And please quit telling me I need to lose weight. I know what the vet said- but look at me – I’m not even 20 pounds yet! You and I both know that I exercise regularly- It’s hard exercise walking from the bedroom to the kitchen every morning, and it’s even harder to jump up on the couch for my grooming. And anyway, I’m sure I lost almost a whole pound just trying to get away from you and your nail clippers!
This is MY bed. I’m a Queen- I need a Queen-sized bed.
I know that Twilight thinks she’s going to keep me out of this bed. But That little flea could sleep in a matchbox. I need a little more room to spread out in all my glory. Therefore, I NEED the Queen sized bed. If she tries to get on top of it- (like she plans to)- I’m going to wait for her to fall asleep, and reach up and bite her tail. Problem solved.
I mean, seriously- she’s 9 lbs. She’s the size of a hairball. Just look at her!
The Can Opener is getting on my last nerve! She does her workout, and just because I come to coach her and make sure she does all the moves right, she thinks I need to work out too. I think that trainer is going to her head.
Next thing I know, she’ll be serving me salad, or tofu. And now, I hear I have a vet appointment to get my claws trimmed, and some shots. You know what that means? That means SCALES. That means I have to practice the Alligator roll and get better at it. Last time that vet wasn’t prepared for me. The human said that when the vet brought me back out to the car, she was breathless and looked like she’d been through Armageddon.
I did good.
I stretch, and sharpen my claws on the mat while she’s doing her lunges and stuff and that IS my workout. Does she praise me for it? NO. she tells me I’m making her trip over the mat. (Hey, that’s a GREAT IDEA)!
Well- I guess I may as well play- I have to get my strength up for the Alligator roll.
I found my soul mate last night- and I think we’ll get along beautifully!
I was napping on the laptop keyboard last night while the Can Opener was *trying* to use her computer, and something caught my eye and I haven’t been able to think of anything else since…. (except food)…
I don’t know what his name is, but this dude is my dream cat! I’m going to have to find a way to meet this handsome boy! Watch his video, and you’ll see why- not only is he HANDSOME, but he can teach me his tricks so I can defeat this ridiculous DIET the Can Opener has me on.
Or, at least learn how to steal more goodies!
*Back off, Twilight & Sheba- this one’s all MINE!*
The Can Opener appears to remain conveniently “out of order” except for two meals a day while I waste away on dry cereal that she calls “healthy weight management” food. She has switched my treats from the fun kind to the “healthy” ones- and unless the Tiny One and the Bigger Critter are here, I only get a few of those a day. She doesn’t have a scale for me, but she says she has to help me keep losing weight. Really, I try my best to tell her I’m only actually 6 pounds- and the other 10.03 pounds is cattitude.
But she’s not buying it. Although she does say she has to wonder sometimes. Whatever that means. I sure hope the Critters are here tomorrow, because the biggest one sneaks me roast beef and sausage chunks and Cheetos too -(unless the Can Opener happens to catch her). The Tiny One “accidentally” drops part of her bacon or hot dogs into the rug for me while the Can Opener is running around in the kitchen, and if it were’nt for them, I’d swear I’d be down to 6 pounds by now.
But, at least she makes time to play with me more now. Today she even teased me into going outside with my dangly yellow thingie- and we were having a blast- that is until the creepy guy next door came out and distracted my human. Gee, thanks.
After the neighbor made me nervous, we went back inside and the human was going to put my yellow dangly thingie away, but it looked at me the wrong way, and I had to teach it a lesson- so she let me go for it a little longer and then gave me some “healthy” treats! She says they’re healthy, but they can’t be because they’re so DELICIOUS!
But, the Critters will be here tomorrow, so I’m already excited! Know why? This should explain it… Today, the Tiny One and her sister stayed home with their Mom and the Tiny One wanted to be helpful while Mommy was working so she fed Serafina.
Lucky for Serafina, she left her OWN spoon in the (open) can, and put it back under the counter where they keep the cat food.
Then the Big Critter discovered it, and took this video…..
I’m so excited the Tiny One will be here tomorrow!!!!!! I’ll get to gain back the other 10 pounds of “cattitude!” I can’t wait!
I have to admit I don’t like that the human has me on a diet, but in spite of my best attempt at pleading eyes, she still insists on keeping me on it. It’s downright depressing. Twilight gets to eat whenever she wants- “but Twilight’s only 8 pounds!”- or so the Human says. It’s still not fair. I mean, look at me. I’m twice her size, (and older) so I say I have seniority here. Obviously if I’m bigger, I need more food. But NO! According to the vet, I need less food, and the human is doing her best to see to it. Dangit.
But, at least one great thing comes with it….
And that is that the Can Opener schedules daily playtime with me now and makes it as much of a priority as her own workouts! She bought me a new toy, and Oh, my CATS I love it! Hey, at least she doesn’t make me do her workouts- holy catnip! Mine are a lot more fun! See for yourself!
Whew! I’m exhausted! I still hate being on a diet, but now I know I’ll get scheduled playtime every day because the human thinks its important for me.
Mom’s always telling us to play nice. I don’t think so!
I happen to know that when Mom buys a new toy for us, she means it for both of us. But Sushi hogs it all to herself from the moment it’s delivered and she sniffs it out.
I don’t know why, but this thing has Sushi so captivated she won’t let me play with it unless she’s asleep on the bed and she doesn’t know it. The rest of the time she guards the thing like it’s her life. She will even lay on it when she’s done playing, and then growl when the Can Opener picks it up off the floor.
And the worst part is, the Can Opener lets her get by with it because “the vet said she needs to lose weight.” *HMPF!*
And she said it’s the first toy she’s used with Sushi that actually gets her MOVING. Even the vacuum cleaner won’t make her move. Mom could roll it right over her back and she’d lay there sleeping.
But I want my turn with that toy- so I think I’ll try a trick of my own to get her moving. There’s a big dog down the street holding a sign that says “will bark for food”- I’ll swap him a can of Fancy Feast to come chase Sushi, and maybe that’ll get her moving….right out the door!
Then that toy will be all mine. And I’ll lose 16.3 pounds! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I thought today would be a typical Caturday. Mom sleeps in (way longer than Twilight and I approve of), then she has enough coffee to flood the Nile, waters the lawn and plants, then helps her sister with her garage sale or starts cleaning / baking.
What I didn’t expect was that she would surprise us with new treats, and a new toy!
Oh my FLEAS! THESE TREATS ARE LIFECHANGING!
They are available on Amazon- and check out this ingredient list!
I have only been on this diet since my last vet appointment. I can feel myself melting away to nothing. So, what’s so bad about weighing 16.3 lbs? I know a lot of humans who WISH they only weighed my weight. But they’re not on the diet- I AM. Poor innocent Sushi. It’s not fair…
The human heard me “snoring” during my nap today. Know what? I wasn’t snoring. THAT WAS MY TUMMY GROWLING! I can’t believe she actually bought me “weight management” food. When I complain that I’m getting fed less often, and getting different food, she tells me I’ll feel better when I’ve lost a few pounds. “One ounce at a time, Sushi.”
I’d love to give her “one ounce” of my claws.
Twilight knows its hard on me. And she doesn’t rat me out when I finish off her food. She just heads outside and leaves her dish for me to finish. But the trick is finding it before the human sees it and picks it up.
But at least the Can Opener is playing with me more now. I love that.