Tag Archives: grief

She’s taking over again…

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Remember what your grief counselor told you, Mom.

Mom has some things to say-

Last Monday the internet went out (heavy rain & winds). Tuesday I was hit with the worst migraine I’ve ever had – (and I don’t get them often). It started with sudden visual disturbances while I was helping my sister with some things- and within an hour it felt like my head was in a nut cracker. This went on until Saturday night – accompanied by a stiff neck (which still hurts).

Saturday also marked one year since my husband passed, and when I woke up I was flooded with all the memories and feelings that accompanied the events.

Wednesday, Jan.18 (continued from previous writing)…

The kids had decided we’d all get together and call it “Dad plaid day” – we would all wear plaid shirts in his honor since he loved wearing them- and then spend the day together having fun and doing “dad” things, then go to his favorite restaurant before heading home to play games and do manicures with the little ones.

That part I was excited about- (although I’ve never had a plaid shirt in my entire life and would have to get one).

We also collectively decided that from this time forward, we would no longer remember and refer to January 14 as the day of his death, but as his “first birthday in Heaven.”

But when I woke up that morning I found myself sitting on the bed thinking how unreal it was that it had been a year- yet it still felt like it was only yesterday. As I opened the curtains and looked out the bedroom window, I remembered again the sight of the funeral directors taking him away for the last time and I felt the wave of sorrow hovering again. But immediately I began to feel something else that overshadowed it. A gentle, comforting nudge from the Lord reminding me of His Presence – and this scripture;

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NLT

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so that you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from Heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words.“

With this I was asked to give my grief to him- and receive the joy of the Lord in its place- (Nehemiah 8:10). I realized then that I was going to be able to go forward that day and enjoy the day with my kids by leaving behind the shadows of death – and rejoicing that I am alive – and I am not alone- or abandoned!

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I also am mindful that I am not the only one grieving a loss of a spouse- or child (God forbid), or other loved one. So many are in this place of sorrow as well- and for me a year has now passed – and yet the pain, sorrow, and effects of grief still try to hang on. For others it is more recent- but I’m sharing these things with you all to let you know that whatever it is you’re facing- there is someone who understands what you’re feeling -(even when you can’t express it)- and there is light to be found- even in this darkness. You are not alone.💚

Come unto Me, you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

– Matthew 11:28 –

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Merry Christmas!

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Twilight helping me wrap gifts

Update From the Can Opener

The last time I posted, I had hardly published what I had written when my sister called again, crying, and saying -“it’s happening again!” I dropped everything and went to her house immediately, and this time I knew it wasn’t going to just pass on its own.

I had been taking care of her when these things happened, but this time I could see how hard her heart was pounding from the front door. I pulled up the heart monitor on her Apple watch and knew we needed to call 9-1-1.

Within minutes this was confirmed as EMTs loaded her into the ambulance and whisked her off to the hospital. I plunged into action, to take care of the mess left behind in the house, and to take care of Sheba and Smokey until she got home from the hospital.

That didn’t happen until a week later, and things looked scary. The doctors had said she’d had a massive heart attack and had got there just in time.

It has always hurt me to see how painful and afraid she was, so I spent a lot of time praying for her healing and safe return. I’m so relieved that now, over a month later, she is doing better than she was before those sudden attacks started happening. It turns out those “attacks” weren’t from a pinched nerve, or stress and anxiety- they were mini heart attacks!

Because of being sent back and forth and languishing so long in the ER waiting for care the first two times she went, she had decided she wasn’t going to bother going to ER again. She was just going to ‘wait them out.’

Every time she’d had an attack, I’d known this was a possibility- but the doctors were saying otherwise, and she is not able to just sit in a chair in a waiting room for over 8 hours (to only end up going home in tears from pain with no diagnosis). Every time this happened I would ask the Lord to give me wisdom for each situation and to protect and preserve her until she got a correct diagnosis. I’m so thankful He did.

While she was in the hospital, I was looking after her house and taking care of Sheba and Smokey, and the realization hit me that this Christmas was going to be my first since my husband passed and that I could have very easily lost my sister and best friend if she had decided to ‘wait out’ this attack also.

With also watching my grand-daughters, helping them with school, and the usual responsibilities, my blog had to fall by the wayside because I simply felt too overwhelmed with everything else. There were times I sat down at the computer to begin a post, but my brain refused to co-operate. I simply couldn’t think of where to start- being so preoccupied with everything else that my mind just got stuck.

It took me weeks to realize when I finally went to the Lord and asked Him “What’s wrong with me!?” and He showed me, that I hadn’t been taking care of my own needs. Still grieving the sudden loss of my husband last January, it occurred to me that I had neglected calling my grief counselor, I hadn’t gone to church (because of the pain of the IT band issue)- I hadn’t been getting enough sleep, I hadn’t taken time for the things that I enjoy because I felt I couldn’t afford to take the time, and I had neglected my normal workouts for the same reason (which didn’t help my IT band issue).

Without realizing it I was experiencing a sort of “Brain fog” that happens sometimes in grief. I learned this by emailing my grief counselor who informed me of ways that grief changes your brain. Thank God these changes are reversible.

This Christmas and all the activities surrounding the festivities became a lot easier for me once I realized after praying what was happening to me.

I’ve learned to give the grief and the things it brings with it to the Lord and to take the time I need to heal. He tenderly and beautifully healed and protected my sister who is now doing better than ever before and is doing all she can to protect her health- He also beautifully and tenderly keeps and guides me and I’m grateful for all He’s done. Instead of focusing on who has been lost, This Christmas is about all that has been saved.

Merry Christmas Everyone! Twilight and Sushi will be back tomorrow!

Good Grief!

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Actually, there’s nothing good about grief…

Too many people are burdened by anxiety, stress, and grief- and cats are the cure.

Our Can Opener has had her paws full lately. And everywhere we look we hear bad reports and see a lot of anxious or grieving people. The Can Opener herself is still grieving- and so is her sister. But they know of several things that really help- (we’ll talk about those later)- but guess what? We cats are great therapists!

From the beginning time, humans have seen that their cats make them smile, bring them warmth and comfort, and give them a reason to get up in the morning. That’s because if they don’t get up in the morning, their cats will eat their donuts before they can have a chance to.

But besides serving as your faithful alarm clocks (to remind you of our 3 am feeding schedule), and helping you avoid those un-necessary calories in those donuts that you always regret eating later, cats are great for your mental health in a ton of other ways.

Grab your coffee and get ready to learn!

We help you stay on the Light Side. And help you learn what cookies are worth our your time.
We give you ideas for reining in those two-legged noise machines when you’re driving.
We’re great at keeping secrets.
We help you control those unruly pets.
And we’re always willing to sample your cooking- even when it’s a little “RARE.”
We keep your melons from rolling off the counter while you’re putting the groceries away. You’re welcome.
And we remind you to recycle those big boxes that you keep tripping over. This one’s MINE.

Memorial Day –

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Image by Anita S. from Pixabay

This is a hard post to write.

Happy Memorial Day? Somehow that doesn’t quite sound right to say. Unless “Memorial Day” is to you just a reason to get together with friends and have a barbeque.

The purpose of Memorial Day is to remember and honor those who have lost their lives in the service of our country. We who are alive and have never been in a position of defending our country no matter the cost, have a hard time grasping the full impact of what it takes to do that. Not only for the soldier who dies- but for their families. The children left behind. The spouses left to pick up the pieces and go on living and raising their children and functioning like they did before.

My heart is heavy writing this. I lost my husband in January- not because he was fighting for our country- but because he was fighting for his own life thanks to colon cancer.

When I got on my computer this morning and was confronted with “Memorial Day,” it brought back a wave of pain triggered by the word, “memorial.”

I’ve kept myself so busy trying to just keep functioning since losing my husband. But as I thought on all this today, I thought of how much worse the grief is of losing a spouse, or father or other family member in battle- When I lost my husband, I knew what he was experiencing, because I was with him daily- I saw his pain and hopelessness.

But when a person loses someone in the defense of our country- or on foreign soil, they don’t usually have the comfort of knowing that person wasn’t dying alone. They don’t get the chance to say goodbye. They are tormented by the unknown things- and they have little advance warning.

Even if you have not personally known anyone who has lost their life in this manner or is in a situation where they could- Please take a few minutes today to consider them- and pray for our soldiers wherever they may be, because they give up everything to protect us and our freedoms.

Don’t let their sacrifice be in vain.

– “The Can Opener”

http://Photo by Kevin McCartney: https://www.pexels.com/photo/low-angle-photography-of-american-flag-774316/

Life and Memorial

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Image by anncapictures from Pixabay

Still So Surreal

Every relationship we enter knowing that one day for whatever reason, it will end. But that doesn’t make it any easier to get through when it does. And when it ends because of a sudden diagnosis of stage 4 cancer, the memories of all your loved one endured are relentlessly painful. And they hit you at the most inopportune times, and sometimes for no apparent “reason” at all.

Like when you’re going into your closet to pick an outfit for something, and you see something your husband loved to see you wear. Or you want to get a haircut, and automatically try to choose one he would like- or you go grocery shopping, and without realizing it, fill your cart with things he loved that you can’t eat – then you suddenly realize that you no longer need to concern yourself with those preferences.

The emptiness that suddenly hits you is indescribable. And you think to yourself, it’s only been 2 months and two days. How can I handle this for the next few months- or years?

You try to go on with life as it was before, because you have to. But everything has changed. Now there’s no one (except the cats) waiting for you when you get home- and no one to watch a movie with or share a cup of coffee with. Loud or sudden noises become extremely annoying, silence isn’t the comfort it once was, you realize you have to become very purposeful in order to do the things you know you need to do to take care of yourself.

This is where grief counseling helps so much. Seeing the impact that the loss of your husband has had on your family, you realize that you don’t want them to suffer another loss if you can help it. Exercise becomes a priority – (even though it’s the last thing you feel like thinking about)- Avoiding junk food and eating right is even more important because what you eat (especially when grieving) will definitely not only affect your health, but your mood as well.

Being with friends and family become critical – especially if you are blessed with a family like mine, where love and respect are most important. My heart goes out to those suffering the loss of a loved one without that critical support. How do they manage to face each new day?

This is what it’s like. But at some point, you have to make a decision. You can allow yourself to be overcome with sorrow and grieve to death- or you can choose to live with new purpose.

It’s not easy- but by the Holy Spirit you can receive strength for each new day, comfort in your sorrows, and a new life of purpose.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭61:1-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.61.1-3.NIV

Peace is possible- even in mourning.

Trust