I keep seeing “help wanted” signs all over the place. Problem is, they’re all looking for humans.
And everybody knows that humans are no match for cats. Think for a minute about how much smoother things would run if cats were in charge. Humans are a persnickety bunch- and they always gripe about their jobs. That’s because they don’t go for jobs that suit their personality type and the things they’re best at. So when they work somewhere for some random stranger, they are quick to complain and try to get out of doing their job.
We cats, however, know what we like and don’t like and we don’t try for jobs that we don’t want to do. We only look for jobs we would love to do. That’s why we we’re so good at being cats.
Since we hired you as our Can Opener, human, you were trained to be our perpetually available treat dispenser and can opener. Now we hear that you’re leaving today and aren’t going to be here for our evening treats, whipped cream and tuna dispensary. Or, for our breakfast and lunch tomorrow.
WHAT THE FLEA ARE YOU THINKING?
So, you’re going to be with the Critters and their parents…again? The last time you went over there, you came back smelling like Serafina and Abby. Did you feed them while you were there? We can smell it on you, you know!
I know you make sure we’re taken care of, but here’s the deal- you’re OUR Can Opener! And besides, we miss you when you’re gone! So pardon us while we guilt trip you for leaving us here alone while you Feast and play games with your critters. Feeling guilty yet???
Mom’s always telling us to play nice. I don’t think so!
I happen to know that when Mom buys a new toy for us, she means it for both of us. But Sushi hogs it all to herself from the moment it’s delivered and she sniffs it out.
I don’t know why, but this thing has Sushi so captivated she won’t let me play with it unless she’s asleep on the bed and she doesn’t know it. The rest of the time she guards the thing like it’s her life. She will even lay on it when she’s done playing, and then growl when the Can Opener picks it up off the floor.
And the worst part is, the Can Opener lets her get by with it because “the vet said she needs to lose weight.” *HMPF!*
And she said it’s the first toy she’s used with Sushi that actually gets her MOVING. Even the vacuum cleaner won’t make her move. Mom could roll it right over her back and she’d lay there sleeping.
But I want my turn with that toy- so I think I’ll try a trick of my own to get her moving. There’s a big dog down the street holding a sign that says “will bark for food”- I’ll swap him a can of Fancy Feast to come chase Sushi, and maybe that’ll get her moving….right out the door!
Then that toy will be all mine. And I’ll lose 16.3 pounds! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I found some crazy cats that my human cracked up over. (Not that it takes much).
I figure that maybe if I point her to these dustballs, she’ll forget about making me “exercise” and leave me alone for a little bit so I can catch up on my napping schedule. I’m unbelievably behind. I’m supposed to sleep around 18 hours a day, and I’m lucky to get 3 hours a day, between the vacuum cleaner, the constant “grooming,” Twilight pouncing on me to get me to play, and the two Critters squealing and coming after me all day long.
It’s hard being so beautiful and loveable. Because it means humans can’t resist me. It’s great when it works, but when it interferes with my naps, we have a problem. So, Maybe I can use these cats as a distraction for the humans so I can finally get an uninterrupted nap.
First, the oddballs in the family.
And now, for some even crazier cats to distract the human so I can sleep!
After a stressful night of scary fireworks, we need some therapy.
Sushi and I were waiting all day for the humans to get back from their 4th of July celebration last night and her sister looked after us until they got back. But we disussed it, and neither of us gave them permission to ditch us for the day. We were not happy! They are SO grounded from snuggles!
We were safe and in the air conditioning, and they had done everything they could to make sure we’d be fine. But there were some loud fireworks here for hours while they were gone. Right when we were starting to sleep, there were loud BANGS that just didn’t stop. We didn’t know what was happening, or which way to run! So, we hid… under the bed… until they got home around midnight.
Today, she’s expecting it’s going to happen again, so she’s already found herself a new hiding spot-under the neighbor’s table she had set up for a garage sale yesterday.
We thought it would never end. But they did come home, and when they did we got spoiled royally- and The Can Opener spent a long time comforting Sushi before finally going to bed. As for me, once I saw they were home, I knew I’d be okay, and went outside to find my Mama. I never saw her though, because she’s afraid of fireworks so she won’t even come back until things are normal again. I hope Sushi doesn’t eat all the tuna by that time.
Our Human is taking over our blog for today. She has something to say that is important. She says it may cost her followers, but it has to be said and she’s tired of not speaking her mind. We’re hiding.
I’m Diana. Aka “The Can Opener.” I have watched our country and our people suffer through a pandemic for almost two years now. I’ve seen them fed a constant diet of fear and paranoia. I had started a diary about “the Pandemic” when it first started- but soon I abandoned it. Because I could not bear thinking about all the nonsense that has been happening in our country ever since any more than is absolutely unavoidable.
Normally, I’m not one to voice my opinions, unless I’m asked for it. And normally I only share my faith in my Lord when I feel it’s welcome. But times have changed. I grew up in an abusive home. I was not allowed to speak my mind freely. I learned early on that if I dared object to something I got a fist in my face from my Dad. But I’m not a terrified child anymore.
Now I’m done being quiet and keeping my opinions to myself. I’m old enough to realize that my opinion, my faith, and my values deserve the same HONOR and RESPECT that I have always given to others. And as I see our police, and (esp. today), our MILITARY being abused by many, I realize that if I don’t speak up now, I would be part of the problem. I will not be silent any more.
I don’t want to offend any of my followers and I know you may have different views. But some things are not a matter of opinion. They are a matter of giving HONOR where honor is due. They are a matter of HUMAN DECENCY. Of respecting and valuing others the way you yourselves want to be honored, and to have your opinions, and your faith respected.
It appears, that honor, respect and dignity have also been victims of the pandemic.
When did the country that loved freedom and the military that fought its battles suddenly decide that those brave men and women who fought in foreign lands (separated sometimes for months and years from their loved ones), were our enemies? It is a national disgrace that our own military and veterans have been dishonored, slandered, and their daily sacrifices and needs ignored.
A heartfelt Thank You to those who fought and died, suffered life-long trauma, loss of limbs, and the horrors of war, so that our country could be free. Thank you to your families who suffered also because of your sacrifice. You ALL deserve the honor that you paid such a high price for. God Bless and keep you all.
I thought today would be a typical Caturday. Mom sleeps in (way longer than Twilight and I approve of), then she has enough coffee to flood the Nile, waters the lawn and plants, then helps her sister with her garage sale or starts cleaning / baking.
What I didn’t expect was that she would surprise us with new treats, and a new toy!
Oh my FLEAS! THESE TREATS ARE LIFECHANGING!
They are available on Amazon- and check out this ingredient list!
The exterminator came on Wednesday, and was here for a while doing some hunting of his own.
The human discovered that a lot of other neighbors were having the same problem- the exterminator said it’s not uncommon when there’s a s stream close-by. He did all kinds of things while he was here to solve the problem.
But he forgot to take the rat away.
In fact, after he left we really thought we wouldn’t see the little dustball again. But as soon as the house got quiet, He came running out to say hello and let us know he was okay.
The human, exhausted from all the work that little Brat has caused, had finally settled down for a coffee break after discovering the wreckage that turkey had made of an outside closet that he has entered because of a huge space under the bottom of the door, that forced her to have to throw away everything that was in the closet.
The rascal has chewed his way in through the wall from that closet outside.
Sitting on the couch with Sushi on her lap afterward, and enjoying her coffee, she heard a clink in the kitchen. Her blood pressure shot up a few hundred points since hubby was asleep, and there was no one else in the house,
She moved Sushi off her lap- (which Sushi got mad about), and went into the kitchen to find the little trouble- maker.
She couldn’t see him anywhere, though- and so she reached up to turn on the light over the stove. That’s when she saw it….
The tiny little rat head and paws on the back of the stove peeking out between the delicate little kitty tea set she keeps there and her new chef coffee mug that hubby bought her. He was hanging on the back of the stove frozen and looking at her.
Well, that was a mistake!
The only thing that saved her from going ballistic, is that the exterminator warned her that “it might take two or three days”. That’s too long!
My human says if he’s not gone by the fourth, she’s going to make him pay rent.