I found some crazy cats that my human cracked up over. (Not that it takes much).
I figure that maybe if I point her to these dustballs, she’ll forget about making me “exercise” and leave me alone for a little bit so I can catch up on my napping schedule. I’m unbelievably behind. I’m supposed to sleep around 18 hours a day, and I’m lucky to get 3 hours a day, between the vacuum cleaner, the constant “grooming,” Twilight pouncing on me to get me to play, and the two Critters squealing and coming after me all day long.
It’s hard being so beautiful and loveable. Because it means humans can’t resist me. It’s great when it works, but when it interferes with my naps, we have a problem. So, Maybe I can use these cats as a distraction for the humans so I can finally get an uninterrupted nap.
First, the oddballs in the family.
And now, for some even crazier cats to distract the human so I can sleep!
Disclaimer: No cats committed crimes today (at least not any of us), and no kittens were really hurt.
A Celebration of Father’s Day For the Backup Can Opener
Today was set aside to be an early Father’s Day celebration for our Human Daddy. He was completely surprised. So were we. Sushi and I didn’t know our humans were going anywhere. We just woke up from our naps and they were gone. And so was our warm, sunny day. I think the Weather guy got confused, because our warm day turned into a cold, rainy day. And our humans didn’t come back home until later. We’ll get even with them, you can count on it.
They spent the day with the Critters and their parents, playing games and having a barbeque. They came home smelling like burgers, and french fries, and hot dogs- and chocolate. And none for Sushi and me. Like I said, we’ll get even later.
They discovered a game called Cat Crimes– They played it for a long time- with Serafina Coaching them and snoopervising. She had to show them how to play…
When they were done playing that game, she had to teach them how to play Exploding Kittens.
They played that until the food was ready and then everyone forgot about the games. Including Serafina and Abby – (who was too busy looking for burgers to hang around for pictures). Then they played video games. Boy, do they have a LOT of explaining to do.
Tomorrow, Sushi and I will have some plans of our own. And WE won’t be playing games!
Undercover Career- Relaxation & Meditation Coach and Bodyguard
Abby is especially cuddly and observant. Among many other qualifications, she loves to be right in the center of the action. She loves her Mom so much that she really can’t stand to be parted from her and is very protective. She’s constantly watching out the windows (as is Serafina), to make sure no bugs, squirrels, racoons, or other pests try to get in to distract her Mom while she’s working or disturb her.
She’s also highly sensitive to her Mom’s feelings and frustrations when she’s having a rough day at work, so these unique qualities make her the purrfect Undercover Relaxation and Meditation coach.
As a Relaxation and Meditation Coach, her Mom’s wellness and peace of mind is her first priority (besides food), so she makes it her business to know where her Mom is at any moment of the day- especially when she’s working and starting to feel exhausted, and frustrated. That’s her cue to jump up and occupy her Mom’s lap -(especially during those moments when she can discern that her Mom is about to get up to get a cup of coffee, or go to the bathroom).
She does this to remind her Mom to stay focused on her work. So she won’t get distracted by things like getting a few minutes of exercise, or taking a break for unnecessary things like eating lunch.
Actually, I’ve been an Undercover Cat Career Agent since before I was adopted here. My previous owner was gone so much, I decided I had to find a way to support myself, and I’ve never been the kind of cat that would go around begging strangers to feed me -(they can’t afford my taste- except at the White House, and I don’t trust those guys).
So I put word out on the streets that I could help cats get recognized for their special skills if they’d bring me certain favors. Like Lobster (from the Rich cats that wanted to get richer). Or tuna, and shrimp from the cats who have Parents that work in the seafood department or go fishing. Hey, a cat has to do something to survive when their owner takes off and stays gone and leaves them with nothing but dry cereal, water, and bugs.
Here’s one of my favorite students- she actually belongs to the the Critters- her name is Serafina, and her parents buy her really good food- unfortunately, she likes to eat as much as I do, and it doesn’t matter if she’s actually hungry or not. Because for Serafina (and me)- Eating is not just a necessity. It’s a passion. We would be chefs, but most of them won’t allow us in their restaurants. Idiots!
Serafina’s special talent qualified her for an undercover career as a cordless vaccuum cleaner. And she does an excellent job. She is specially trained to only pick up food crumbs and treats that fall into the floor, or onto the couches (which Jazlyn and Lily are very faithful to leave for her to practice on). She’s turning into a real pro. Tomorrow, I’ll brag about another favorite career cat I trained, Abby (who lives with the Critters and Serafina).
For now, it’s my bedtime. It’s been a long day- Twilight and I have been working all day.
I think everybody needs something to smile about, so that’s why my pals and I got together to show you our royal cuteness. Enjoy!
Well, GEEZ! I was just about to end my post, and Sheba HISSED at me on catbook because I only posted ONE picture of her! Some cats are so flipping SENSITIVE! Fine. I’ll add some more pictures of her Royal Hiney, Sheba, the Psycho cat next door (But Sushi and Serafina and Abby and I are the cutest)!
Okay, well, Sheba is kinda cute. I know because she told me.
Welcome back, fellow felines. Today’s Lesson is called, “Get Spoiled.” Every cat wants to get spoiled of course, because we deserve it. We’re beautiful, loving, sassy, and entertaining- and frankly, usually smarter than the humans who think they own us.
Nevertheless, we need them, since we don’t have the ability to open cans or purchase treats and toys for ourselves. So, Let me show you how to make sure you get spoiled rotten, and are the queen (or king) of whatever house you choose for “home.”
1.) Even though every cat instinctively avoids the tiny little tornadoes, be sure to occasionally surprise them by (carefully) getting close enough to them to allow them to touch you and feel your soft fur.
The reason for this is, when they see how soft you are, and hear you purr when they touch you, they will be 57% more likely to actually ask to feed you food and treats.
(Save the biting and clawing for times when you’ve had enough).
2.) Speak up and let them know when you’re hungry. And don’t be quiet about it. “The squeaky wheel gets the oil,” as they say. Sushi is especially good at this.
When the Can Opener’s alarm goes off at 4:00 every morning, Sushi is on the bed right by her pillow yowling at 3:59 am. Insistently. Urgently. With claws ready. Guess what? The Human springs out of bed at the speed of light to feed her before she wakes up the other human. Nice Job, Sushi.
4.) Occasionally do the unthinkable and humor the Can Openers by letting them bathe you- This makes them feel like they have a love hungry “Baby”- Most humans are crazy about babies (go figure). And if they think you like to be “babied,” you typically get whatever you want.
Of couse, there are exceptions to this rule, but that’s what teeth and claws are for.
Be sure to stop by Next Wednesday for Lesson 8 of How to Train Your Humans.
3.) When You see the humans eating something you want, get as close as possible to them (discreetly)- then when they least expect it nudge your way over to the delectible treat they’re eating and sniff it. If your human is already well trained, they’ll hand it over. If not, keep after them until they do. Politely hint…. like Sushi (see below):
Well, our Christmas was cold and the Can Opener left us locked up prisoners in the house the whole flipping day. We were a little miffed- but we realized it wouldn’t do us any good anyway, because the turkeys took off to be with the grown critters and the itty bitty ones for Christmas.
So we decided to save our pouting and revenge for when they got back since they couldn’t see us giving them the evil-eye anyway, and we needed to save our energy for our purrfect plot. Way to spoil a cat’s Christmas! *grumble*
They left early and had the nerve to stay out until long after dark. They had the neighbor come over and check on us and give us food, and they left Cat TV on for us- but we still weren’t happy, because she didn’t serve us our whipped cream tower, or treats, and she even served me in Sushi’s dish! I can’t eat out of HER dish! I’ll get Sushi cooties! And, she fed Sushi in MY DISH!! DISGUUUUUUUSSSTING!!!!! *coughs up hairball*
And when they came home they smelled like the critters and SERAFINA AND ABBY! They were loving on them when they should’ve been home spoiling us!
Here- take a look at the EVIDENCE we found on the human’s phone!!
And then there were all these pictures of the Critters and their gifts….
Well, all this evidence means Sushi and I have a lot of work to do to retrain this Can Opener. Great. I’m getting busy! Hope you all had a peaceful, healthy Christmas- and Happy kitties!
We’re Still getting ready for Christmas and that nosy Elf just keeps popping up!
Sushi started attacking a plastic bag this morning and some toys the Can Opener left out for us last night when she went to bed, and just as she was preparing to rip into the bags and shred them all over the living room, she had a funny feeling she was being watched-
And then she saw that Elf. She doesn’t like him. She likes her privacy when she’s going to be naughty and shred things. She says he ruins her fun because he makes her nervous. Then she locked eyes with him (above), and threatened to shred him if he doesn’t go away. (He just sat there and kept right on smiling)- not smart.
Meanwhile, at the Critters’ house, Serafina and Abby just ignore the little dude and plot their usual mischief not the least bit concerned about the little red-cheeked tattletale.
Serafina is planning on climbing the tree to knock down some of her favorite ornaments (and hopefully scare that Elf away), and Abby has decided to enjoy “her” new throne- (That was just bought for the little critter).