Tag Archives: loss

She’s taking over again…

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Remember what your grief counselor told you, Mom.

Mom has some things to say-

Last Monday the internet went out (heavy rain & winds). Tuesday I was hit with the worst migraine I’ve ever had – (and I don’t get them often). It started with sudden visual disturbances while I was helping my sister with some things- and within an hour it felt like my head was in a nut cracker. This went on until Saturday night – accompanied by a stiff neck (which still hurts).

Saturday also marked one year since my husband passed, and when I woke up I was flooded with all the memories and feelings that accompanied the events.

Wednesday, Jan.18 (continued from previous writing)…

The kids had decided we’d all get together and call it “Dad plaid day” – we would all wear plaid shirts in his honor since he loved wearing them- and then spend the day together having fun and doing “dad” things, then go to his favorite restaurant before heading home to play games and do manicures with the little ones.

That part I was excited about- (although I’ve never had a plaid shirt in my entire life and would have to get one).

We also collectively decided that from this time forward, we would no longer remember and refer to January 14 as the day of his death, but as his “first birthday in Heaven.”

But when I woke up that morning I found myself sitting on the bed thinking how unreal it was that it had been a year- yet it still felt like it was only yesterday. As I opened the curtains and looked out the bedroom window, I remembered again the sight of the funeral directors taking him away for the last time and I felt the wave of sorrow hovering again. But immediately I began to feel something else that overshadowed it. A gentle, comforting nudge from the Lord reminding me of His Presence – and this scripture;

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NLT

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so that you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from Heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words.“

With this I was asked to give my grief to him- and receive the joy of the Lord in its place- (Nehemiah 8:10). I realized then that I was going to be able to go forward that day and enjoy the day with my kids by leaving behind the shadows of death – and rejoicing that I am alive – and I am not alone- or abandoned!

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I also am mindful that I am not the only one grieving a loss of a spouse- or child (God forbid), or other loved one. So many are in this place of sorrow as well- and for me a year has now passed – and yet the pain, sorrow, and effects of grief still try to hang on. For others it is more recent- but I’m sharing these things with you all to let you know that whatever it is you’re facing- there is someone who understands what you’re feeling -(even when you can’t express it)- and there is light to be found- even in this darkness. You are not alone.💚

Come unto Me, you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

– Matthew 11:28 –

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Cat Memories

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Oh- I remember you. You’re the cat trying to steal my Can Opener’s heart. Too late. It already belongs to me and Sushi.

Do you ever wonder what or who your cat remembers? Do we forget things?

I can tell you that Sushi and I remember very clearly that the Can Opener left us on Thanksgiving last year because the critters’ parents needed a cat sitter for our cousins Serafina and Abby. I can also remember that we were afraid she might forget us- but she came home just like she had said she would! And I remember how extremely happy we were to see that she didn’t forget us- and we both remember how much she spoiled us when she came back.

And in case you’re wondering, yes, I remember how the new year started for our Can Opener and her family. I remember seeing our Back-up Can Opener sicker than I’d ever seen him before, and suddenly the Can Opener was going to the hospital every day, and then they both came back (in an ambulance). Soon the couch was disposed of, and a hospital bed took its place in the living room. Then strangers – (nurses, chaplains, social workers) were stopping in and calling every day. And someone called “our Pastors” stopped by.

I remember it was Christmas time- and the heavy snowfall that my Can Openers and the Critters longed for finally came- but they weren’t able to enjoy it. The Can Opener was running back and forth all night long (every hour) – to take care of “hubby”- and give him morphine to help the pain. I was on top of the desk watching over him- and Sushi and I knew something had changed.

Then about 10 days after coming home from the hospital, he coughed three times- and never inhaled again.

Sushi and I would’ve cried- but we’re cats and we don’t know how. But we both knew we wouldn’t see him again. And we watched as they took him away, and everything changed.

Yes, we cats have great memories. And I remember it took a long time for our Can Opener to “recover”- if that ever really happens. But most of all we remember that she took extra special care of us after that because she knew that we were affected by it. And it gave her strength to comfort and cuddle us.

We still remember the Back-up Can Opener too. We are just thankful our Mom is still here with us and that she’s smiling again and starting to enjoy life again. Most of all, she never stopped spoiling us rotten.

How good do you think your cats’ memory is?

Morning Coffee with Twilight

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The coffee is a little weak this morning, Mom. In fact, it looks just
like water… How about some expresso?

My Human has had a hard week. Good thing I’m here.

No, Human. I mean MY OWN cup!!

Every time my Can Opener seems like she’s able to move on from the loss of the Backup Can Opener in January, something always seems to happen to stir it all up again. Sushi and I have our paws full comforting her and trying to remind her to sing praise, (it lifts her above grief, sorrow and depression every time- if she just remembers to do it)! She never had to be reminded before. But now every day events bring back waves. We help her get through it.

Image by J F from Pixabay

We’re always hearing her sing praise and give thanks to the Lord for all He’s done for her and for the ways he has sustained and preserved her. Especially since the loss. But lately a couple of things have happened in the neighborhood that has never happened here before in the 15+ years we have lived here. One of those things was an act of violence against a woman down the street (who was attacked by her live-in- whoever). She was only walking to her car – the assailant followed her cursing and slammed her to the ground- she did absolutely nothing but try to get away. He tried to prevent her from getting into her car to leave- but she kept trying and she got in and locked the doors.

Then he went to the passenger side and tried to open it – (the Human and her sister and others saw it on the first warm, sunny day we had, when they were discussing plans for their gardens). They called the police right away- others just looked away.

Meanwhile, the assailant hung onto the car as the woman tried to drive away and he hung on for the longest time until she was able to go fast enough (without hurting him) to pull away and leave. He had thrown glass bottles at her as she was leaving, and other things- the neighbor closest to him who lives alone, watched it and did nothing but wait until the man went back in his house and then he cleaned up all the broken glass in the street and on the lawn.

The police came- but by the time the officer got here, the woman was gone and so was the assailant. That upset everyone in the neighborhood- but our Can Opener especially was grieved – she knows these things happen. But never has she seen it so close to her house. It left her (and her sister and others in the neighborhood) feeling vulnerable and almost as though they themselves had been assaulted.

This has always been a peaceful neighborhood where everyone watched after each other. Seeing this just added to the waves of (normal) grief that our human has been dealing with since January. It also showed her the need to pray for her neighbors. And to pray for the police officers and first responders who literally lay their lives on the line every time they show up for work.

For about 3 days our human couldn’t concentrate enough to help us post. But she has resumed singing praise when anxiety and depression rears its ugly head to threaten her peace, and every time it lifts her above all the chaos in the world and brings comfort, peace, and even joy in the middle of it all.

Jesus Himself is her peace. And He makes her know she’s not really alone- or vulnerable

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled. Neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27 ESV

Life and Memorial

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Image by anncapictures from Pixabay

Still So Surreal

Every relationship we enter knowing that one day for whatever reason, it will end. But that doesn’t make it any easier to get through when it does. And when it ends because of a sudden diagnosis of stage 4 cancer, the memories of all your loved one endured are relentlessly painful. And they hit you at the most inopportune times, and sometimes for no apparent “reason” at all.

Like when you’re going into your closet to pick an outfit for something, and you see something your husband loved to see you wear. Or you want to get a haircut, and automatically try to choose one he would like- or you go grocery shopping, and without realizing it, fill your cart with things he loved that you can’t eat – then you suddenly realize that you no longer need to concern yourself with those preferences.

The emptiness that suddenly hits you is indescribable. And you think to yourself, it’s only been 2 months and two days. How can I handle this for the next few months- or years?

You try to go on with life as it was before, because you have to. But everything has changed. Now there’s no one (except the cats) waiting for you when you get home- and no one to watch a movie with or share a cup of coffee with. Loud or sudden noises become extremely annoying, silence isn’t the comfort it once was, you realize you have to become very purposeful in order to do the things you know you need to do to take care of yourself.

This is where grief counseling helps so much. Seeing the impact that the loss of your husband has had on your family, you realize that you don’t want them to suffer another loss if you can help it. Exercise becomes a priority – (even though it’s the last thing you feel like thinking about)- Avoiding junk food and eating right is even more important because what you eat (especially when grieving) will definitely not only affect your health, but your mood as well.

Being with friends and family become critical – especially if you are blessed with a family like mine, where love and respect are most important. My heart goes out to those suffering the loss of a loved one without that critical support. How do they manage to face each new day?

This is what it’s like. But at some point, you have to make a decision. You can allow yourself to be overcome with sorrow and grieve to death- or you can choose to live with new purpose.

It’s not easy- but by the Holy Spirit you can receive strength for each new day, comfort in your sorrows, and a new life of purpose.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭61:1-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.61.1-3.NIV

Peace is possible- even in mourning.

Trust