy in the mornings!

Here we go again!

All I wanted to do was start a game with Sushi and play with her for a little bit while the Can Opener got her coffee and woke up. But apparently she has no sense of adventure or humor in the mornings. Personally, I think the Can Opener should start serving HER coffee. Maybe then she’ll lighten up a little bit.

I started by grooming her like I always do. Usually, she grooms me back. But this morning I think she didn’t like that I was winning the game I started. Of course, maybe I should’ve told her we were playing a game first – but I don’t really think it woud’ve made a difference.

Here’s how it went when I tried to play with her….

After this, I just ate breakfast and went out to find Sheba so we could chase mice together since Sushi wouldn’t play with me. But Sheba had kept her human up all night and wouldn’t let her sleep, so by the time she finally got to go outside, she took off like a rocket for the stream behind our house and I couldn’t find her. It’s just not fair!

When I came back, Sushi still was in no mood to play because after I left, the Can Opener had played with her and after only about 10 minutes Sushi was already tired and wouldn’t play with her anymore, either. She’s just a big bundle of FUN. Oh well. She’s a lot older than me, so I think it’s time to amuse myself…


WITH SOME CAT TV!