Category Archives: How to Cat

The Sushi Diet Chronicles

One more remark about my fat, and the mat gets shredded!

I’m getting fed up with this diet stuff.

The Can Opener is getting on my last nerve! She does her workout, and just because I come to coach her and make sure she does all the moves right, she thinks I need to work out too. I think that trainer is going to her head.

Next thing I know, she’ll be serving me salad, or tofu. And now, I hear I have a vet appointment to get my claws trimmed, and some shots. You know what that means? That means SCALES. That means I have to practice the Alligator roll and get better at it. Last time that vet wasn’t prepared for me. The human said that when the vet brought me back out to the car, she was breathless and looked like she’d been through Armageddon.

I did good.

I stretch, and sharpen my claws on the mat while she’s doing her lunges and stuff and that IS my workout. Does she praise me for it? NO. she tells me I’m making her trip over the mat. (Hey, that’s a GREAT IDEA)!

“But I DID do pushups! I’m sitting up, aren’t I?”
“Man, that was hard work. I need a snack!”

Well- I guess I may as well play- I have to get my strength up for the Alligator roll.

The Cat of My Dreams…

I’m not as young a kitty as I once was, but MEOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!

I found my soul mate last night- and I think we’ll get along beautifully!

I was napping on the laptop keyboard last night while the Can Opener was *trying* to use her computer, and something caught my eye and I haven’t been able to think of anything else since…. (except food)…

I don’t know what his name is, but this dude is my dream cat! I’m going to have to find a way to meet this handsome boy! Watch his video, and you’ll see why- not only is he HANDSOME, but he can teach me his tricks so I can defeat this ridiculous DIET the Can Opener has me on.

Or, at least learn how to steal more goodies!

*Back off, Twilight & Sheba- this one’s all MINE!*

The Sushi Diet Chronicles

Here we go again.

Sushi’s workout time has arrived. And she’s not happy.

Image by Анна Куликова from Pixabay

Twilight and Sushi’s Cat Facts

We’ve been talking…

Sushi and I want you to understand some basic things about us cats. Ready?

1.) When you call us, we hear you just fine. But we’re waiting to see what’s in it for us.

“I can’t hear you!”

2.) Just because we scratch, doesn’t necessarily mean we have fleas. Sometimes we just can’t figure you out.

” Eight zillion humans in this world and I got stuck with this one.”

3.) Yes, we talk about you, judge you, and sometimes laugh at you too.

“Oh, my Fleas! Humans are such morons!”

4.) We take our playtime seriously- you should too. Don’t tease us!

“You’re stopping already?”

5.) Everything is forgiven when treats are opened *purrs*

Have we told you lately how much we love you?

Twilight’s (Attempted) Thursday Therapy

*Deep inhale*

Smell that, Sushi? That’s the smell of freedom!

No, Dummy- That’s the smell of SHEBA!
Where? I don’t see her!?
I thought I told you to stay out of our yard…
Uh- I live next door.
But- I think my human just called…..
Good. Bring back some tuna and treats and we’ll talk.
I’ll take a nap until you two get over it. Let me know who wins.

Wednesday’s Whacky Cats

I found some crazy cats that my human cracked up over. (Not that it takes much).

I figure that maybe if I point her to these dustballs, she’ll forget about making me “exercise” and leave me alone for a little bit so I can catch up on my napping schedule. I’m unbelievably behind. I’m supposed to sleep around 18 hours a day, and I’m lucky to get 3 hours a day, between the vacuum cleaner, the constant “grooming,” Twilight pouncing on me to get me to play, and the two Critters squealing and coming after me all day long.

It’s hard being so beautiful and loveable. Because it means humans can’t resist me. It’s great when it works, but when it interferes with my naps, we have a problem. So, Maybe I can use these cats as a distraction for the humans so I can finally get an uninterrupted nap.

First, the oddballs in the family.

And now, for some even crazier cats to distract the human so I can sleep!

Ahhh. This is the life.

Sushi and I were having a nip discussion…

The heat wave is gone. Now we need to have a catnip party.

I think my human thinks I’m not affected by catnip. It’s really a sad situation. She says she gave me some back when she first took me in and I sniffed it and walked away. But hey, I’d like to try it again. After all, I was just a little tiny thing when she first adopted me.

I’ve been hearing a lot about it from the two siamese brothers down the street. They keep saying I should have them sneak in for a box and nip party when the humans leave for the 4th.

But wouldn’t you know, she doesn’t want to leave Sushi and me alone while they go watch fireworks and celebrate.(Figures). That’s because Sushi is afraid of all the racket from the fireworks and anyway, she hates it when the humans leave. It brings back bad memories for her and she gets scared. Besides that, she just plain wants to make sure there’s someone here to open her cans of food. I’m not real good at opening cans either. But I know if they leave, they’ll be back. (It’s just my luck.)

Hey- I know a tabby down the street that can help us out!
PERFECT! Tell him to bring boxes!
BOXES!? We need nip too!
*sigh* I give up. Let’s just plan the party.

Not your ordinary Rat.

The battle rages…

I tried to explain to that rat how things go around here. I tried to warn him….

Unfortunately, he didn’t listen to me, and he is apparently not afraid of my human. He doesn’t know her very well. Now any rat in its right mind wouldn’t just boldly come strutting out and touring in the middle of the day.

This guy apparently isn’t in his right mind.

The human was having a nice, peaceful coffeebreak the other day, and suddenly this idiot rat decided to come out and look at her and say hello.

She had an answer for him right away- but it wasn’t a friendly hello. I don’t know if it thought she would offer it coffee and a doughnut, or what- but if it did, it was severely disappointed. Because all of a sudden the battle was on. Coffee sat forgotten on the couch, Sushi flew out of the room (at the pace of a snail)- and I saw that human move faster than a flipping comet, while the broom did things I didn’t know it was capable of.

And still that rat sat staring at her, as if to say, “Give it up, lady. You know you can’t catch me and your cat is too fat to catch me too.”

And the rat looked at me and snickered. He knows I don’t do rats. I do mice, bugs, birds and fish.

He is a nervy little moron. Well, I didn’t feel like taking him on, because I’m saving all my energy for duck hunting at the stream. But since he laughed at me, I told him- “Dude, your days are numbered. The exterminator is coming to get you on Wednesday.”

Then his expression changed- and he ran away. But I have a feeling he’s still around here someplace. And the human won’t rest until he’s history.

Say your prayers, rat.
Image by Please Don’t sell My Artwork AS IS from Pixabay

The Exterminator (Story)

I’m back…


Well, that cup of coffee that wasn’t supposed to last long this morning, lasted longer than I expected. That wasn’t because I displayed my impressive switchblade collection (claws) and demanded the human wait for a refill, it was because she had unfinished business to take care of that had kept her up until 1:30 am last night in a flurry of activity -(Which is why I couldn’t get her to post for me last night- or until now).

You know how every house has things stored in various places, things that used to be frequently needed or used, but have long since been forgotten?

There are other places in every house where things are useful, and yet aren’t used regularly, so they just sit until they’ve been there longer than the stone age. Things like bottled water, extra storage bags, waffle irons used only occasionally, baking pans that are rarely used, etc. Well, the night before last, I was telling our Can Opener what to write for our post, and she heard a noise in the kitchen.

That normally wouldn’t have been a big deal, but the backup Can Opener was already asleep, Twilight was outside, and nobody was in the kitchen at 11:30. Nobody human, anyway.

So much for that Sleepytime tea….

The Can Opener had long since cleaned up the kitchen and was just having hot tea and doing my typing, so she had to investigate when she started hearing more suspicious noises. So, she followed the sounds into the kitchen and then heard a loud metallic CLANG from under the kitchen sink. I watched as she proceeded to open the cabinet under the sink, then suddenly jumped away! A RAT climed up onto the top of the washing machine and was looking very startled and unhappy.

Well, he wasn’t the only one. My human immediately did everything she could to get him out – but he was a lot faster than she is. So, she did the next best thing. She looked to see if I knew there was a rat on the washer, and I was watching and waiting for popcorn.(She never brought me any).

So then, she opened the door and called Twilight in (The Exterminator).

Who, being the highly effective cat she is, promptly ignored her and left for the stream behind the house. Good job, girl.

image courtesy of Clker-Free-Vector-Images/29565 (pixabay)

I think the rat was waiting for popcorn too. But he didn’t get it either. The human amused us both for hours going on a cleaning frenzy and was up half the night trying to get rid of the nocturnal nightmare. It didn’t work.

She threw out tons of food she had under the kitchen sink too – food she had recently bought because of sky-rocketing prices, (things we use regularly and run out of often). New, unopened food. Boxes of oats, (unopened) bags of chips, boxes of crackers, boxes of cereal (all new, and unopened). The little nightmare had even chewed the labels off a can of pumpkin that was under the counter.

Twilight eventually came moseying inside, and instantly stopped in front of the cabinet and sat there, sniffing, prowling- (for hours). Then decided she was ready to eat. Hello- there’s a RAT available….

Lucky for the human -(and the rat), he didn’t mess with the boxes of French Roast k-cups she had just put there- she’d be out for blood and hire a hit man to kill him.

Oh wait- she did.

Since Twilight only wants him for a toy, she called the other Exterminator. (the one she has to pay). Poor guy’s days are numbered. Hope he enjoys them while he can.

Good show, Mr.Rat. Pity we didn’t get the popcorn.

Image by chun li from Pixabay