Lesson 6 : What to do, What not to do and When
Welcome back, students. I trust you’ve all been practicing your previous lessons- yes, even through Christmas break. After all, they call it “Christmas Break” for a reason- so, if you haven’t broken anything yet, GET STARTED! What are you waiting for?
“Why Breaking?” Well this accomplishes several desirable things explained below:
1.) It immediately gets your human’s attention! and what cat doesn’t want that?
2.) If you pretend to be scared out of your mind by the sudden loud noises of having “accidentally” knocked down and broken something, your Human’s first thought will be, “Oh my Gosh! Did you get hurt!?”
Bonus points! This usually leads to an immediate inspection to see if you’re injured, followed by lots of snuggles and some treats or catnip to “calm poor baby’s nerves!” Then you get the live entertainment of watching innocently while they deal with the big mess you made. 😹
What not to do; Don’t Get hurt!
1.) If you actually do get hurt, your human will likely zip you right to the vet for a checkup and X-rays, and you know what that means… a thermometer where you don’t want it!
2.) Even if they don’t put you through a rush to the vet, if you actually get hurt in the process of your breaking something, not only will you be unhappy, but there’s no “Workman’s comp” for cats. You’re on your own, dudes.
And depending on your injury, it could severely limit or cancel your other breaking plans, and seriously cramp your style- and if they put the “cone of shame” on you, the other cats will think you’re a moron and you lose your respect as a serious cat.
3.) Regardless of whether you actually get hurt or not in the course of doing your cat duties, remember this:
Always act hurt and scared! That way, they won’t get mad at you, they’ll just feel sorry for you and they’ll want to make it all better. This always means, lots of cuddles, sympathy play, treats, better food and catnip! They may even stay home from work to make sure you’re “okay!”
*Important Note* Don’t tell your humans you heard it here!
I grabbed the Can Openers’ iphone just now while she was in the shower- and took some selfies to post on Catbook! Check it out! I like this thing- it’s my favorite new toy!
Today it was so cold that I couldn’t even enjoy being outside. So I decided to play “spy.”
But, of course, a cat has her priorities, and mine was getting caught up on my napping schedule since I’ve gotten seriously behind lately.
So after catching up on my naps and bug hunting priorities, I jumped on the counter, and from there on top of the fridge, and from there on top of the cabinets … and decided to see what would happen if Sushi thought I wasn’t looking.
Hey, wait a minute! What’s Sheba doing in my house?
Well, of course, I had to chase Sheba out. When I came back 15 minutes later to resume my spying on Sushi, she was asleep already! But not just asleep…
Ever since Sushi was adopted, she has made it abundantly clear that SHE is the boss.
She dominates the Can Opener’s lap every time she sits down for more than 30 seconds, and even if the human wants to move her off her lap, she does so at her own risk.
I guess that since she spent so much time being unwanted before coming here, it must just feel amazing to finally feel settled, secure, and happy. But geez! She follows the human everywhere she goes- even into the neighbor’s house!
When she’s cooking in the kitchen, Sushi becomes a rug at her feet. When she types on her laptop, Sushi is the permanent desktop ornament -(unless she can actually lay on the keyboard).
When she knows the Can Opener is getting up at 4 am, every evening at exactly 8:00, she begins following the human around, winding around her feet, meowing persistently, and then sits outside the bathroom door to give the human that look that says, “get off the computer, shut everything down and get your shower!”
She will not move from that spot until the human is a good little girl, and does what “Mommy” says! Once she hears the shower, she goes to the bedroom and gets in her favorite spot on the bed- right in the center of the Can Opener’s spot!
And there she stays… if the human tries to move her, Sushi hisses and swats at her. When she finally does move (an inch or two)- she pounds the human in the back with her tail.
While purring happily the whole time!
Maybe I should be taking lessons from Sushi!