Category Archives: How to Cat

Here he is again….

Go someplace else, Smokey! This is OUR HOUSE!
I’m Smokey- and they don’t know it yet, but they’re going to adopt me.

I’ve been stealing everyone’s heart

Aren’t I cute? I’m absolutely adorable, and I know it because every neighbor around here tells me all the time. Today I visited Twilight and Sushi’s house -(they have the best food, and the Can Opener doesn’t yell at me and chase me away like some of the other neighbors). A lot of the neighbors around here are trying to help find out where I belong- if I’m lost or something.

But I keep telling them where I belong! Right HERE on Twilight’s throne! The problem is, Twilight and Sushi disagree and the Can Opener listens to them, not me. So I have to convince the Can Opener that I’m cuter than them.

So far I’m not having much luck. And the big one looks like she could eat me- so I’m kind of nervous, but the food is great in the neighborhood- and sooner or later, somebody is going to adopt me!

Mom- he’s back- get rid of him or I WILL!

FINE! I’LL GO…(But I’ll be back)…. at dinnertime!



Time with Twilight

The Can Opener has had her paws full – with helping her sister- and a bunch of other stuff. I decided enough is enough!

This lady needs some new brakes.

If you thought we all got abducted by aliens, we didn’t- and we’re not sitting someplace in the Bahamas sipping coconut water, either (yet). But we’re pretty sure that if that was an option for the Can Opener, she’d be on it like a flea on Sushi.

She’s been up at 4:30 most mornings serving us – (after Sushi takes a few bites off her nose)- and taking care of the Critters, plotting gifts for birthdays and Christmas -(no waiting til the last minute around here)- and of course, getting called in to work.

But for the last few days she’s been spending a lot of time looking after her sister who has had some trips to the ER – things seem to have settled down now, so the first thing I meowed to Mom this morning is to take time to relax and do something just because she wants to (like typing for me). For once, she actually listened! šŸ˜¹

So, before something else happens to make her too busy again, I’ve noticed there’s a dark, handsome, male siamese who has been coming to see me every night! I think I like him! šŸ˜»

Last night I was sitting on the doorstep and noticed him lurking around in the neighbor’s garden drinking from her sprinkler…

This is like one of those puzzles where you have to find a hidden object...Can you find him?

I think I’m going to stay out tonight so I can follow him and find out where he lives!


Image by Robert Kyriakis from Pixabay

How to Train Your Humans

Later, Sushi- I have a lesson to do.

Help them Catify!

I haven’t posted a lesson for you would-be respectable cats for a while, because I’ve had my paws full around here with the critters, Sushi, and the would-be feline home invader, Smokey.

But he got me thinking… of course, if he is lost, or was left behind by a family who moved out, he needs a home, and cuddles, and food- and of course, flea treatment (for the love of Ceiling Cat, PLEASE)!

But whether a cat moves in to a home by manipulation (Smokey is good at that)- or by invitation, a respectable cat still needs to know how to train his “owners.”

Now, Smokey hasn’t been adopted (but he sure is trying)- because the Can Opener has her paws full already -(and the whole neighborhood loves him and wants him).

But for you cats who are adopted, here are a few pointers you help you train your “owners” to your specifications.

For one, help them “Catify” the house to your liking….

Claim the computer- so you can sell the other pets on ebay and make sure they’re not looking at videos of other cats.
Once you snuggle up on a lap, don’t let them get up.
Make sure they take you surfing on demand. Cats need entertainment too.
Don’t let them back-talk you.

And make sure you tell them how to fix your castle to your liking…

Make your design choices clear to the Resident in charge. Otherwise, catification won’t happen.

How to Train your Humans

It’s time for some more lessons on training your humans. I’d better get some coffee and get started!

Too many kittens out there have no clue.

It’s springtime- and with spring comes kitty litters! Freshly brewed cute, adorable, clueless kitties who have no idea how to grow into a respectable cat. That’s why they need me to teach them!

We cats are highly intelligent and resourceful, but a baby anything needs to be shown how to grow and thrive- and most importantly, how to rule their humans. Remember- we were once worshipped in Egypt.

So, kittens- (and cats who need a refresher course) – First, remember that humans are suckers for a cute little kitty face. Look up at them adoringly, making sure your eyes are big and innocent – (that way they won’t suspect you when you’re naughty). šŸ˜¹


Next, remember to respond when they babble “talk” to you so they think you’re listening to the rules. This will increase your chances of being adopted because you’ll appear to be “trainable.”

Once you’ve convinced them you’re and adorable little innocent angel, and you get adopted you can start practicing training them!

If you practice enough, you can have them feeding you treats just because you’re cute!


If there are loud, two-legged Creatures who live in your new home, make friends with them quickly. Be sure to follow them around and sleep with them at night. Why?

1.) They have lots of toys. They like to play.

2.) They eat constantly. And they leave crumbs everywhere.

3.) They’ll leave the butter on the counter.

4.) They’ll grow up to be extra Can Openers.

5.) They’ll defend you when you do wrong.


Sooner or later they’ll decide to bathe you (it’s the grown-up human version of playing with Barbie dolls).

Just a heads up- Once you let them do this, it’s all over. They’ll think you like it and will insist on doing it for the rest of your pathetic life.

For the love of Ceiling Cat, DON’T let them do it. This is your cue to use your God-given weapons.

Teeth and CLAWS.

GOOD LUCK.


Now go practice on your un-suspecting humans and I’ll be back again soon with more lessons. ā¤ļøā˜•šŸ’š


Caturday Cats

My favorite thing to do on a Caturday, is follow the Can Opener around getting extra snuggles and treats.

It’s Caturday! Time to do your (cat) thing!

Cats love Caturday. Unless their humans leave them alone all day, or they have a bazillion creatures running around tearing the house apart, throwing things, screaming and shredding the drapes – (before you get the chance), or putting their grubby little fingers in the cat food, and dumping out your water. That might stress a cat out – just a little.

When a cat has to deal with things like that, they might show some signs of being a little hissed off. They might misbehave a little bit- or just plain lose it altogether…

And especially if there are little critters running around in the house with their playmates, your cat might get slightly exhausted from all the chaos and just drop into a coma…

But if they don’t drop into a coma or lose their minds, they may decide to spend some time problem solving…

Or use their Caturdays to settle a score…

Whatever you humans have planned for your Caturday, better make sure your cat is happy too!


Friday Fab Felines

I love this chair, Human. Nobody else gets MY chair!

Cats that are (almost) as fabulous as Me!

It’s been busy around here for the last couple of days, and the Can Opener needs some rest. So, I told Sushi to sleep on the laptop so she couldn’t get online and spend time ignoring us to do her grocery shopping. At least, that was the plan.

Unfortunately, even though Sushi’s a whale, The Human was still able to pick her up. So, we had a long, boring day while she shopped online and then, did her grief counseling, and set up physical therapy appointments, and signed a new lease, worked out, and attacked the house with that electronic beast (AGAIN). I hate that big, noisy thing!

Now she’s in pain, and “can’t” play with us. We knew this was going to happen, but we couldn’t stop her from wanting to “get things done.”

Staying busy helps her deal with grief. But, when is there time to relax and play? So, since I can’t stop her from all this busy- stuff, I just sit and glare at by her and work on my guilt inducing glares. Apparently, she either isn’t noticing, or I’m losing my touch.

So, I consulted some of my cat pals in the neighborhood for ideas on how to distract her from her distractions and get her attention. I found some pals that are (almost) as cute as me. I’ll try some of their ideas and hope for the best!

I wonder what she’d do if I sunk my teeth into her desk drawer like this? Probably would hurt…
Maybe I’ll borrow her blow dryer like this guy did- if that doesn’t get her attention, nothing will!
Hey! This will WORK! Now I wait until she goes to bed….
Now, here’s an idea… If I sit in one of her favorite plants and stare like this, she just may wonder what’s up…
Well, not a bad idea for such a tiny little kitty. I’ll try this next.
And now I wait… She can’t stay awake forever!

We’re Just Too Cute. Really!

Hey, Sushi- how about you write our post for tomorrow? I just want to lay here and watch for My Mama to come for dinner- That way the Can Opener has more time to prepare a feast for Mom and me
What? But I’m taking a nap!
Well, fine. I need a snack now anyway- and besides, SOMEBODY needs to write about our cuteness- (mine, specifically)!

“Once upon a time, there was a Siamese cat, and a beautiful, highly intelligent Tortie, (who was also very beautiful and smarter than the little flea Siamese, and their human liked the Tortie more than the little white flea uh- other cat,….and…”


Oh NO! MY STORY DISAPPEARED!

Twilight, why did you do that!!!! It’s all your fault! And now my paws are hurting and I don’t want to type all that again- and anyway, everybody knows I’m the cutest…


Oh forget it! I’ll do it later- I need another nap.
Sushi, you’re such an idiot! *Sighs*


Caturday’s Crazy Cats

It’s a NEW BOX! And It’s just my size!

Sushi and I have been busy

I’ve been talking to Sushi about ways to get the Can Opener to settle down and do something to relax for a while and today we found just the thing- so we want to share it with you too. We didn’t think there were any cats cuter or more entertaining than us, but after seeing this handsome Siamese and the other clown cats in this video, we just may be wrong.

Well, Sushi may be wrong- I’m never wrong. And if this is wrong, it’s Sushi’s fault. *Just sayin’.*

Watch and laugh- but the Siamese is going to be my new boyfriend- (I’m going to tell him-Just so he knows).