Category Archives: the Big Critter

I want a Refund!

Where do I go to get a refund on my day?

My kingdom got infested with CRITTERS… and that was just the beginning!

I stayed inside this morning when the Can Opener got up at 4- because I stayed out late last night to hunt with my Mama. A handsome siamese from a few blocks away keeps coming over and stalking me even though I tell him I’m not that kind of girl. Last night, my Mama came and the Can Opener fed her and a few minutes after she went back inside, he growled at my Mama because he wanted her food! Lucky for Mama and me, the Can Opener heard it and came out and chewed him out for messing with “her babies!”

Well, that was last night. So since our playtime and hunting was interrupted, I stayed out later, so when the Can Opener woke up at 4 this morning, I wanted to sleep.

But, Instead of waking up slowly with her coffee and her Bible and journal, this time the human started cleaning out the refrigerator and freezer, and I got nervous (I have 4 open cans of food in there and I didn’t want her to throw it out)! I decided to stay inside and figure out what was wrong with her.

Then the Critters came bursting through the door and all of a sudden the human decided to start breakfast way too early. We were studying her wondering what happened.

Cats don’t like routine changes- or infestations in their kingdom.

Immediately after breakfast, we discovered why our whole morning had been turned upside down. There was a grocery delivery that suddenly appeared right as the Can Opener had finished cleaning up after breakfast.

Then, she turned the Critters loose to go run outside and ruin my kingdom! They slid on my slide, and played in MY tunnel, and swung on my swing and then put huge PUDDLES OF WATER everywhere that sprayed water out on me and got me wet! Not only that, they scared my Mama away from coming to play with me on the playset! And, another Critter came to chase the Tiny One around and play ball with her- so, I had to go back inside to stay dry, and avoid getting hit by a flying ball (or airplane).

Right when I thought it was safe,…THE VET!

Then, the next thing I knew, the Critters were picked up – and SO WAS I! I was put in my carrier and the Can Opener took me to the vet to rattle me a little more. I was poked, prodded, had my claws trimmed, my ears and mouth stared into, a thermometer put in a very inconvenient place, and then, I got TWO SHOTS and was surrounded by big, barking dogs on my way out the door! All I want to know, is how do I get my money back for this day?

*Just you wait, human. I’ve got a nice BIG Mother’s Day surprise waiting for you!*

They Discovered my Undercover Cat Careers

Thanks a heap, Twilight.

So now I get to brag!

Actually, I’ve been an Undercover Cat Career Agent since before I was adopted here. My previous owner was gone so much, I decided I had to find a way to support myself, and I’ve never been the kind of cat that would go around begging strangers to feed me -(they can’t afford my taste- except at the White House, and I don’t trust those guys).

So I put word out on the streets that I could help cats get recognized for their special skills if they’d bring me certain favors. Like Lobster (from the Rich cats that wanted to get richer). Or tuna, and shrimp from the cats who have Parents that work in the seafood department or go fishing. Hey, a cat has to do something to survive when their owner takes off and stays gone and leaves them with nothing but dry cereal, water, and bugs.

Here’s one of my favorite students- she actually belongs to the the Critters- her name is Serafina, and her parents buy her really good food- unfortunately, she likes to eat as much as I do, and it doesn’t matter if she’s actually hungry or not. Because for Serafina (and me)- Eating is not just a necessity. It’s a passion. We would be chefs, but most of them won’t allow us in their restaurants. Idiots!

Serafina is one of my favorite students. She’s a quick learner.

Serafina’s special talent qualified her for an undercover career as a cordless vaccuum cleaner. And she does an excellent job. She is specially trained to only pick up food crumbs and treats that fall into the floor, or onto the couches (which Jazlyn and Lily are very faithful to leave for her to practice on). She’s turning into a real pro. Tomorrow, I’ll brag about another favorite career cat I trained, Abby (who lives with the Critters and Serafina).

For now, it’s my bedtime. It’s been a long day- Twilight and I have been working all day.


A Crazy Caturday!

Today was a different kind of Caturday. I’m still recovering!

WHAT A DAY!

I should have known today would be a weird day, when the Can Opener didn’t seem to be her usual self when she woke up and headed for the Keurig. I couldn’t put my paw on it, but something felt off. So, as I usually do, I bolted out the back door to look for Mama or Sheba or some nice, juicy baby duck to play with.

When I came back inside about 2 hours later, the Critters and their parents were there visiting! My human was back to her cheery self and the kcup supply was diminishing rapidly, so I knew everything was going to be okay. She must’ve just woke up with a headache.

The Critters ran out into the backyard to play, and the Can Openers visited with their grown up Critter (Jazlyn and Lily’s Mom)- and had coffee and then made butterfly shrimp and french fries for everyone and discussed Mother’s Day plans. Soon it was time for Lily’s nap, but all the excitement had her too wound up and they decided to go home.

And then it happened…

After they left, Sushi gave our Can Opener the look that said, “I don’t appreciate my nap being interrupted, human. Don’t let it happen again.” Then she headed for the bedroom to take her nap without further interruptions, and I settled down on my human’s lap and was being snuggled, and brushed and was just beginning to fall asleep when suddenly we all heard a roar in the distance that got closer and louder- and things started to shake- and I tried to bolt- I could tell my humans were afraid-

There was an Air Force jet flying so LOW over our house!

The noise was SO LOUD and it sounded as though something was about to crash into our living room before we could even move! The Can Opener tried to hold onto me and calm me, but I flew off her lap and ran for cover. The two Can Openers could hear the jet long after it was out of sight, but the whole neighborhood was shaken and wondering what was happening. All I wanted to know was whether or not it was safe to come back home!

And on the way back to their house…

Our Can Opener searched the news stations for any mention of a planned Air Force flyover (like they do sometimes for the 4th of July)- but there was no mention of anything anywhere she looked. Everything settled down after that, but everyone was wondering what was going on- especially considering the problems in our country right now.

Things soon calmed down after a while, and all the neighbors went back inside, but the Can Opener thought about the Critters and their parents- who had only been about 10 minutes away from our house when it happened. She called to find out if they had seen and heard anything, and they had. The jet had flown over them as they were going over a bridge- and the first thought was that there was some attack happening- but it wasn’t. Still it unnerved everyone- especially because of the suddenness of it- and Jazlyn (the Big Critter) was afraid the bridge they were on might collapse and they would go into the water.

They made it back home, and things returned to normal, but we were all struck by how sudden and how loud and scary it was. (Except for Sushi- who somehow managed to sleep through the whole thing).

Only an empty stomach wakes Sushi up.

Speaking of empty tummies, I’m going to go talk my human into opening a can of tuna to calm my nerves…..



All Better and Back to Mischief…

There goes my nice, quiet sunbath.

With Sheba Helping

The Can Opener and Sushi were just flat delighted to have those two – legged Critters back here today. I don’t know what’s wrong with them. For a pair of Critters that were sick last week, they sure as heck seem ready to take on the world. Or, at least my little patch of it anyway.

And of course, Sheba had to help them ruin my nice, quiet sunbathing session.
When the Tiny Critter wanted to get on the little slide, Sheba decided it was HER turn.

Then they ran toward the swingset armed with Outshine Bars ready to drip on everything they touched. I stayed out of the way, safely under the bush.

Look! There’s Sheba!

I thought if Sheba was in her right mind, she’d steer clear of them too- but apparently Sheba is as crazy as a flipping loon. The next thing I knew they were squealing with delight while Sheba chased them and climbed all over the swingset swatting at them and chasing the big Critter who kept teasing her.

Then Sheba had to prove her ownership of the swingset- by climbing all the way up to the top to try to snag the Big Critter’s hair. They all thought she was playing- but I think Sheba had sinister plans…

Then, as if right on cue, it suddenly started raining- (no rain in the forecast)- and they had to go inside. I could’ve sworn I saw Sheba give me a paws up as they hurried in out of the rain.

Nice Plan, Sheba. Maybe you’re not so crazy after all.


Sushi’s Monday Musings

It’s Monday again- But even though people hate Monday, I’m happy! The Tiny One will be here!

I’m excited to see my Tiny Critter today!

It’s felt so strange around here without the little noise-makers that keep our Can Opener busy. The poor little things were feeling pretty lousy and had fevers so they stayed home with their Mom and Daddy and got spoiled.

But here’s the deal- I get spoiled a lot more when the Critters are here than when they aren’t. When they’re here, they sneak me more treats than I would usually be allowed to have- and they love to scratch that spot in my back that I can’t quite reach. Of course, they also like to yell, and a cat laying in the middle of the rug around here is taking its life in its paws- because once those tiny feet attached to an excited tiny little one get going, they can’t always stop before noticing “the rug in the rug.”

Yes, I think this spot will be safer than laying in the rug…

Another plus to the Critters coming back, is that they love to feed me us. The Can Opener feeds us, of course- but when the Tiny One and its sister are here, she’s so busy taking care of them, helping them with school, and keeping them occupied, that she can easily lose track of when she fed us last.

And The Critters are more than willing to open endless cans of food for us. I just love those two!

Well- until they get here I’m going to remind the Can Opener one more time that I’m starving (even though she just fed us)- It’s so easy to get extra food when she’s rushing around getting ready for their arrival! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I’m HUNGRY!


Critterpated – Again.

You can’t go anywhere baby kitten. You’re my human.

A Scary time for the tiny one- but I made it better!

My little humans came back today and I was so happy to see them. They always make me feel like a queen- they light up and drop whatever they’re doing when I walk into the room and rush over to pet me and give me love and treats.

Today they visited with the Can Openers for a bit before school, and then when it was playtime they all went outside to play on the swingset. The Tiny One was squealing with delight at the top of her lungs because she was so happy it was finally sunny and warmer and she couldn’t contain her joy when she got on the swing. She proudly demonstrated to the Can Opener that now she could swing all by herself and didn’t need to be pushed anymore -(but of course, if the humans wanted to, she wouldn’t mind).

But after being on the swings for about an hour, I was asleep on the couch and suddenly heard the Tiny One scream like I’ve never heard before and when I looked out the window, I saw her being picked up and held by the Can Opener quickly- and soon they all came inside. She was crying and afraid, because while she was swinging, she had happened to glance down, and saw that a yellow jacket was on her dress! She was instantly terrified, and afraid it was going to sting her before she could stop swinging and get down from the swing, and the human quickly picked her up and scared it away!

Luckily , she didn’t get stung- but it scared her bad enough that they had to come inside – so her sister wrapped her in a blanket, and sat on the couch comforting her and handed her the iPhone to watch a cat video and calm down while the Can Opener made her hot cocoa and Whipped cream.

Pretty soon she calmed down and forgot about the evil yellow jacket – especially when she saw that Twilight ran outside when the human told her to go get that thing! (Twilight loves to chase bugs).

After that, they had lunch and played with silly putty until it was naptime for the Tiny One. That’s my favorite time of day when they’re here, because as soon as the Tiny One is settling in for her nap, I love to come jump up and lay with her and the Can Opener and watch over her while she sleeps.

Sometimes, (like today), if she’s not quite asleep yet, she’ll hear my trill when I jump up on her, and feel me lie down with her and she’ll smile and reach out to pet me and “tuck me in.” I may be just a cat, but I’m telling you, that’s the best feeling in the world.

I love the Tiny One.


The Return of the Critters

Time to hide-

They’re back….

This morning the tiny Critter and her sister were here before the sun came up. How come they can get the Can Opener out of the bed that early, but I can’t without chewing her nose off?

The house is quiet- dimly lit while the Can Opener takes her time having her morning coffee, listening to worship music and praying when she wakes up at 4 am. Then at 6 am the house explodes with laughter and, “You’re a BABY!”/ “NO I’M NOT A BABY, I’M A GROWNUP!”

And from that moment on (once Daddy leaves)- silence takes wings and flies the heck out of there just like Sushi and I. Maybe ‘silence’ is a cat too.

Of course, I actually really love those two- the tiny tornado loves to pet me and her face lights up when she sees me as though I’m the most purrfect thing in the world- but man, she’s loud!

They watched the sun come up and then I decided to take advantage of them just sitting there staring out the window to remind them that they hadn’t petted me, and that I wouldn’t be at all offended if they wanted to throw some Redi Whip and Fancy Feast my way.

That’s one of the reasons I love them- they love to feed me- even if I’m not hungry! A cat could really get used to this… in fact, Sushi and I have a bet that if they keep coming over every weekday, I’ll be 16 pounds soon myself! Of course, Sushi isn’t going to stay 16 pounds…she discovered that the Biggest Critter started bringing treats with her when she comes every morning. All of a sudden, she’s really fond of them both!

And I’m pretty sure her waistline is fond of them too!

The Two Tornadoes Return

The Tiny Tornado loves me

A day of cuddles and back scratches!

The two tornadoes are back! The big one was busy visiting with the Can Opener in between schoolwork- while she was doing that, the Tiny one started petting me and scratching my back and keeping me company.

She watched some cat videos on her phone on YouTube and tried to let me watch them with her! But I’m not really into watching cat videos, because, well, I’m a cat. I’ve already seen it all!!😹 And besides, I’m cuter than any of those videos. And my human doesn’t have to embarrass me to show it.

Oh my fleas! The PURRRRRRRFECT backrub! I think I’ll keep her.
BACK OFF! SHE’S MINE!

My Caturday Plans

Happy Caturday!

Eat, Bathe, Snuggle, Sleep, Repeat


I love Caturdays! The house is quiet, the Can Openers aren’t as busy, and snuggle sessions are longer and sweeter.

I sneak a lap or two of coffee when the human walks away from her cup for a minute, and snuggle up in her lap when she sits down to enjoy it. The next thing I know, I’m groomed, and freshened and fall asleep feeling unbelievably content and loved.


I love it when the critters come- I get all the love I can handle!

But Caturdays are the very best.

Twilight gets her snuggles and eats then runs outside to find her Mama and they play and hunt together- while I keep the human company and get snuggles as she has her morning coffee and devotion. And throughout the day she plays with me and spoils me.

When I remember how lonely and unwanted I was before I came here, I can’t believe that life is finally over for me. It’s like I died and went to kitty heaven! Before I wasn’t talked to or handled (unless I was being left someplace)- and when I was left with others they didn’t interact with me because I wasn’t wanted. Sometimes I knew I was downright unwelcome. It was no fun being left in temporary places while my previous human discarded me for long trips. And it always hurt my feelings that after being gone for a long time, she was never happy to see me.

But I’m so happy now. No more long, lonely days wondering if or when I’ll see my “owner” again- and being hurt when she returned because she didn’t want to take me home. Even though I fight with Twilight sometimes (because I don’t always want to play)- I’m still so happy, because I have a family now. And they WANT ME.

I wonder how many other cats there are out there who aren’t loved and wanted? I know there have to be more – and I just wish I could give them hope that someday, somehow- they’ll have a happy family too.

Maybe someday I can find a way…

*snore*

It’s 6 AM – Oh Yay.

The Can Opener is having her morning coffee and devotion while Sushi sits on her lap cutting off her circulation, and I’m falling asleep. Then there’s the THUMP at the front door that tells us the Critters have arrived, and I bolt out the door at the speed of light.

And the day begins…

So the little critter bounds in wearing brand new PINK boots, and a brand new coat, and way too much joy for 6 am. The older critter comes sleepwalking in, still wrapped in her full sized cat blanket and heads straight for the couch.

Then Sushi decides that since she had to do all that work of walking off the human’s lap anyway, she needs to have Lily pay for it by scratching her back for the next hour. That’s when I decide that 29 degrees isn’t too bad after all for going outside. And out I go at the speed of light!

Sorry, Human. You should’ve left the door unlocked. Stay here.
Frozen grass isn’t so bad- really.
Scratch my back, kiddo.

Several hours later I come inside to see the big critter busy with school and the little critter has become a cashier since I darted out the door. I see that the Can Opener is “buying” her Angel from the critter for $13.00. Well, that’s interesting- if it’s already hers, why’s she buying it?

The Can Opener has “change,” a credit card, and several bills varying from $5.00- 25.00… and the human tells the “cashier” she’ll buy the Angel for $13.00, and proceeds to count out $13.00 to the critter.

Critter just stares at her (after punching a few musical buttons on the cash register), refuses the (play) cash she’s being offered, and holds out her hand to the Can Opener, with a look that says, “you know what I want.”

Finally the light clicks on, and the human sees that Critter is staring at the (play) credit card! So, she gives her the credit card, waits for the critter to hand it back – (she keeps it)- and then she sticks her hands out to the Can Opener again, waiting for cash!

The Can Opener says, “hey- I need my credit card back, and I already paid for it!” Critter sits and stares with a mischeivious grin, and just keeps holding her hand out and staring at the bills and change that was remaining. Just to play along, Can Opener gives her EVERYTHING- Critter takes it all, puts it in the cash drawer (with the credit card)- and keeps the angel too!

This kid will be rich in no time.

You’d think that Angel would’ve spoke up…. just sayin’.