Twilight and I have finally put it together and now we know what makes the Can Opener leave us alone (suddenly) for the whole.flipping.day twice every year. And we are grounding the Can Opener.
They call it Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas.
I think this time the excuse was “Christmas.” Twilight noticed that when the Critter’s parents’ car pops up (without the Critters)- it usually means the Can Opener is going to disappear for the day and we’re going to be stuck watching cat tv and that means I’m not going to have my warm snuggly lap or the Can Opener to feed me treats and cover me up with my blankie- and Twilight will be smashing into the tv all day trying to get mice from inside the screen until she’s dizzier and dumber than normal.
Of course, the Can Opener doesn’t ask our permission first- she just feeds us (our ‘last meal’) – then flies out the door and comes home forever later smelling like C.A.T.
NOT like me and Twilight!
Last night she got home really late- (we were almost starved to death by then- I could see the BOTTOM of my bowl)! She also came home loaded down with presents and food- but it was all the kind of stuff she says we can’t eat. Nice thing to do to two starving cats who are moments from starving to death, huh?
And this is is why….
Serafina…. the Critters’ heart stealer.
Abby- Serafina’s co-conspirator!
Our cheating human calls them her grand-kitties.
Wait- What did you say, my head still hurts from all that mouse hunting yesterday- what does she call them???
That’s right- she calls them her GRAND-KITTIES! HOW INSULTING! We’re way grander, aren’t we Twilight? Well, anyway, I am…. and here’s proof!
I looked in her phone when she fell asleep last night and saw THIS! Serafina- (and the biggest Critter). Serafina was in full on STEAL HEARTS mode! Outrageous!And these two were helping Serafina and Abby steal hearts! No wonder Mom got home so late!The tiniest Critter made her stay for dinner (pasta she made with her Play Doh pasta maker).
No wonder Mom said we can’t eat what she brought home. She can’t either.
Okay, Sushi- give it a rest for now. I’m still recovering from all those head slams at the tv.
Hey, Can Opener. You need to find another weatherman. I don’t like this one’s reports.
The Rain is here again. Time to get creative.
Once again it’s raining constantly. As if that wasn’t enough, its also freezing cold. There goes my hunting plans. I’m convinced that the rats and mice in the neighborhood have orchestrated this debacle just to torment me, only I can’t figure out quite how they managed it.
But boy, when I do figure it out- they’re going to pay!
Meanwhile, I have to find less appetizing ways to entertain myself until the rain stops and the sun comes out again. I can only play so many tricks on Sushi- (she’s got no sense of humor)- and the Can Opener only plays with me for a few minutes at a time before she darts off to do something else, so I’m connecting with some of the neighborhood cats to get some fresh ideas.
Hey- This idea promises to be fun!
Maybe I’ll just start hunting for Bigfoot-
Well, What do you know! I found him!
Well, that was short-lived. Now what am I going to do?
The Can Opener started this earlier today- but then she went to work, and after that, Sushi got her sidetracked- Thanks, Mount Sushi.
It’s been a while- (it’s Sushi’s fault).
We’ve been busy keeping the rodent population down- (well, I have… Sushi only works on keeping those pesky blankets down). The Can Opener has a lot going on, and we’ve been telling her to get on the ball and post for us- but she’s as stubborn as ever and we can’t always get her to listen to her overlords (us) as well as she should. We are discussing disciplinary options now, but really, what can we do?
We threaten to with-hold treats from her, but she’s the one who buys everything so that doesn’t always work out. The closest we can come to with-holding her treats, is to stick our paws in her ice cream before she can dive in. But that lady is faster than lightening when it comes to ice cream.
Still, we’re working on getting this lady under control- but for now, she’s falling asleep and we haven’t had our nightly grooming and snuggles yet- so we’re going to make her give us attention now, and we’ll let her have her computer back in the morning. (Maybe)…
You know, you humans think we cats don’t have problems. But we do!
I’ve heard humans say we cats have it made-
And they’re right- usually. That is if we are living with properly trained Can Openers. Otherwise, well- not so much.
For example… My friend Frisky who lives a few blocks away can never get his humans to get out of bed and feed him on time. So sometimes he has to get a little “creative…”
Then, next door to Frisky is Princeton – his humans are obsessed with persnickity produce that just dares him to do anything about it.
And just down the street a little further, there’s Lizzy– Whose Can Opener thinks it’s still the Elizabethan age.
And (almost) worst of all- poor Twinkie just found out she’s ADOPTED!
So the next time you see a ‘stray’ cat trying to move in with you, have a heart, will ya’? You never know what problems are driving them away from home!
A couple of mornings ago, The Can Opener sat down in the living room rug to play with Twilight – (Twilight loves to hide under big pieces of paper and attack the toys the human teases her with)- and when she was done playing, she went outside while the Can Opener made a fresh cup of coffee, then sat down and put me on her lap to brush me.
It was heavenly. I was purring as she brushed me, talked to me and rubbed my ears – then I smelled something that alerted me (and the human) that something wasn’t right- we both looked up and there was THAT!
A strange cat had just cruised right in the backdoor and helped himself to Twilight’s paper roll and started making himself right at home!
Hey- word on the street is, You’ve got great cat food here. How about a sample? And thanks for the toys!
I think I scared Mom when I reacted to him, because I made my hot displeasure known- not only because an intruder had invaded my castle, but because on account of that THING, Mom picked me up and moved me off her lap to go deal with him! NOT FAIR.
He looked at me as if to say, “deal with it, sweetheart- I’m not going anywhere.”
Mom went to him to chase him out of the house, and noticed he didn’t have a collar on- and he came right to her immediately, plopped down at her feet and rolled over, wanting to be petted. She realized then, that this was clearly not a feral cat- they will always run away and definitely don’t want to be handled by a stranger.
He also is very healthy- but, she noticed a wound under his “armpit”- a small wound, but it was definitely open. As if someone (or something) had sliced him – (about a 1/2 inch long). He also was covered with burs (meaning he most likely had been hanging out on the bikepath / stream behind our house). He was starving – and it was really hot outside (100 degrees). He seemed relieved to find a cool spot and a dish of cool water.
She said she knows the neighbors and their pets around here – but he doesn’t belong to any of them – but a lot of people have moved out (or been evicted)- recently – and since he doesn’t behave like a feral cat, and is begging for love (as well as food) everytime he comes around, she says she thinks someone moved out and left him behind.
So being that she saw a wound on him and that he was covered with burs all over the place, she put a blanket in the carpet and got the kitty kit out, and decided to try and clean his wound and remove the burs and see if she could help him. Thanks a lot, Mom. Wait til I tell Twilight!
He actually seemed to welcome the attention-Burrs removed, (with only growling, no resistance)- Neosporin applied, burshed, ears and eyes cleaned, and even allowed Advantage to be applied!ShA
After all she did to take care of him she started looking to find an owner- no one seems to know anything about him. But he won’t stay away. When she put him outside after tending to his needs, he growled- and turned around before she could shut the door and came back in! He refuses to leave!
And (of course) the Critters (and everyone else) love him.
So the Can Opener is planning to take him to the vet as soon as she can to get him checked and see if he has a chip so If he’s lost, he can be returned to his owners. And if not, she wants to get him fixed – (but he doesn’t look broken to us). Our fear is that after all that, she may find out he’s not chipped and keep him! But, the Critters’ parents just may adopt him- because he’s “SOOOOOO CUTE AND LOVEABLE!- AND, He’s a Russian Blue!”
Oh yay.
Until then, it looks like we’re stuck with “Mr. Smokey!” *tail flap*
Last night when we wanted her to type for us she said she couldn’t. Why? Because Dad is sick. Thanks, Mom.
What does that have to do with typing for us?
So our human dad has been sick since Wednesday, and our human has been busy trying to keep his fever down, and keep him comfortable. We don’t have a problem with that, because that’s just what she does. But she normally takes dictation for us too, and last night, she said she just couldn’t take the time.
What?? But THAT’S WHY WE KEEP YOU AROUND, HUMAN! Well, that and feeding us, dispensing treats, and of course, cleaning the litterbox, grooming us, delivering pets and cuddles on demand, let’s not forget providing flea treatment, and playtime on demand.
We are tempted to fire her, but that wouldn’t do any good because she’d never leave. And the backup human is still feeling lousy, so he wouldn’t even notice us. Great.
Meanwhile, psycho Twilight continues to plague me by coming over when I’m sleeping (I’m not even getting my usual 20 hours now)- and grooming me sweetly, then POUNCING on me trying to make me play!!
See? How rude. Anybody wanna buy a psychotic lynx point siamese?
How to Train your Humans 