I really don’t like this Paparazzi stuff first thing in the morning, Human.
You’re snapping pictures of me while I’m trying to sleep on your lap. You know that’s a bit of a distraction, right? How about if you just look for some other cats on your phone and let me sleep, alright? You have hundreds of pictures of me anyway, for pete’s sake! I mean, between that and you getting up to refill your coffee, how the heck do you expect me to go to sleep? What is it about that coffee that is so irrestiable to you anyway?
Okay, well that’s a start- are you settled now? I’m going to sleep- no more pictures, ok?
Our human has been researching Siamese kitties. She is so in love with my (adorable) breed that she wants to do some posts about us, because we’re so smart and active, and talkative and entertaining she thinks everyone should have at least one siamese kitty.
When Sushi heard about this, she got jealous. “What’s wrong with me?” she asked. Well, nothing- but you’re not siamese. “I can be if I want to!” she said. Hmmmm. How does that work?
I tried to explain it all to her and she listened for a few minutes but then it was thundering and she ran away -(as fast as a boulder can run, that is). So I went to see where she was “running” to, and discovered it was only her food dish.
Yep. Her tummy growled and I thought it was thunder. My bad.
So, since today is Tuesday (still the start of the workweek for humans and they get all depressed about that)- I decided that today’s blog will be siamese cat memes! We siamese cats are great for relaxing our humans and giving them reasons to smile. So here we go!
You’ve been paying too much attention to Sushi lately.
So, I’m going to remind you how utterly adorable I am. I know I’ve been staying outside a lot lately, but my Mama has been coming to play- and Mocha (the siamese down the street that adores me) has been waiting for me to come out and play. And, well, he is handsome. So,….
Anyway, I haven’t been upset at you- I just love being out at night when its warm – (and when Mama and Mocha are out). So since I’ve been gone so much I decided to stay inside today so I could be near you and remind you how loveable I am. I know you didn’t forget- but I think Sushi did. This way, she’ll know she can’t just hog you all to herself.
I want to thank you for being such a good human to Sushi and me. Thank you for always grooming me and buying me good food and lots of treats and whipped cream. Thank you for taking me to the vet when you need to know I’m okay – (even though I cry), and for not letting the other cats pick on me. Oh, and thanks for always keeping those fleas off us, and for letting me take over all your favorite spots.
Now, for those reminders….
Next time Sushi tries to hog you all to herself, remember these okay? You and I both know I’m the cutest, but she’s bigger than me, so let’s just keep it our little secret. Okay, bye! Mocha’s waiting for me!
I have to admit I don’t like that the human has me on a diet, but in spite of my best attempt at pleading eyes, she still insists on keeping me on it. It’s downright depressing. Twilight gets to eat whenever she wants- “but Twilight’s only 8 pounds!”- or so the Human says. It’s still not fair. I mean, look at me. I’m twice her size, (and older) so I say I have seniority here. Obviously if I’m bigger, I need more food. But NO! According to the vet, I need less food, and the human is doing her best to see to it. Dangit.
But, at least one great thing comes with it….
And that is that the Can Opener schedules daily playtime with me now and makes it as much of a priority as her own workouts! She bought me a new toy, and Oh, my CATS I love it! Hey, at least she doesn’t make me do her workouts- holy catnip! Mine are a lot more fun! See for yourself!
Whew! I’m exhausted! I still hate being on a diet, but now I know I’ll get scheduled playtime every day because the human thinks its important for me.
I keep seeing “help wanted” signs all over the place. Problem is, they’re all looking for humans.
And everybody knows that humans are no match for cats. Think for a minute about how much smoother things would run if cats were in charge. Humans are a persnickety bunch- and they always gripe about their jobs. That’s because they don’t go for jobs that suit their personality type and the things they’re best at. So when they work somewhere for some random stranger, they are quick to complain and try to get out of doing their job.
We cats, however, know what we like and don’t like and we don’t try for jobs that we don’t want to do. We only look for jobs we would love to do. That’s why we we’re so good at being cats.
Since we hired you as our Can Opener, human, you were trained to be our perpetually available treat dispenser and can opener. Now we hear that you’re leaving today and aren’t going to be here for our evening treats, whipped cream and tuna dispensary. Or, for our breakfast and lunch tomorrow.
WHAT THE FLEA ARE YOU THINKING?
So, you’re going to be with the Critters and their parents…again? The last time you went over there, you came back smelling like Serafina and Abby. Did you feed them while you were there? We can smell it on you, you know!
I know you make sure we’re taken care of, but here’s the deal- you’re OUR Can Opener! And besides, we miss you when you’re gone! So pardon us while we guilt trip you for leaving us here alone while you Feast and play games with your critters. Feeling guilty yet???
Mom’s always telling us to play nice. I don’t think so!
I happen to know that when Mom buys a new toy for us, she means it for both of us. But Sushi hogs it all to herself from the moment it’s delivered and she sniffs it out.
I don’t know why, but this thing has Sushi so captivated she won’t let me play with it unless she’s asleep on the bed and she doesn’t know it. The rest of the time she guards the thing like it’s her life. She will even lay on it when she’s done playing, and then growl when the Can Opener picks it up off the floor.
And the worst part is, the Can Opener lets her get by with it because “the vet said she needs to lose weight.” *HMPF!*
And she said it’s the first toy she’s used with Sushi that actually gets her MOVING. Even the vacuum cleaner won’t make her move. Mom could roll it right over her back and she’d lay there sleeping.
But I want my turn with that toy- so I think I’ll try a trick of my own to get her moving. There’s a big dog down the street holding a sign that says “will bark for food”- I’ll swap him a can of Fancy Feast to come chase Sushi, and maybe that’ll get her moving….right out the door!
Then that toy will be all mine. And I’ll lose 16.3 pounds! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!