How to handle stress (cat version)
I know that all the humans are under a ton of something they call “stress.” We cats don’t really understand what that means, because well, we’re cats. So, I googled it when the Can Opener stepped away from her computer for one of her ever – increasing keuring visits.
Here’s the definition (according to Google) of “stress:”
Stress can be defined as the degree to which you feel overwhelmed or unable to cope as a result of pressures that are unmanageable.
Like I said, we’re cats- so we don’t really understand how that feels. The closest thing we get to it, is when the humans decide we need a visit to the vet (or, God forbid), a BATH.
But while I’m outside every day
spying , I mean, observing the neighbors around here, I hear them all complaining about things that are going wrong everywhere so I think it’s time to share some feline coping skills.
We cats have great ways of staying relaxed. That’s why we all have 9 lives and we never suffer from insomnia.
Here’s some of my favorite secrets for staying happy in the middle of whatever is happening.
- Hit the nip- Catnip does wonders. This helps with my next tip:
- Take time for the humans- (interaction is important and keeps them feeding you, and may result in treats).
- Spend time connecting with nature- (catch a bird or two every day).
- If someone annoys you, ignore them. Cats are experts at this.
- Sleep 18 hours every day. You’d be surprised how many problems you’ll avoid dealing with.
- PLAY DAILY- tackle anything that moves.
- NEVER WATCH THE NEWS.
- Eat constantly. Let the humans do the diet thing.
- oh, Yes- and BE THANKFUL FOR YOUR BLESSINGS.
And now, some pictures of me de-stressing…
Well, I was de-stressing until Sushi jumped down to take over the play session!
How to deal with the other pets in the house
No matter what breed of cat you are, or how pretty, fluffy and smart you happen to be, there’s often another “Pet”- (aka. pain in the tush)- in the house that sets out to squeeze you out of the picture and steal the affection, playtime, and food that is rightfully yours. How does a self respecting cat eliminate that problem?
First, make it clear that you’re on to them.
Give them a look that would kill a horse (just don’t turn it on any nearby horses- it’s not their fault). That will alert them that they aren’t getting by with anything – and that you’ll get even. It’ll also serve the purpose of making the other cat (or whatever) duly paranoid.
When it comes to feeding time don’t fool around.
Be the first one to wake up your can opener by any means necessary- I find that a good strong bite on the nose is especially effective for this- but pouncing right on their eyes is a good option, too. If that doesn’t work, there’s always the option of knocking something noisy (and preferably expensive), into the floor. You’d be surprised how fast they’ll spring out of bed!
Then lead your half-asleep human to the kitchen and demand she feed you in a safer spot. Like on the kitchen counter- where the other resident flea bag can’t acess your food.
Whatever the other pet does well, do it better.
For most cats, this is a no-brainer. However, if the other pet is a dog, you’ve got it made, since most of them have marbles for brains, anyway. If the dog brings your humans’ slippers to them (for example), don’t worry about it- they probably chewed holes in them first. Just outdo him by bringing their car keys to them. Then give the dog the look that says,
“I unlike you, know what they really need.“
If the other pet is another cat that thinks they’re prettier than you, (like Sushi thinks of me), do some glamour shots of yourself dressed up – then prance around like you’re the Queen of England. Here’s an example. Sushi snapped pictures of herself on the human’s iPhone to make herself look smarter than me. Well, I can do that too.
Let’s see how Sushi likes THIS!
I think Sushi found herself a boyfriend somewhere in the neighborhood- because she has finally snapped. That’s right- she got the Can Opener’s phone and started taking pictures of herself on Snapchat!
I mean now, she’s taking pictures of herself that no cat in her right mind would ever allow- see for yourself! Meanwhile, I’m going to locate her “boyfriend” and warn him that he may be in over his head- I mean, they don’t call her “Miss Fussypants” for nothing!
(Warning: these photos could be offensive to most cats)…