Yesterday was a busy day for my Can Opener. The critters were here. 🙀
The big one was complaining a lot about random things, the tiny one was busy trying to see how many times she could walk across the back of the couch and jump down to the floor before making a hole in the floor, Sheba (the psycho next door )-kept popping in to see if our human had opened a can of tuna yet, Twilight kept nipping at the human’s feet to get her to play, and I threw up a few times- just to make sure the human didn’t forget I’m here.
It worked beautifully!
Today, however, I’m going to just rest and be cute- just to see if I can outdo myself. After all, there’s a lot to compete with around here for attention.
But don’t worry- I already left a nice surprise hairball in the kitchen floor for the Can Opener. That way she starts the day off knowing she’s loved. It’s important to show your loved ones you care.
I needed the Can Opener to go to sleep so I could track down the new bag of treats she’s been hiding from Twilight and me. So I decided to snuggle up with her when the Tiny One took her nap, and conveniently “nap” on her lap until she fell asleep.
But the problem is, the Can Opener never takes a nap. She reads, or plays games or just talks with someone while the Tiny One sleeps- only this time, luckily, she did fall asleep because the night before she had tossed and turned all night.
I thought it would be a breeze to just sneak off while they slept and find my delicious bag of treats. Unfortunately, I fell asleep for real. By the time I woke up to begin my treat hunt, the Can Opener was already trying to wake up the little One.
So, I didn’t have the chance I thought I would to track down the treat bag. I guess next time I’ll have to try harder to just look asleep. But I did get a lot of love and snuggles and my belly rubbed a lot.
Twilight says she is going to teach me her tricks- I don’t know what she does differently, but she sure knows how to get what she wants every time. So, I guess after she teaches me her tricks I’ll try again. Meanwhile, I’ll settle for the best tummy rubs I’ve ever had in all my 9 lives!
Well, the peace and quiet around here has left the building.
I see why the human never has energy to play with me in the evenings lately- it’s that little tornado that buzzes around the house scattering toys and laughing gleefully the whole time. But she loves me and Sushi and even though I spend all my time dodging her, she does love to feed us treats -(I know it’s a trap, so I run as soon as I eat the treats and go where she can’t reach me)!
Sushi unfortunately, either doesn’t know the treats are bait, or she doesn’t care. She falls for it every time and ends up becoming the critter’s favorite toy until she finally falls asleep wherever she happens to be.
I knew when the alarm went off at 4 am that a very long day was about to start. The Can Opener had barely finished her coffee and fed us, when I soon heard that fateful sound- the laughter and the delicate little knock at the front door that signaled the presence of the critters!
I was already up as high as I could get on top of the desk (right in front of the heater), which has become my favorite spot to hang out now. I watched intently as the human prepared to answer the door, hoping I could hop down and run into the bedroom before the pint sized tornado could get close to me. I had just made it into the bedroom and found my way under the bed when the bumping around and laughing erupted from the living room.
Sushi had more nerve than I did -(or less brains), because she just sat there on the couch when they came in, eagerly waiting for them to come see her and play with her. I was watching warily from a distance.
Suddenly the shrill sound of Mickey Mouse and laughter filled the house, and I went looking for an escape. But wouldn’t you know, it was cloudy and rainy outside and I was stuck.
Lucky for me, they both had to have breakfast and start school soon, so it wasn’t the disaster I had prepared myself for – so I ended up sleeping most of the day until it got later.
The littlest critter kept shoving some noisy little pink thing toward me in the window and I wanted to take it, and run outside and bury it someplace.
But I was lucky- they saw Sushi and she signaled that she wanted a lot of attention, so I let them indulge her while I took the opportunity to escape!
Time went by faster than I’d expected, and soon the Critters’ Dad came to pick them up and all of a sudden there was a competition to see who could pet me most!
And of course, Sushi and her aggressive begging for more back scratches soon took over.
Sushi here – Every now and then the neighbor’s psychotic cat saunters right into our kitchen, and invites herself over for dinner – (and breakfast, and lunch)- and devours every dish of food she sees, then flies all throughout the house looking for other tasty morsels and treats to devour, before she starts stalking Twilight, planting herself under something so she can pounce on her when she least expects it. Well, Twilight doesn’t usually like this anymore than I do.
This time she did it right when I had just settled down and gotten all tucked in for a nap. I really didn’t appreciate that she woke me up- so I growled at her to make sure she knew it- in case she had any doubts. But the Can Opener said, “No Sushi!” I can’t believe it! I was the innocent victim! Sheba was the cat burglar!
Lucky for Sheba, the Can Opener was just a few feet away and she saw Twilight running into the cat tree and escorted Miss Fussypants right out – and it’s a good thing too- because otherwise I’d have to sit on her to teach her some manners!
(And there wouldn’t be a scrap of tuna left in the house)!
Well, I told that psycho a thing or two, and threatened to sit on her- so when I did that, the human took my cue and put Miss Sheba right out the doorl
Now, I can finally have some more tuna and got to sleep….if I hurry now, I can get on the nice, freshly washed sheets and comforter before she can finish making the bed! YES!
Yes- this will work. Oh my! They’re still warm from the dryer! Thanks, Mom! You may go now.
Welcome back, students. I trust you’ve all been practicing your previous lessons- yes, even through Christmas break. After all, they call it “Christmas Break” for a reason- so, if you haven’t broken anything yet, GET STARTED! What are you waiting for?
“Why Breaking?” Well this accomplishes several desirable things explained below:
1.) It immediately gets your human’s attention! and what cat doesn’t want that?
2.) If you pretend to be scared out of your mind by the sudden loud noises of having “accidentally” knocked down and broken something, your Human’s first thought will be, “Oh my Gosh! Did you get hurt!?”
Bonus points! This usually leads to an immediate inspection to see if you’re injured, followed by lots of snuggles and some treats or catnip to “calm poor baby’s nerves!” Then you get the live entertainment of watching innocently while they deal with the big mess you made. 😹
What not to do; Don’t Get hurt!
1.) If you actually do get hurt, your human will likely zip you right to the vet for a checkup and X-rays, and you know what that means… a thermometer where you don’t want it!
2.) Even if they don’t put you through a rush to the vet, if you actually get hurt in the process of your breaking something, not only will you be unhappy, but there’s no “Workman’s comp” for cats. You’re on your own, dudes.
And depending on your injury, it could severely limit or cancel your other breaking plans, and seriously cramp your style- and if they put the “cone of shame” on you, the other cats will think you’re a moron and you lose your respect as a serious cat.
3.) Regardless of whether you actually get hurt or not in the course of doing your cat duties, remember this:
Always act hurt and scared! That way, they won’t get mad at you, they’ll just feel sorry for you and they’ll want to make it all better. This always means, lots of cuddles, sympathy play, treats, better food and catnip! They may even stay home from work to make sure you’re “okay!”
*Important Note* Don’t tell your humans you heard it here!