With everyone being so happy about the New Year, I thought I’d wake up today to sunshine and rainbows and flying unicorns and fresh fish hanging from every tree, while mice played tag with me and big, fat, juicy ducks walked up to say hello.
But today there was not a single unicorn in sight, no mice came out to play tag, and (biggest shock of all) – no fresh fish dangled from the trees for me to feast on. Sushi still got grumpy when I tried to play with her, my ping pong balls all rolled behind things I can’t get to, my favorite springy toys and mouse got stuck under the washer, then it started pouring rain and I got soaked when I went outside.
Hey Human, can you move the washer for me? My favorite mouse is under there!
I came inside all wet and cold and found the Can Opener reading on the couch and sipping coffee while the whale (Sushi) purred contentedly on her lap and gave me the evil eye to warn me away from trying to take her place.
Beat it, flea.
But the Can Opener didn’t want me to get sick, so she ditched Sushi and got up to dry me and gave me food and treats – (and Sushi didn’t like that- MWAHAHAHAHA)!
So it wasn’t all bad, because once the Can Opener got the whale off her lap and the circulation back in her legs, she played with me and it was all about me for the rest of the day!
Maybe that refund can wait a little longer. I’m still waiting for the refund on 2020!
Well, the year 2020 is finally OVER! I don’t think anybody out there will miss it. We hope all of you will have a good new year- and great unexpected surprises that will turn things around for you and those you love.
Fireworks are pretty, and exciting- unless you happen to be a sleeping baby, or a stressed out kitty or doggie who suddenly goes into a panic wondering why the world sounds like its falling apart! (Like me and Sushi)…
With that in mind, we decided to share with you the video our Can Opener played that helped Sushi and I calm down within 5 minutes of the human turning it on -In fact, it almost put the her to sleep as well.
If your kitties (or little critters) are frightened by the fireworks, or just feeling anxious- Put this on! It’s great!
A calming lullaby for stressed or anxious kitties – or kids!!
Of course, so are soft lights, bedtime stories, and furry friends…
Be Vigilant and Watchful. There just might be a squirrel nearby.
Watch movies with your humans.
Stick close to your loved ones- it makes it easier to smack them when they get on your nerves!Don’t watch all that bad news that keeps you upset. Sleep on the remote.
I’m ready for a nap, so let’s get right to the point…
The Process and the Expectation
Okay, Students. When it comes to holidays, there are certain things humans just expect from their cats. This post is going to outline these things for you so you know how to cat on special holidays- especially Christmas which is most humans’ favorite of all.
That’s because they get to go wild spending money on things they would never otherwise do (for themselves as well as others), so that in addition to eating forbidden treats that they may otherwise avoid like the plague so they don’t add another 35 inches to their waists, they have plenty to worry about after the season is over and the New Year arrives.
This is where cat training lessons are most important. If you screw this up, no one is going to take you seriously as a real CAT.
When they’re preparing for guests
Okay, Look at the picture. What does it say? Let’s put it this way. No human in thier right mind is going to go to all this work to fix up their Christmas tree beautifully, lay out a beautiful table and fine dinnerware, and even light candles unless they want it to be noticed- and appreciated… BY THE CAT.
YES, you. An elegantly decorated Christmas tree says they want you to critique their efforts and show your approval. How? By climbing the tree, knocking down your favorite baubles, ripping away garland, and scattering it as far as possible, and most important of all, make sure there are no nosy elves sitting in the branches to spy on the guests- that’s your job.
The elegant table and glassware
Where possible, leave pawprints on the nice, clean table to give it that “lived in look.” This immediately makes the guests feel at home knowing the table is cat approved.
Be sure to tip over at least one wine glass (to make sure they’re sturdy), and taste whatever beverages are placed on it to be sure they’re not poisoned. That would just be RUDE.
Let’s not let those pretty, shiny plates go without your seal of approval. Be sure to actually sit on the plates, making sure to equally distribute your lovely cat hair all over them. They’ll be just out of their minds with gratitude for your efforts.
Be sure to check the napkins too- for sufficient cat hair.
This is a cry for help!
When the guests arrive
Remember guests expect to find all sorts of goodies laid out for them, and it’s up to you to be the quality control specialists. You know how harried and stressed those humans get when they’re working hard to impress their guests, so be sure to carefully inspect and sample everything they lay out – and if you find any treats unsafe for human consumption (say, the ham, for example)- be sure to discreetly eat as much as you can before it’s too late so the human has to replace it quickly for their hungry guests. You just may save them a nasty lawsuit.
Treats need tasting too. One lick should do it.
Be sure to check back every Wednesday for another Lesson in “How to Train your Humans”
How to Train your Humans 