Tag Archives: mourning

She’s taking over again…

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Remember what your grief counselor told you, Mom.

Mom has some things to say-

Last Monday the internet went out (heavy rain & winds). Tuesday I was hit with the worst migraine I’ve ever had – (and I don’t get them often). It started with sudden visual disturbances while I was helping my sister with some things- and within an hour it felt like my head was in a nut cracker. This went on until Saturday night – accompanied by a stiff neck (which still hurts).

Saturday also marked one year since my husband passed, and when I woke up I was flooded with all the memories and feelings that accompanied the events.

Wednesday, Jan.18 (continued from previous writing)…

The kids had decided we’d all get together and call it “Dad plaid day” – we would all wear plaid shirts in his honor since he loved wearing them- and then spend the day together having fun and doing “dad” things, then go to his favorite restaurant before heading home to play games and do manicures with the little ones.

That part I was excited about- (although I’ve never had a plaid shirt in my entire life and would have to get one).

We also collectively decided that from this time forward, we would no longer remember and refer to January 14 as the day of his death, but as his “first birthday in Heaven.”

But when I woke up that morning I found myself sitting on the bed thinking how unreal it was that it had been a year- yet it still felt like it was only yesterday. As I opened the curtains and looked out the bedroom window, I remembered again the sight of the funeral directors taking him away for the last time and I felt the wave of sorrow hovering again. But immediately I began to feel something else that overshadowed it. A gentle, comforting nudge from the Lord reminding me of His Presence – and this scripture;

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NLT

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so that you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from Heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words.“

With this I was asked to give my grief to him- and receive the joy of the Lord in its place- (Nehemiah 8:10). I realized then that I was going to be able to go forward that day and enjoy the day with my kids by leaving behind the shadows of death – and rejoicing that I am alive – and I am not alone- or abandoned!

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I also am mindful that I am not the only one grieving a loss of a spouse- or child (God forbid), or other loved one. So many are in this place of sorrow as well- and for me a year has now passed – and yet the pain, sorrow, and effects of grief still try to hang on. For others it is more recent- but I’m sharing these things with you all to let you know that whatever it is you’re facing- there is someone who understands what you’re feeling -(even when you can’t express it)- and there is light to be found- even in this darkness. You are not alone.💚

Come unto Me, you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

– Matthew 11:28 –

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Morning Coffee with Twilight

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The coffee is a little weak this morning, Mom. In fact, it looks just
like water… How about some expresso?

My Human has had a hard week. Good thing I’m here.

No, Human. I mean MY OWN cup!!

Every time my Can Opener seems like she’s able to move on from the loss of the Backup Can Opener in January, something always seems to happen to stir it all up again. Sushi and I have our paws full comforting her and trying to remind her to sing praise, (it lifts her above grief, sorrow and depression every time- if she just remembers to do it)! She never had to be reminded before. But now every day events bring back waves. We help her get through it.

Image by J F from Pixabay

We’re always hearing her sing praise and give thanks to the Lord for all He’s done for her and for the ways he has sustained and preserved her. Especially since the loss. But lately a couple of things have happened in the neighborhood that has never happened here before in the 15+ years we have lived here. One of those things was an act of violence against a woman down the street (who was attacked by her live-in- whoever). She was only walking to her car – the assailant followed her cursing and slammed her to the ground- she did absolutely nothing but try to get away. He tried to prevent her from getting into her car to leave- but she kept trying and she got in and locked the doors.

Then he went to the passenger side and tried to open it – (the Human and her sister and others saw it on the first warm, sunny day we had, when they were discussing plans for their gardens). They called the police right away- others just looked away.

Meanwhile, the assailant hung onto the car as the woman tried to drive away and he hung on for the longest time until she was able to go fast enough (without hurting him) to pull away and leave. He had thrown glass bottles at her as she was leaving, and other things- the neighbor closest to him who lives alone, watched it and did nothing but wait until the man went back in his house and then he cleaned up all the broken glass in the street and on the lawn.

The police came- but by the time the officer got here, the woman was gone and so was the assailant. That upset everyone in the neighborhood- but our Can Opener especially was grieved – she knows these things happen. But never has she seen it so close to her house. It left her (and her sister and others in the neighborhood) feeling vulnerable and almost as though they themselves had been assaulted.

This has always been a peaceful neighborhood where everyone watched after each other. Seeing this just added to the waves of (normal) grief that our human has been dealing with since January. It also showed her the need to pray for her neighbors. And to pray for the police officers and first responders who literally lay their lives on the line every time they show up for work.

For about 3 days our human couldn’t concentrate enough to help us post. But she has resumed singing praise when anxiety and depression rears its ugly head to threaten her peace, and every time it lifts her above all the chaos in the world and brings comfort, peace, and even joy in the middle of it all.

Jesus Himself is her peace. And He makes her know she’s not really alone- or vulnerable

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled. Neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27 ESV