Category Archives: The Sushi Diet Chronicles

Sushi’s Diet Chronicles

I’m exhausted after my “workout” – I worked so hard watching the Can Opener do hers- now I need a nap!

Note to Can Opener: I don’t do diets!

I know the Can Opener thinks it’s important to exercise and watch your diet. But I do ‘watch’ my diet. I watch it sit there in the bowl until I devour it!

But after that, the bowl is empty, so what the flea and I supposed to be “watching?”

Oh- maybe this is what she means about ‘watching my diet’-

Fine- I’ll leave the pickles (and mustard) off my burgers.

And I don’t get why she is always trying to make me exercise. I do exercise! Do you have any idea the amount of energy it takes to snore? It’s exhausting!

But I do exercise in other ways—when she’s not looking- (because she doesn’t like it when I do this- so I do it in the middle of the night while she’s sleeping- that way she thinks Twilight did it)…

I’ll never tell…

And this counts as exercise…

But she’ll never catch me doing it…
I’ve even tried fishing- but the fish fights back!

Honestly, I don’t know what kind of exercise she expects a slender 17.9 pound cat to do! But I have found one exercise I really love to do…

Becoming a speed bump!

Those critters need something to stop them on those noisy scooters! 😹



Sushi’s Diet Chronicles

Oops. I did it again!

The Can Opener has been really trying hard to help me trim down. But short of a pair of scissors, I don’t think it’s happening!

You see, the problem is, there’s food. And where there’s food, I’m there too… that is, as soon as I can get there. And if she opens tuna, I’m there a lot faster!

And it doesn’t help that Skinny little miss Twilight saunters by all slim and slick and makes me look like Mount Everest. I told her to quit doing that, but she never listens. And she gives me these snide looks when the Can Opener gives her treats as if to say, “I get more than you!

(Twilight)- No I don’t, Mount -Sushi! And I can’t help it if I’m “slim and slick”- That’s because I don’t lay my head in my food bowl… and besides, I hunt all day, and all night if Mom lets me stay out- but the only thing you hunt is treats!

Mom- You might want to let Twilight out now-one of these days, I’m going to slither up behind her and SQUASH her like a bug!

By the way, is that salmon I smell?


I’m giving the Can Opener a break- for tonight!

Not that she deserves it, mind you- but I want treats!

That Dang Vet told her to cut back my treats!

This is because at my last visit, I had gained weight- (because of that steroid shot they gave me last summer)- so the Can Opener doesn’t let me “free feed” anymore- now I get fed at specific times of day (on the Can Opener’s open schedule)- I’ll starve!!!!

I think I’ve already lost a few precious ounces… my paws feel smaller- I think that’s enough- besides, when she brushes me, she brushes off at least 3 pounds of my fur- and I’m sure some of that has to be Twilight’s fur that just kind of landed on me when she walked by.

So if part of my “weight” is just fur- and if most of that is Twilight’s fur that just settles on me when I’m minding my own business, sleeping in the carpet… then WHY am I on a diet?

I think she should just suck Twilight up in the vacuum and I’ll immediately lose weight. Think she’ll believe me?

Me either- But tomorrow I’m going to try to convince her. Meanwhile, I’m going to cuddle her tonight and be really, really sweet- maybe she’ll cut me some slack in the morning and load me up on treats!

After all, it’s not my fault that I’m 17 pounds of pure love!
There’s always option two….

Mornings with Sushi

I’m still waiting for my coffee human. Why are you on your third cup without serving me?

It’s all about me, human. Move it.

And please quit telling me I need to lose weight. I know what the vet said- but look at me – I’m not even 20 pounds yet! You and I both know that I exercise regularly- It’s hard exercise walking from the bedroom to the kitchen every morning, and it’s even harder to jump up on the couch for my grooming. And anyway, I’m sure I lost almost a whole pound just trying to get away from you and your nail clippers!

Besides- Look how huge Twilight looks! I think you should put HER on a diet!
Nice try, Sushi- that’s not going to happen!

Fine. I’ll just take a nap. Wake me for lunch!

The Sushi Diet Chronicles

I’m getting tired of this diet- and Twilight’s fat jokes.

This is MY bed. I’m a Queen- I need a Queen-sized bed.

I know that Twilight thinks she’s going to keep me out of this bed. But That little flea could sleep in a matchbox. I need a little more room to spread out in all my glory. Therefore, I NEED the Queen sized bed. If she tries to get on top of it- (like she plans to)- I’m going to wait for her to fall asleep, and reach up and bite her tail. Problem solved.

I mean, seriously- she’s 9 lbs. She’s the size of a hairball. Just look at her!

I could use a snack. Maybe I’ll just eat her.

Now, how do I get up on top of that desk shelf?


The Sushi Diet Chronicles

One more remark about my fat, and the mat gets shredded!

I’m getting fed up with this diet stuff.

The Can Opener is getting on my last nerve! She does her workout, and just because I come to coach her and make sure she does all the moves right, she thinks I need to work out too. I think that trainer is going to her head.

Next thing I know, she’ll be serving me salad, or tofu. And now, I hear I have a vet appointment to get my claws trimmed, and some shots. You know what that means? That means SCALES. That means I have to practice the Alligator roll and get better at it. Last time that vet wasn’t prepared for me. The human said that when the vet brought me back out to the car, she was breathless and looked like she’d been through Armageddon.

I did good.

I stretch, and sharpen my claws on the mat while she’s doing her lunges and stuff and that IS my workout. Does she praise me for it? NO. she tells me I’m making her trip over the mat. (Hey, that’s a GREAT IDEA)!

“But I DID do pushups! I’m sitting up, aren’t I?”
“Man, that was hard work. I need a snack!”

Well- I guess I may as well play- I have to get my strength up for the Alligator roll.


The Cat of My Dreams…

I’m not as young a kitty as I once was, but MEOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!

I found my soul mate last night- and I think we’ll get along beautifully!

I was napping on the laptop keyboard last night while the Can Opener was *trying* to use her computer, and something caught my eye and I haven’t been able to think of anything else since…. (except food)…

I don’t know what his name is, but this dude is my dream cat! I’m going to have to find a way to meet this handsome boy! Watch his video, and you’ll see why- not only is he HANDSOME, but he can teach me his tricks so I can defeat this ridiculous DIET the Can Opener has me on.

Or, at least learn how to steal more goodies!


*Back off, Twilight & Sheba- this one’s all MINE!*

The Sushi Diet Chronicles

Here we go again.

Sushi’s workout time has arrived. And she’s not happy.


Image by Анна Куликова from Pixabay

The Sushi Diet Chronicles

Oh, I LOVE you, yellow dangly thing!

“One Ounce at a Time…”

The Can Opener appears to remain conveniently “out of order” except for two meals a day while I waste away on dry cereal that she calls “healthy weight management” food. She has switched my treats from the fun kind to the “healthy” ones- and unless the Tiny One and the Bigger Critter are here, I only get a few of those a day. She doesn’t have a scale for me, but she says she has to help me keep losing weight. Really, I try my best to tell her I’m only actually 6 pounds- and the other 10.03 pounds is cattitude.

But she’s not buying it. Although she does say she has to wonder sometimes. Whatever that means. I sure hope the Critters are here tomorrow, because the biggest one sneaks me roast beef and sausage chunks and Cheetos too -(unless the Can Opener happens to catch her). The Tiny One “accidentally” drops part of her bacon or hot dogs into the rug for me while the Can Opener is running around in the kitchen, and if it were’nt for them, I’d swear I’d be down to 6 pounds by now.

But, at least she makes time to play with me more now. Today she even teased me into going outside with my dangly yellow thingie- and we were having a blast- that is until the creepy guy next door came out and distracted my human. Gee, thanks.

After the neighbor made me nervous, we went back inside and the human was going to put my yellow dangly thingie away, but it looked at me the wrong way, and I had to teach it a lesson- so she let me go for it a little longer and then gave me some “healthy” treats! She says they’re healthy, but they can’t be because they’re so DELICIOUS!

But, the Critters will be here tomorrow, so I’m already excited! Know why? This should explain it… Today, the Tiny One and her sister stayed home with their Mom and the Tiny One wanted to be helpful while Mommy was working so she fed Serafina.

Lucky for Serafina, she left her OWN spoon in the (open) can, and put it back under the counter where they keep the cat food.

Then the Big Critter discovered it, and took this video…..

I’m so excited the Tiny One will be here tomorrow!!!!!! I’ll get to gain back the other 10 pounds of “cattitude!” I can’t wait!


Image by GraphicMama-team from Pixabay

Sushi’s Diet Chronicles

I love this toy!

I hate being on a diet. It’s just not fair!

I have to admit I don’t like that the human has me on a diet, but in spite of my best attempt at pleading eyes, she still insists on keeping me on it. It’s downright depressing. Twilight gets to eat whenever she wants- “but Twilight’s only 8 pounds!”- or so the Human says. It’s still not fair. I mean, look at me. I’m twice her size, (and older) so I say I have seniority here. Obviously if I’m bigger, I need more food. But NO! According to the vet, I need less food, and the human is doing her best to see to it. Dangit.

But, at least one great thing comes with it….

And that is that the Can Opener schedules daily playtime with me now and makes it as much of a priority as her own workouts! She bought me a new toy, and Oh, my CATS I love it! Hey, at least she doesn’t make me do her workouts- holy catnip! Mine are a lot more fun! See for yourself!

Whew! I’m exhausted! I still hate being on a diet, but now I know I’ll get scheduled playtime every day because the human thinks its important for me.