It started out good today- the Can Opener had a busy morning and after getting home from work, she fed me. Then she gave me love and saw that I knew she was about to get on the computer and I wanted to be on the desk on my fat pillow next to her, so she put me up there.
Then she went in the kitchen, washed her hands, and I climbed up on my pillow, got all comfy, and went right to sleep. A little bit later, I woke up to a heavenly aroma and saw the Can Opener walking back into the kitchen- and right in front of me was a delicious roast beef and ham sandwich she had made just for me!
So I did what any cat in her right mind would do- I dove into it! I certainly didn’t want her think I was ungrateful-
I was wondering though, why she would put that funny green stuff and that brown funny- smelling stuff she calls ‘mustard’ on my sandwich- but nobody’s perfect, right? I was just glad she didn’t put the red pepper on it (this time).
Then suddenly she comes back to her desk with a PICKLE in her hand- did she really expect I’d eat that thing?
Then all of a sudden she noticed how much I was enjoying her sandwich, and she said “Sushi! NO!!”
And all of a sudden she jerked up the sandwich and cleaned up the mustard and green stuff off her desk, and there went my great sandwich -(well, the ham and the other stuff anyway- I’d already eaten the roast beef) – except for 2 pieces that she pried out from under my paws and threw away! How rude can you get?
Now she’s going to be watching me like a paranoid hawk again because I’m on a diet– But she gave it to me! And anyway, I’m not the only kitty that “steals” food!
These guys do it too!
And I thought she was just being super sweet today….HMPH! 😿
I smell bananas and spinach- and it had better be for Sushi.
I think the Can Opener’s obsession with fruits and vegetables has gone a little too far. Of course, some cats (like the psycho cat next door- Sheba-) actually like some of this weird stuff. She even goes crazy when her human has watermelon until she gets some of it.
So, if you’re one of those cats that like people food- you’ll love this. But if not- just remember, this wasn’t my idea- the Can Opener did it!
Mom, why is it I’m on a diet, but not Twilight? Look what she did to my box! She slept in it and flattened the whole side of it! And left her fur all over my favorite green blankie.
Now when I want to go hide under my bed, I have half a box left! Now I’m going to go flatten her box, and leave my fur on her favorite blankie- but you need to order me a new box, okay? And how about washing my blankie, so I don’t get her fur all over me…I don’t want Smokey making fun of me about this- It’ll ruin my reputation.
And hurry up, with that new box order, okay? She’ll come flying in any minute now and try to take it over again unless you distract her with treats. By the way- where are those treats? I want to get my share before the little flea sucks them all up on her way to my box.
The Can Opener has been really trying hard to help me trim down. But short of a pair of scissors, I don’t think it’s happening!
You see, the problem is, there’s food. And where there’s food, I’m there too… that is, as soon as I can get there. And if she opens tuna, I’m there a lot faster!
And it doesn’t help that Skinny little miss Twilight saunters by all slim and slick and makes me look like Mount Everest. I told her to quit doing that, but she never listens. And she gives me these snide looks when the Can Opener gives her treats as if to say, “I get more than you!”
(Twilight)- No I don’t, Mount -Sushi! And I can’t help it if I’m “slim and slick”- That’s because I don’t lay my head in my food bowl… and besides, I hunt all day, and all night if Mom lets me stay out- but the only thing you hunt is treats!
Mom- You might want to let Twilight out now-one of these days, I’m going to slither up behind her and SQUASH her like a bug!
And I remembered the Vet wanted me on a diet. I thought I was on a diet. A very nice one, actually- food on demand (MY demand). Treats several times a day just because I’m cute. And because the critters come over and beg to feed me treats -(they’re my secret agents). The diet I was on was very satisfying. High protein dry food with all the good stuff- a variety of very expensive tiny cans of deliciousness- and a few hundred treats a day.
I didn’t see anything wrong with it. So imagine my surprise this morning when I didn’t get the usual amount of food in my dish, and I wasn’t offered my morning appetizer of treats… I looked at the human for clues- and she reminded me the vet said I had to go on a diet.
I kept trying to reason with her, but she had made up her mind. So I gave her a stern warning, and we’ll see tomorrow if she gets to keep her job.
More tomorrow. For now, it’s not looking good for her.