Twilight and I have finally put it together and now we know what makes the Can Opener leave us alone (suddenly) for the whole.flipping.day twice every year. And we are grounding the Can Opener.
I think this time the excuse was “Christmas.” Twilight noticed that when the Critter’s parents’ car pops up (without the Critters)- it usually means the Can Opener is going to disappear for the day and we’re going to be stuck watching cat tv and that means I’m not going to have my warm snuggly lap or the Can Opener to feed me treats and cover me up with my blankie- and Twilight will be smashing into the tv all day trying to get mice from inside the screen until she’s dizzier and dumber than normal.
Of course, the Can Opener doesn’t ask our permission first- she just feeds us (our ‘last meal’) – then flies out the door and comes home forever later smelling like C.A.T.
NOT like me and Twilight!
Last night she got home really late- (we were almost starved to death by then- I could see the BOTTOM of my bowl)! She also came home loaded down with presents and food- but it was all the kind of stuff she says we can’t eat. Nice thing to do to two starving cats who are moments from starving to death, huh?
And this is is why….
Our cheating human calls them her grand-kitties.
That’s right- she calls them her GRAND-KITTIES! HOW INSULTING! We’re way grander, aren’t we Twilight? Well, anyway, I am…. and here’s proof!
No wonder Mom said we can’t eat what she brought home. She can’t either.
Sushi and I have decided to stop waiting on the Can Opener to feed us, and to take matters into our own paws. Our cousin, Serafina, gave us the idea. A couple of days ago, the Critters’ parents ran out of dry cat food and borrowed some of ours. The big Critter forgot to take it into the kitchen when she got home from being at our house, and Serafina decided she wasn’t going to wait for feeding time. See for yourself!
Last week, the Can Opener had a mystery surprise delivered and she couldn’t figure out why she got it- she hadn’t ordered anything- but when we opened it, and we loved it! It turns out, it was from one of the grown Critters that came from out of town when the Backup Can Opener went to heaven… and we knew right away it was for us!
The Can Opener’s grown Critters are really sweet- when they came to help her care for the Backup Can Opener, they took turns caring for him at night so she could rest. They took her out to eat while their hubbies stayed with him because she was too stressed to even remember to eat. Now she’s worried about gaining weight! Anyway, they got her through it, and made things so much easier for her because she didn’t feel alone. And besides, she loves them and hadn’t seen them for a long time.
They brought gifts for her – and COFFEE- and new coffee mugs- and that made her smile too. And they sat around the hospital bed talking about their favorite memories of him. It’s amazing the difference a loving family makes at a time like that. They even thought about us kitties- and the Critters’ Dad, even said he would take over feeding Sushi and Me (and giving Sushi her medicine)- so Mom didn’t have to worry about forgetting to feed us.
But they’re gone back to their homes now- so Sushi and I aren’t playing games. We’re going to find ourselves some thumbs so we can open our own cans!
You know, I would love to have a heating pad to claim as my own mom, but you haven’t given us one. Yet, I looked in your phone and found pictures of Abby lounging lazily on a nice, warm heating pad in tons of pictures taken while you were away. FOR OUR THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY.
There’s Serafina (with her tongue hanging out) also- lounging lazily on top of the sound bar in front of the tv. You don’t let US do that!
And then there’s these….
Now, we all know that’s YOUR laptop, Mom. Why would you let another cat near your laptop? That’s our EXCLUSIVE right!
And then there’s THIS. (You’d better have a GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS ONE)…
You may apply for forgiveness- (no later than 10 am tomorrow morning)- but there’s no guarantee of acceptance. Just sayin.’
I contacted Serafina on catbook to see how the Tiny One is doing now. She was so sick on Friday, that she didn’t talk at all, she couldn’t play, she cried if she was offered food and water, and she had a fever that didn’t want to go away. The Can Opener and the Critters’ Mom and Dad prayed for her and gave her lots of love and cuddles, and all day Saturday she still had fever- (even higher)- but they took good care of her and Serafina decided to take over playing her guardian angel when she got home.
Serafina became a purring heating pad for the Tiny One and assisted her in changing the channel on the Nintendo switch by laying on the controls for her. She also helped her get plenty of water by being sure to “accidentally” bump her water bottle over so she’d get a few sprinkles when she was reluctant to drink.
Then she set about to make her laugh by tickling her face with her whiskers when the Tiny One laid down for her nap. When she took her bath, Serafina followed her and sat on the side of the tub helping her by testing the bubbles to let Mama know when she should add more bubbles. She also pawed any toys off the side of the bathtub that were reluctant to dive into and play, which delighted the Tiny One and made her shriek with laughter and splash harder -(making sure Mommy also got plenty of water, since it’s hard work to take care of a little one who isn’t feeling well).
By the end of the day, The Critter was laughing and getting into mischief again and was back to her sweet, funny, cuddly little human self. Therefore, I’m sounding the alarm for all the cats in the neighborhood. Serafina says it’s only fair to give them some advance warning.
Meanwhile, Sushi and I are getting lots of sleep while we can- and we recommend the Can Opener does too. She’s going to need all the rest she can get!
It’s very important to yawn correctly. Nobody wants to stretch out your jaw muscles. That makes it really hard to catch those delicious birds and mice.
When someone’s working from home, they need constant reminders to stop and take a break to eat, stand, or PET THE CAT.
On hot days when people are having garage sales, it’s important to make sure they didn’t forget to water the lawn first.
Yes, even cats aspire to be models. But she’s doing double duty here. She’s not just posing for a portrait, she’s also faithfully holding that fuzzy blanket in place. It won’t go anywhere with her around!
I found some crazy cats that my human cracked up over. (Not that it takes much).
I figure that maybe if I point her to these dustballs, she’ll forget about making me “exercise” and leave me alone for a little bit so I can catch up on my napping schedule. I’m unbelievably behind. I’m supposed to sleep around 18 hours a day, and I’m lucky to get 3 hours a day, between the vacuum cleaner, the constant “grooming,” Twilight pouncing on me to get me to play, and the two Critters squealing and coming after me all day long.
It’s hard being so beautiful and loveable. Because it means humans can’t resist me. It’s great when it works, but when it interferes with my naps, we have a problem. So, Maybe I can use these cats as a distraction for the humans so I can finally get an uninterrupted nap.
First, the oddballs in the family.
And now, for some even crazier cats to distract the human so I can sleep!
Disclaimer: No cats committed crimes today (at least not any of us), and no kittens were really hurt.
A Celebration of Father’s Day For the Backup Can Opener
Today was set aside to be an early Father’s Day celebration for our Human Daddy. He was completely surprised. So were we. Sushi and I didn’t know our humans were going anywhere. We just woke up from our naps and they were gone. And so was our warm, sunny day. I think the Weather guy got confused, because our warm day turned into a cold, rainy day. And our humans didn’t come back home until later. We’ll get even with them, you can count on it.
They spent the day with the Critters and their parents, playing games and having a barbeque. They came home smelling like burgers, and french fries, and hot dogs- and chocolate. And none for Sushi and me. Like I said, we’ll get even later.
They discovered a game called Cat Crimes– They played it for a long time- with Serafina Coaching them and snoopervising. She had to show them how to play…
When they were done playing that game, she had to teach them how to play Exploding Kittens.
They played that until the food was ready and then everyone forgot about the games. Including Serafina and Abby – (who was too busy looking for burgers to hang around for pictures). Then they played video games. Boy, do they have a LOT of explaining to do.
Tomorrow, Sushi and I will have some plans of our own. And WE won’t be playing games!
Undercover Career- Relaxation & Meditation Coach and Bodyguard
Abby is especially cuddly and observant. Among many other qualifications, she loves to be right in the center of the action. She loves her Mom so much that she really can’t stand to be parted from her and is very protective. She’s constantly watching out the windows (as is Serafina), to make sure no bugs, squirrels, racoons, or other pests try to get in to distract her Mom while she’s working or disturb her.
She’s also highly sensitive to her Mom’s feelings and frustrations when she’s having a rough day at work, so these unique qualities make her the purrfect Undercover Relaxation and Meditation coach.
As a Relaxation and Meditation Coach, her Mom’s wellness and peace of mind is her first priority (besides food), so she makes it her business to know where her Mom is at any moment of the day- especially when she’s working and starting to feel exhausted, and frustrated. That’s her cue to jump up and occupy her Mom’s lap -(especially during those moments when she can discern that her Mom is about to get up to get a cup of coffee, or go to the bathroom).
She does this to remind her Mom to stay focused on her work. So she won’t get distracted by things like getting a few minutes of exercise, or taking a break for unnecessary things like eating lunch.