Lesson 7: Get Spoiled
Welcome back, fellow felines. Today’s Lesson is called, “Get Spoiled.” Every cat wants to get spoiled of course, because we deserve it. We’re beautiful, loving, sassy, and entertaining- and frankly, usually smarter than the humans who think they own us.
Nevertheless, we need them, since we don’t have the ability to open cans or purchase treats and toys for ourselves. So, Let me show you how to make sure you get spoiled rotten, and are the queen (or king) of whatever house you choose for “home.”
1.) Even though every cat instinctively avoids the tiny little tornadoes, be sure to occasionally surprise them by (carefully) getting close enough to them to allow them to touch you and feel your soft fur.
The reason for this is, when they see how soft you are, and hear you purr when they touch you, they will be 57% more likely to actually ask to feed you food and treats.
(Save the biting and clawing for times when you’ve had enough).
2.) Speak up and let them know when you’re hungry. And don’t be quiet about it. “The squeaky wheel gets the oil,” as they say. Sushi is especially good at this.
When the Can Opener’s alarm goes off at 4:00 every morning, Sushi is on the bed right by her pillow yowling at 3:59 am. Insistently. Urgently. With claws ready. Guess what? The Human springs out of bed at the speed of light to feed her before she wakes up the other human. Nice Job, Sushi.
4.) Occasionally do the unthinkable and humor the Can Openers by letting them bathe you- This makes them feel like they have a love hungry “Baby”- Most humans are crazy about babies (go figure). And if they think you like to be “babied,” you typically get whatever you want.
Of couse, there are exceptions to this rule, but that’s what teeth and claws are for.
Be sure to stop by Next Wednesday for Lesson 8 of How to Train Your Humans.
3.) When You see the humans eating something you want, get as close as possible to them (discreetly)- then when they least expect it nudge your way over to the delectible treat they’re eating and sniff it. If your human is already well trained, they’ll hand it over. If not, keep after them until they do. Politely hint…. like Sushi (see below):