Still So Surreal
Every relationship we enter knowing that one day for whatever reason, it will end. But that doesn’t make it any easier to get through when it does. And when it ends because of a sudden diagnosis of stage 4 cancer, the memories of all your loved one endured are relentlessly painful. And they hit you at the most inopportune times, and sometimes for no apparent “reason” at all.
Like when you’re going into your closet to pick an outfit for something, and you see something your husband loved to see you wear. Or you want to get a haircut, and automatically try to choose one he would like- or you go grocery shopping, and without realizing it, fill your cart with things he loved that you can’t eat – then you suddenly realize that you no longer need to concern yourself with those preferences.
The emptiness that suddenly hits you is indescribable. And you think to yourself, it’s only been 2 months and two days. How can I handle this for the next few months- or years?
You try to go on with life as it was before, because you have to. But everything has changed. Now there’s no one (except the cats) waiting for you when you get home- and no one to watch a movie with or share a cup of coffee with. Loud or sudden noises become extremely annoying, silence isn’t the comfort it once was, you realize you have to become very purposeful in order to do the things you know you need to do to take care of yourself.
This is where grief counseling helps so much. Seeing the impact that the loss of your husband has had on your family, you realize that you don’t want them to suffer another loss if you can help it. Exercise becomes a priority – (even though it’s the last thing you feel like thinking about)- Avoiding junk food and eating right is even more important because what you eat (especially when grieving) will definitely not only affect your health, but your mood as well.
Being with friends and family become critical – especially if you are blessed with a family like mine, where love and respect are most important. My heart goes out to those suffering the loss of a loved one without that critical support. How do they manage to face each new day?
This is what it’s like. But at some point, you have to make a decision. You can allow yourself to be overcome with sorrow and grieve to death- or you can choose to live with new purpose.
It’s not easy- but by the Holy Spirit you can receive strength for each new day, comfort in your sorrows, and a new life of purpose.
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.61.1-3.NIV
Peace is possible- even in mourning.
How to Train your Humans 
Yes indeed the Holy Spirit carries us through so much, else we would drown. Especially we would drown in our time(s) of grief.
This post is beautiful. And gave me a stab once again…as one week ago, we lost a co-worker…she went home form work and never woke up. Wow. Her service was today…I went. I have been to many funerals over the years, of friends, parents, other relatives and some of my residents I cared for, but I have not ever attended one like this one. The little church was packed. And the praises given to God lifted the roof!
When someone dies in the Lord, its just so different than when they are gone and didn’t know Jesus…even harder for their loved ones. I am so glad that you can lean on Jesus at this time in your life.He comforts us like a mother comforts a wailing child.
I loved reading that passage from Isaiah…it helps us to take our tears away.
Sending you my own humble love and big hugs. ♥
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Oh I’m so sorry for your loss of your co-worker! That’s even more sudden and unexpected than my husband’s passing. We knew something was wrong with him- we just didn’t have a diagnosis until it was too late.
Praying for you and your family! 💚
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I always appreciate your posts.You word things so well. I do not. I do, however, send many prayers and many hugs.
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Oh thank you so much! I so appreciate your support. I know a post like this isn’t what most people are looking for when they visit my blog. But I post it occasionally because even if I am doing ‘okay’- someone out there may need some hope and encouragement. And because it helps me. Bless you!
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Every word resonates with me….I kept putting Smoked Oysters in my cart for a few YEARS after Kevin had passed away! It was so habitual. One day, my friend (who became a Fiance; but it ended in tears) asked me why I was still buying Oysters? It *HIT* me hard & I stood in the aisle crying like a baby!
With my hubby Paul (b4 Kevin) it was buying eggs. He & my Brother Dale (R.I.P.)
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loved them so much & that became a habit to buy an 18 pack of eggs! Needless to say people in my apartment building never had to buy eggs…..ROFL! All of this transitioning takes time; some get thru it quicker than others. From what you write, you are on a GOOD path & staying engaged with Family & Counselling & that is #1 importance! I pray for you nitely to find acceptance & Peace (as hard as that is…..)
{{hugs}} BellaSita Mum & ***purrss*** BellaDharma
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I’m glad to know I’m not the only one doing these things! Funny the things our brain does under stress. I’m learning so much. And (it’s going to take time) but I plan on sharing these things as soon as I can get it going.
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When you first wake up it all aeems normal, and then you realize what has happened…It takes real strength to get up every morning and put one foot in fronmt of the other. It sounds like you have that strength – and the help you may need to keep it. Prayers and purrayers !
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Thank you, Mary- I ask the Lord for grace and strength every morning- and He never fails. Which is great- because if He did, I’d be toast!!
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I am sorry you have to go through this. I pray the Holy Spirit continues to give you strength. XO
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I know He will. He has promised!
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I’m sorry. It is a terrible thing to have to go through. I don’t know what to do with myself when my wife goes on a business trip. I can’t imagine that being permanent.
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There’s just no way to verbalize how it feels. At least, I haven’t found a way yet. Hopefully, it will be a very long time before you or your wife experience it.
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Yes, a very long time.
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It’s been three years, and I will still occasionally think, “Curt would like that.” I was very lucky. My son was still in college and living at home when my husband died. I really don’t know what I would have done without him. I am happy that you are finding some peace.
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Thank you!
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