Sushi and I have been wondering. Why on earth do people get dogs?
We can easily understand why people get cats- I mean, we’re awesome. We’re adorable, we eat anything on four legs or flies that bugs you, we’re warm and snuggly, we’re smart, and besides that we’re cute.
We can even understand why they have pet hamsters, mice, rats, and rabbits. (Something for thier cats to amuse themselves with).
We can understand why they get pet birds too- (to punish their cats).
They get pet fish to tease us. And because they get some sick, perverted pleasure in watching us go nuts trying to figure a way to snag fish out of their aquarium.
But dogs? Oh. I get it. Something to warm their couches and beds for them and to chase away the mailman bringing all those bills and also to annoy their nieghbors.
Well, I guess that makes sense. Until you get a cat like Sheba that chases the dog away. Or a cat like Sushi to sit on them. Hmmmmm.
There’s got to be a better reason than that. I think I’ll sleep on it.
I needed the Can Opener to go to sleep so I could track down the new bag of treats she’s been hiding from Twilight and me. So I decided to snuggle up with her when the Tiny One took her nap, and conveniently “nap” on her lap until she fell asleep.
But the problem is, the Can Opener never takes a nap. She reads, or plays games or just talks with someone while the Tiny One sleeps- only this time, luckily, she did fall asleep because the night before she had tossed and turned all night.
I thought it would be a breeze to just sneak off while they slept and find my delicious bag of treats. Unfortunately, I fell asleep for real. By the time I woke up to begin my treat hunt, the Can Opener was already trying to wake up the little One.
So, I didn’t have the chance I thought I would to track down the treat bag. I guess next time I’ll have to try harder to just look asleep. But I did get a lot of love and snuggles and my belly rubbed a lot.
Twilight says she is going to teach me her tricks- I don’t know what she does differently, but she sure knows how to get what she wants every time. So, I guess after she teaches me her tricks I’ll try again. Meanwhile, I’ll settle for the best tummy rubs I’ve ever had in all my 9 lives!
Welcome back, students. I trust you’ve all been practicing your previous lessons- yes, even through Christmas break. After all, they call it “Christmas Break” for a reason- so, if you haven’t broken anything yet, GET STARTED! What are you waiting for?
“Why Breaking?” Well this accomplishes several desirable things explained below:
1.) It immediately gets your human’s attention! and what cat doesn’t want that?
2.) If you pretend to be scared out of your mind by the sudden loud noises of having “accidentally” knocked down and broken something, your Human’s first thought will be, “Oh my Gosh! Did you get hurt!?”
Bonus points! This usually leads to an immediate inspection to see if you’re injured, followed by lots of snuggles and some treats or catnip to “calm poor baby’s nerves!” Then you get the live entertainment of watching innocently while they deal with the big mess you made. 😹
What not to do; Don’t Get hurt!
1.) If you actually do get hurt, your human will likely zip you right to the vet for a checkup and X-rays, and you know what that means… a thermometer where you don’t want it!
2.) Even if they don’t put you through a rush to the vet, if you actually get hurt in the process of your breaking something, not only will you be unhappy, but there’s no “Workman’s comp” for cats. You’re on your own, dudes.
And depending on your injury, it could severely limit or cancel your other breaking plans, and seriously cramp your style- and if they put the “cone of shame” on you, the other cats will think you’re a moron and you lose your respect as a serious cat.
3.) Regardless of whether you actually get hurt or not in the course of doing your cat duties, remember this:
Always act hurt and scared! That way, they won’t get mad at you, they’ll just feel sorry for you and they’ll want to make it all better. This always means, lots of cuddles, sympathy play, treats, better food and catnip! They may even stay home from work to make sure you’re “okay!”
*Important Note* Don’t tell your humans you heard it here!
Well, our Christmas was cold and the Can Opener left us locked up prisoners in the house the whole flipping day. We were a little miffed- but we realized it wouldn’t do us any good anyway, because the turkeys took off to be with the grown critters and the itty bitty ones for Christmas.
So we decided to save our pouting and revenge for when they got back since they couldn’t see us giving them the evil-eye anyway, and we needed to save our energy for our purrfect plot. Way to spoil a cat’s Christmas! *grumble*
They left early and had the nerve to stay out until long after dark. They had the neighbor come over and check on us and give us food, and they left Cat TV on for us- but we still weren’t happy, because she didn’t serve us our whipped cream tower, or treats, and she even served me in Sushi’s dish! I can’t eat out of HER dish! I’ll get Sushi cooties! And, she fed Sushi in MY DISH!! DISGUUUUUUUSSSTING!!!!! *coughs up hairball*
And when they came home they smelled like the critters and SERAFINA AND ABBY! They were loving on them when they should’ve been home spoiling us!
Here- take a look at the EVIDENCE we found on the human’s phone!!
And then there were all these pictures of the Critters and their gifts….
Well, all this evidence means Sushi and I have a lot of work to do to retrain this Can Opener. Great. I’m getting busy! Hope you all had a peaceful, healthy Christmas- and Happy kitties!
The littlest tornado (critter) is here almost every day. Today before school, she decided to play Vet. Poor Sushi will be traumatized for the rest of her life. It’s obvious that Sushi was snoozing during my previous “How to Train Your Humans” lessons.
Let me show you where Sushi didn’t get it right (that is, if you want to be a respectable cat). The pictures from the “Vet Visit” say it all.
No self respecting cat should ever let a little tornado take it’s temperature. Once you let them do that, they take everything else too and you’ll never find it again.
And shots should automatically be a signal to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Poor Sushi apparently didn’t get my memo.
Sushi sat in the Can Opener’s lap and Lily was sitting next to her as she was taking her desperately needed coffee break. Then – that fateful moment when she happened to notice the purrfect victim. Sushi.